I like posting my True Life adventures for folks to read as most of the stories are cautionary tales of what not to do. I know that there are the ones who shake their heads and say to themselves, "How in the name of Joe Peschi does he do it?" Well, I can not let the world in on a little secret that I might have kept hidden for a bit.


Prozac does wonders.


Think for a moment on this one. You lead a busy, hectic life. You work, you take care of the home and the pressures of the world just build up on you. How do you get though it all? There's many different ways, and at least half of them illegal in about 22 states. The only choice you have other than climbing a clock tower with a BB gun is seeing a doctor an d getting a prescription for an antidepressant sush as Prozac, Zoloft, or any leagal drug that will calm your happt butt down just like I did.


It was a road I never really want to go down months ago, taking a mood altering drug to make me feel better about life. I had no choice in the matter, considering the situation I'm going through. I never considered that going back to college, working at the job and doing dialysis at the same time would beat me down, but it has. It got to the point to where I would have major anxiety attacks and could breathe. There would be points where I thought I was having a heart attack. The worst happened when I caught a case of it during a Speech class. They wound up calling an abulance to the campus and yet I wound up not having to go again. I felt so stupid that day that I knew something had to be done. That is when I talked to my doctor and let him know about the attacks and earlier this year is when I began taking Prozac. Since then to be truthfull, I have never felt better.

Now, I'm not telling everyone to go out there and go down the same road I have. I mean if it feels good, do it by all means. I just know that the stuff works for me quite well. I take a low dose of it once a day, only 5mg. of the stuff, but that's all I need. I haven't had an attack for a long time now so that's good. The funniest thing though is the fact that I don't get super mad anymore and not even angry. For the most, I just say "screw it" and move on. I mean I have truly mellowed out. Yes, gas is now over 300 dollars a barrel and the price of tea in China has gone up in a major way, but I seem to be fine with that. I'm working more hours at work, I get my classwork done, and other than very crappy chairs at the dialysis clinic that are killing me more than having only 30 & of my kidneys actually working, I'm quite fine with that now. I thought I would have to go to the hospital last night ecause a friend of mine thought that after my left leg went dead as a doornail in the clinic, she thought I might have a blood clot and I needed to get to a surgeon and stat. For a brief momet, I thought about that while I went to work later that day and told the guys at the station that it may happen. All the while I was cool with the fact that this thing could run though my veins, hit my heart and kill me quick. The next morning which is today, I called the clinic and let them know what was going on and they told me if I didn't feel any pain (of which I didn't) then it wasn't a clot but just maybe a pinched nearve from sitting on my ass four and a half hours in a crappy chair every other day of the week and that I would be okay. I was relieved, but relaxed the whole time. This is how I know the Prozac is working for me.

As I said before, do what you have to do to feel better. If you have to just walk away from something to catch a breath, do it. If you need that bottle of Merlot to get you through the night, go right ahead. If a good cry is what it takes to make things better, I understand. Times are tough and people have to do their best sometimes not to punch another human in the face for all the stuff that happens in the world and that's one of the illegal things you can't do. As for me, if this it what it takes to help me cope with life then I welcome Prozac and all its drugginess. It's either that or worry about how to pay the rent next month. I'd rather be stoned when I pay that bill.

Labels: drugs, my life, Prozac

With prices going up and up these days, purses and wallets are getting a major kick in their folds and they aren't happy. Folks would take them out, show them off then open their mouths wide and yank out numerous denominations of bills to pay for stuff. These days, wallets have started to gain frowns since people have less money to spend. I know the last time I opened my leather, I saw a bat fly out and a Joker chasing after it. I do have ways of saving a few bucks here and there, especially on my entertainment. I'd figure I'd pass along a few tips that very timely for those feeling the pinch.

First, let's talk television. My long-time chum, bosom buddy, pal, confidant and all around Joy Boy Ivan (Stronger Than Dirt and Just as Old) Shreve, Jr. makes comments constantly about how much he hates the cable companies. It was Comcast originally (which he called Bomblast) when he lived here in Savanah and now that he's moved to Athens which is three and a half hours away he deals with Charter, which he now calls CharredHer. Really Ivan, if you're going to whine about how bad the thing is, at least have the smarts to think of a better/worse name, like Chowder Cable, but I digress. I made a comment about how I got rid of a terrible channel on my Dish Network account and he was surpised that I never really talked about it.

The reason for that is simply I'm very happy and it's much cheaper than cable. I've had Dish now for just over two years, after I moved to my house in 2005. Having roommates in previous places, I thought it was okay to have cable because at the time I could afford it. When I moved on my own I tried to continue to have Comcast Digital and high speed internet but that only lasted six months before I wound up getting over my head paying one hundred forty-five dollars a month, including HBO and Starz. After a while, I switched to Dish and 0ver 200 channels plus the HBO and Starz for around 80 bucks and some change. I think that is a doozy of a bargin for anyone and I still get a full signal when it rains.

Next is first run movies. Okay, I'll admit that I didn't pay to see "The Dark Knight" since it was a radio promotion and I work in radio, so sue me. If we get to promote a good flick, I want to know just what the heck I'm shilling. Otherwise, I will pay for a movie. I don't have time during the day for the matinee so I have no choice to go at night, where the movie will cost me nine bucks and the medium popcorn/small drink combo (if the definition of "small" in concession talk is 32 ounces) runs around eight bucks. Here's the new way of seeing a movie. If you have to see it and I mean really desperatly have no other choice, find your nearest bootlegger. That's right, I said it. Look, I know this is illegal and wrong thirty-five ways to Sunday. However, look at the points on this: Usually, the guy who sells them lets them go cheaper than a matinee, with three movies for ten dollars and that could be a triple feature. Second, it's almost and I do mean almost like going to a real theater, except the projectionist forgot to focus and too many folks are pretending to be auditioning for Mystery Science Theater 3000. It's still cheaper to see it than having to hear about it from your freinds the next day or having to wait a couple of months before it hits pay per view. That and a bag of chips from the dollar store and you just spent eleven bucks.

There's other ways of saving a dollar these days and the above were just a couple of items. Try them out and keep and eye on your money. If using these and other tips, there'll be more dough in the wallet and it'll have that old smile on it's face while money is ripped out of its gullet to finally pay for that gallon of gas you've been paying for.

Labels: money, my life

You read the title right, darn it. Go on and just say it right now before you go on and read the rest of this. Now, after you say it take a brief sigh. Then, say it again. Do that every thirty seconds and it is possible that a person can understand how I feel at this very moment in time.

Right now, I have a Summer cold. There is nothing worse in the world than having a cold during Summer. It's like having the chicken pox on Halloween or or the mumps on Christmas. It suck to Hell this cold. You can't do anything and you're sniffling and sneezing all over the place, trying not to spread your germs everywhere, but you can't help it. The cold has you in its nasty, filth ridden grip until it lets you go and so far, it has had me locked down for over two weeks. Two weeks is way too long to have this affliction. Someone, please take my life. Make it fast, quick and painless, just as long as I know this cold is gone and I can go to Heaven with a clean sinus and a clear head.

I'm trying to use the typical cold cures. You know, that whole "starve a cold, feed a fever" bullcrap. Yesterday, it was the other way around as for dinner I enjoyed an old fashioned home cooked meal courtesy of the Fairmont restaurant here in town. It's one of those little secrets we like to keep from the tourists in Savannah so they can stay away from the really good stuff. It's an all you can eat Southern buffet and I took home to go a tray of fried chicken, collard greens and rice, mac and cheese, potato salad, sweet potato soufflé and cornbread. I got that because every house I went to for their Fourth of July picnics has good food, but I wanted Mama's food. But, I digress. Well, kind of sorta. I wish Mama was here now. Just so I can get wrapped in a blanket and fed chicken noodle soup with a kiss on the forehead. Yes, it is that bad.

I'm going to stop this post now. I'm only going to be here at the radio station for another hour to get the local traffic reports done. But as soon as it's over, I am leaving to go to the grocery store for some lemon juice and some Campbell's Soup. I may have missed school today due to the fact that I look like a Black zombie, but I hope that by Wednesday I should be somewhat back to normal. Pray to Peschi that I make it through this Hell.

Labels: my life

Alright, this should be some good news for folks. Tomorrow, I'm back on the air again at my regular time of 12 Noon till 4 pm on WEAS FM/E93. The cool part is it's a Holiday Mix Weekend, where we play DJ mixes of rap and R&B. The cool part for me is I'm going to be playing old school Hip Hop from Run-DMC, Eric B and Rakim, Grandmaster Flash, The Beastie Boys among others. I liken it to the founding fathers of rap for the Fourth of July Weekend, so it's worth listening to. Plus, these freaking kids need a lesson on how to make music these days. I had one snot nosed punk call me Friday when I filled in for the midday jock and asked me during the mix was ever going to play something good at some point. That's when I caled him a few choice words and hung up on the little turd. He'll probably will grow up to be a reality show star and end up a rich little tool, but he will never be happy. At least that is what I hope happens to him and that's the nice version.

I almost forgot to mention that the station streams online. If you've got some time, sit back and give it a listen and let me know what you think. By the way, don't expect me to be too relaxed on the air. I have to play up the whole hype DJ thing and "spit fire", as I like to call it. It's a hoot, but you get tired at the end of the show.

Labels: my life

I got the call on Monday from the offices of South University. "Mr. Johnson, I'm calling to let you know that you have missed classes today." You wouldn't believe how loud the "whoopee" came out of my mouth.

I thought that I was going to be dropped from the school as they asked that I start to pay my tuition now, which is five thousand dollars that I really don't have on hand at the moment and that I would need to refile a student loan. For that I'd need a co-signer and the chances of that happening is like me finally marrying Allyson Hannigan and that won't happen in my lifetime. Hence the surprise that I would be continuing school through Summer. Otherwise, I would be sitting around the house with no computer, no Internet and a whole lot of free time on my hands to start fires in my kitchen and surrounding areas. This go around, I'm taking Composition II which deals with literature and taking Basic Algebra over again since I screwed it up the first time. I'm just happy that I'm on campus again keeping busy. Otherwise, I'd probably tested myself this Summer on how long could I have gone with a full beard. It sounds creepy, but it would have kept me occupied.

Labels: College, my life

To whom it may concern,

I am shocked, appalled and angered by what you may call a “snack machine”. Today, I began to purchase a bag of Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream potato chips from said machine by placing seventy-five cents into its slot, then pressing A-2 when then I was rebuked by the demon of my chips! I have had my money taken by this no armed bandit before and have been quiet about it until now and I am now fully perturbed at this point! This red animal has taken the hard earned dollars of many of the fellow workers here and now it time for us to take a stand! We want our Twix bars new, we want our honey buns fresh, WE WANT ACTION AND WE WANT IT NOW! This smacks of outright thievery! I call shenanigans on this mechanical crook, this foul metal beast and pray to the Heavens above this “snack machine” return to the level of Hell unto which it spew from!

Yours sincerely,

Samuel M. Johnson, ESQ.

Labels: my life

Well, this sucks.

First up, I never got to go to Sam's Club. I got shanghaied by some friends who wanted to go off to drink after work then go do karaoke. I told them that I had some grown up stuff to do, but I wound up hanging out with the gang (not drinking, by the way) until dark and by that time, Sam's was closed. So, the last post is now for nothing.

Second, and this is the most important thing. This Sunday is the fifth anniversary of "Sam-a-Rama"/"The Real Sam Johnson Show" and I won't be able to celebrate it like I wanted to originally. The plan was to get spruced up around here and maybe a new template or two and see if it worked. I had also planned to have "Underground Savannah" footage up by now, but no such luck since my home computer is now dead. This is all you are going to get for an anniversary post. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hell, I won't even be around a computer this Sunday to even post anything. So, let's just do this now. Big hyperbole and all that.

Here's what I wrote on that very first post on Sunday, June 29th, 2003...

"Anyway, I don't know if my life will be any different from what any other blogger puts online. I don't really follow politics much. I'm sort of a pop culture geek who keeps his eyes out on fads, trends, etc. I do have some interesting friends and wild stories to post online ( at least, the ones that are clean enough). If I have at least one hook to this whole blog thing for you to want to keep up with me is that fact that I'm on dialysis. To me, it's just another day, but others worry, so I try to keep them updated."

Other than correcting the bad spelling (HA!), I think I've done my best to keep up my end of the deal. I've dipped into pop culture and had some fun so far. I've kept those concerned with my personal life as well, letting you all in on some of the interesting things that go on in my neck of the woods. I could have sat in front of a keyboard and just yammered on about how I had the greatest sandwich in the world and took a nap in every post, but I thought I would just do that once in a blue moon to see if anyone was looking.

Since I've come along, I've seen other blogs that have come and gone quickly. I came in once the term "blog" was starting to get noticed by the world and then people started to jump on the bandwagon so they could be as hip as everyone else. Afterwards, those who wanted to keep on writing stuck around. I did as I figured that I had nothing else to do on the web until You Tube showed up and I've been here ever since. I've gone through a name change, at least five template changes, over ten surgeries, helped and tried to work on six other blogs, deaths of friends and family, three moves, two computers and one a-hole of a pet and I'm not talking about Carl Wintergaten.

The important thing is that with all the crap that I have been through in the past five years, I'm still posting. I guess that's not a bad thing. Am I gonna keep on even though I don't have my home network for now? To paraphrase producer Robert Evans, you bet your ass I will. There's no way I can give it up now. This site has been my outlet to the world and sometimes, my only connection. There are millions of sites out there on the web and it's hard to noticed out there with all the cool stuff and I just have a penguin. It's feels great to get a comment once in a while from someone who reads your thoughts online. So once again, I got that going for me.

Now, who do I thank for wanting me to keep on keeping on?

First, Dave Hewitt. He was the first person to ever leave a comment here and has stuck around ever since. Thanks for that. By the way, I almost posted that photoshoped pic of you, just for a laugh or three, but I can't find it at the moment.

Next, the state of Montana. I made a lot of friends there thanks to this blog and if I had the opportunity, would be there this Summer, as I wish every Summer, to ride a horse along the Great Falls. There's way to many folks out there in the entire state for me to mention so I'll say thank you specifically to Randy, David (my fellow Green Hornet fan), and especially Pandora Zowada. I miss your posts and I hope that one day you will return to us soon. Oh, and Carl misses Tippy.

To Tom Sutpen for his friendship and wonderful photos. You're a good man, Tom.

To Brent McKee, who I would not have found if I had not gotten an email from Tony Figueroa saying "Read 'Child Of Televison'" and I got mixed up with the two of them. Cheers, fellas.

To SwanShadow, for the letters and encouragement. Plus, he won a lot of money on "Jeopardy". Not as much as that Ken guy, but he did good enough. Thanks, Uncle Swan. We must do a tune or two one day.

A Kirby Crackle comic book shout out to The Retropolitan, Mike Sterling, and Kevin Church who I tried to start and friendly internet feud so I could get a few extra hits early on. We could have been Jack Benny and Fred Allen, Church.

To Ivan Shreve, Jr. who I did start an Benny/Allen feud with, even though we are very good friends. Your membership in the League of Savannah Bloggers is still there, even though you moved to Athens, Georgia, where he can drink all the Mountain Dew and eat all the Varsity chili dogs he wants. By the way, you owe 47 dollars and sixty-two cents for the fez you got before you left. Pay up, boy or the wolves are knocking on your door. As you can tell folks, I'm Jack Benny.

To Mark Evanier. It was reading his blog that got me into wanting to do this, so he has been a kind of guide on how to do this and how to say it. All of the past five years have been your fault, sir. This is the revenge I give to you for having a hand in creating Scrappy Doo. Other than that, thank you for the advise and keeping The Spirit alive.

Oh yeah, and thanks to everyone else in the blogroll. I put you all there because I like you all.

Most importantly, thank you dear reader. You've put up with all my crap over the years and I'm glad that you did. From Goth Girl Blog Day to National Gorilla Suit Wearing Day to the Least Sexiest Woman in the World. From the days that first posted a You Tube clip to the times that I posted an actual podcast. From Sam-a-Palooza to "Truthidity", to who looks hotter, Jennifer or Bailey on "WRKP in Cincinnati"(it was always Bailey) . From the good days to the bad ones. From "The Real Sam Johnson Show" to "Sam-a-Rama".

One more thing from that first post...

"So, that's me in a nutshell. I do have allot to say, and I'll be here to say it, now that I have a forum. Please come back from time to time and let me know what you think after you've read a few lines of my life, views, and whatever else spews."

Y'all come now, ya hear? Thanks.

Labels: blogging, my life

I was always interested in the buy-by-bulk stores like Costco and Sam's Club. It just seems funny to to buy toilet paper like it's the end of the world and all. So, when my friend Tina offered to put me on her Sam's Club membership, I jumped at the chance. I mean, here is a place where you can buy a ginormous tin of Tang that you can have for the rest of your life. Personally, I like Tang a lot, but I don't know if I could ever drink that much over time or a never ending jar of sweet pickle relish that will last you until either Jesus or Joe Peschi is resurrected. Tonight after work, I plan on making my first real visit to the place to scope it out. I really don't know if I'm going to make a major purchase since I live alone. I can see myself loading up the buggy if I had a family or I was stocking a bomb shelter, but I don't need much. Hopefully on Friday when I get to work, I'll let you know how the shopping went.

Labels: my life

When I was a kid, we were one of the only families on the block with cable television way back in 1974. Things were fantastic getting to see TV stations from other cities than mine, which is how cable worked back then. Three years later, Savannah was treated to a new channel to watch called Home Box Office. For the first time, viewers got to see movies they way they were meant to be seen, uncut and commercial free. Mind you back that then HBO wasn't 24 hours like it is now, but began their day around 5 in the afternoon and ended it around 2 am. Still, you got some pretty cool flicks on the air, movies I know I would have never gotten to see in the theaters because of how old I was. The first time I ever saw a nude woman, other than walking in on my sisters by accident in their rooms, was on Home Box Office. Don't ask me what movie it was, but I saw a naked lady in it.

One other thing the channel did was to bring stand up comedy to television with the "On Location" specials. The only time I would see comedy on TV as a kid was through sitcoms and variety shows, but never a whole act. The very first show I got to see was George Carlin at U.S.C. in 1977.i I saw promos for the special and thought it was interesting. I had seen Carlin on The Flip Wilson Show and maybe a few others, so it might be kind of funny. When I finally got to see it, I was stunned. At the time, the only curse words I ever knew in my life was "Damn" and "Hell". I never knew that there were seven, even dirty words out there that I could hear on TV or even use in public. Carlin even taught me how to use them in a sentence! When the show began, I was an eleven year old boy. By the end of the routine and the entire special itself, I became an eleven year old boy who could cuss like a sailor. That's right, folks. You thought that it was Richard Pryor who taught me what I know now. Yes, but it was George Carlin who shaped the mold before it was broken.

Carlin didn't talk about things at all. He talked about "stuff". He talked about placed to keep your "stuff",why do people say "stuff", how come the government does stupid "stuff" and why they sell you dumb "stuff" on TV. In Carlin's view, there were liars, thieves, jerks, fat cats, little cats, jokers, jerks, and the occasional hippy-dippy weather man. All in Carlin's edgy, word full world. Plus, he kept it going on the stage for years. You see some stand ups as they get older and their material is as old as the Magna Carta, while Carlin kept writing and working. He's the only comic to have sixteen HBO stand up specials, then turned around and became Mr. Conductor on "Shining Time Station". Hell, I even watched the show to see if he would ever go off on one of those annoying kids or tell Thomas the Tank Engine to shove it up his smoke pipe.

It's ironic for Carlin to die this year as he was to be honored with a Mark Twain Prize for his comedy, but now it will be a tribute in his honor for making comics become edgier with their material and people become smarter with the world and to rethink everything you may know. I know that he definitely did it with me. I just hope that before he died, he finally made peace with Joe Peschi.

It's a Carlin Joke. If I have to explain it, then you need to watch a special or two and that's no bullshit.

Labels: my life, obits, television

Here's the dilemma: I'm supposed to watch my fluid intake because of my kidney problems. However, it's now hot as the dickens here in Savannah and I get thirsty. What's a guy got to do when he feels like he needs to rehydrate?

I know that somewhere near you there's a Sonic Drive-In. I'm not a big fan of the food there. I think they boil their Coney Dogs instead of grilling them like I like them, and their burgers are nothing really to write home to . They sell ice cream desserts and shakes, but my favorite item on their menu is their slushes. They have, or so they say in their ads, over 168,000 drink combinations for the drink and I truly believe they do after today. I've had many of them, including grape/orange, cranberry/lemon, among others. Today this time I had what could be the greatest of all combos: Iced tea and lemon. Now, in some places that's called an "Arnold Palmer", named after the great golfer. When I too that first sip, I felt like I hit a hole-in-one on the thirteen in Augusta. Pure, wet, cold heaven on a hot, muggy day.

If you ever get a chance, stop by your by the Sonic near you and I dare you to make up a slushie
combo. It really is a fun thing to do when you get there. But I must personally recommend an iced tea and Fresh Lemon slush. Just don't call it an "Arnold Palmer". The kids at the windo might not know what you're talking about.

Labels: my life

Yep, the birthday party was perfect last night. There was bad singing, because I was told that I would be singing whatever everyone put up on the karaoke list, which meant that I did "Like A Virgin", "Barbie Girl" and such most the night. However, every song they put up would cost them five bucks each, so I made 60 bucks. Also, there were girls there. Okay, a girl and she was drunk and hot in a Amy Winehouse kinda way and she spanked me 42 times and one for good luck. Oooh, and then the cops showed up twice because some underage punk came into the bar. It's really not a great party until the cops show up at some point. Oh, and I had good champagne. A few glasses. I had four shots of Jameson Irish Whiskey and two Jagermiester shots and felt fine the whole night without a buzz. It was the champagne however that did me in. So I sit here at a keyboard and try to type before I do my radio show on E-93. This could be a really good show today.

Labels: karaoke, my life

I just got this birthday greeting from Dave Hewitt.

"At our house on your birthday you get pop tarts served in bed. (It keeps
the kids for begging for them the other 364 days). It all started when I
was working as a temp. I felt terrible because it was my birthday, and I
didn't have a real job. A fellow temp gave me a pop tart as a birthday
present. I felt much happier after getting the pop tart, even if I was
still a temp. Ever since them I've always equated Pop Tarts with

birthdays. Here's a whole box for you to savor on Saturday."

I wanted to talk about seeing "The Incredible Hulk" last night at midnight and how I should really give up late night movies, but I just got the word of NBC News Washington Chief Tim Russert passing away just two hours ago. I got the word as I was in the clinic doing my dialysis today instead of Saturday so I can celebrate without being loopy as I am now typing this at work.
My condolences to his family and to the NBC news team. I hope that if he got the chance, he savored every Pop Tart as well.

Labels: my life, obits

I'm telling you, the whole thing was topsy-turvy. There were good thing, bad things, weird things, and the just plain dumb.

Friday was Ronnie's wedding to Brenadette on Fripp Island. The ceremony was small with only a handful for family memers there and of course I was the only lump of coal in a snowbank. Actually, there was another Black guy there, but he was with his long time companion, so he gets half a credit. I was actually happy and still stunned that I was in the wedding. So nervous in fact, that as Ronnie, his brother and best man Rick and I came walking out, I bumpedinto the table that held the champagne glasses and one fell over, crashing to the ground and breaking. Yes, I felt like a jackass and no one would ever forget that wedding. I was forgiven by the couple for the bump, but I couldn't shake it the rest of the time I was there. In fact, one of Brenedette's uncle's or cousins or whatever the Hell he was (I met him earlier when Ronnie introduced him to me and Rick and while he shook Rick's hand, he ignored me and so he's on the shite list) yelled at me at the reception, "Hey Sam, watch out for those plastic cups on the the table! You could break those, too!" I turned to him, politely bulked up my muscles, arched an eyebrow and quitely gave him an "f*** you", then walked away. I do so love weddings.

The whole shindig lasted till 10 and I packed up my one hundred and fifty dollar rented DJ equipment into my rented 2008 Dodge Caliber that cost me 64 dollars (that's the breakdown of it, Ronnie. Please send the check fast as I am late with the rent) and headed out of Fripp Island and towards home. There's just one slight problem of that I knew how to get there, thanks to Mapquest. I just didn't know how to get the heck out of South Carolina.

To paraphrase Roger Ebert, I hate South Carolina. Hate, hate, hate, hate. I try to give it some respect because it's one of the original thirteen colonies, but I could give a crap on it. The women are freaky, the men are asses, and the roads are screwed up. Here I was for over two hours trying to find my way off of this place with no signs anywhere telling me how close to I-95 I was because I was going in a circle. I felt like I was trapped in Groundhog's Day. I kept seeing the same McDonald's, the same Publix's, the same ugly hooker in the black sparkly dress on the corner over and over and over again. I asked some punk kids at a Sonic how to get to a main road and they couldn't even tell me how to tie a shoelace. It finally took a burley guy in a black t-shirt covered in skulls to give me the right way out and when I did, I took it at eighty and every corner on two wheels. Oh, and for the record, the Dodge Caliber has great mileage and smooth handling. Thanks, Enterprise Car Rentals! I finally got in around 1:30 a.m. and fell asleep once my head hit the pillow, just so I could forget about the pain of being in a crappy state.

There are other things that happened over the weekend as well, but I'll hold off on them later. The worse thing that happened is while in Beaufort, my laptop was badly screwed up due to being in a carry all bag with a bottle of Downy Wrinkle Realease which messed the whole thing up and now not working. I'm now typing this post at South University's computer lab and will now be out of a home computer till further notice. This is what I get for crossing state lines, I suppose. So, if anyone wants help me get a new laptop, click on the PayPal button and make a donation. You'll be glad you did and thanks!

Labels: my life

Friday is going to be crazy for me. It turns out that my bestest friend ever Ronnie is getting married tomorrow, which I can say I'm excited for. There's only one problem. I almost forgot it was happening this Friday. I mean, I knew it was gonna be on a Friday, but I thought it was gonna be, like two Fridays from now. Yeah, I got the invite and all that. Hey, I AM EVEN IN THE WEDDING. I just forgot what day it was. Here, have a cookie and listen.

I get the phone call yesterday morning. The phone call woke me up.

Ronnie: You awake yet, sunshine?

Me: Yeah, yeah. I'm up. What's happening?

Ronnie: You got everything set?

Me: Yeah. I"ll call Rody's Music for the DJ setup, I'll get the wedding music for you, I"ll get the shoes. We're ready for Friday.

Ronnie: Yep. Just a couple of days away.

Me: Wait. It's this Friday?

Ronnie: Yes, dumb ass. I get married this Friday.

Me: Ooooh. Okay. Well, I'd better wake up and get cracking then, huh?

In one day, I got the DJ setup, I got the music, and I got the shoes. I rented the car today so I don't have to drive the Escort to South Carolina to see it break down, as it is a piece of shite. Still, I am ready for my pal Ronnie's wedding. I'm proud of the ol' hat and glad that he's finally jumping the broom. I just regret having the be the one to play The Carpenters. For that, I could stay in bed.

Labels: my life

Meet the New blah-blah, same as the Old blah-blah-blah.

Well, it looks like you made it over from My Space. Glad to see you here. By now, you've looked over the place. Kicked the tires, popped the hood and all that good rot. Now you ask, "This is okay, I guess. But what's in it for me? How's the mileage on this thing?" Let me sit you in the seat here and tell you all about this. How about a lovely soda for ya? You hungry? We got donuts.

First off, I've been working on this for nearly five years, as of June 29th. Since then if you will look to the left and below in the archives, I talk about a lot of things. You can Google almost every topic I've ever talked about here and there's a bunch. I also have a penguin named Carl Wintergarten Who loves the visitors here, because you can feed him fish.

One more thing I have here is the freedom to cut loose. I know what most of you are thinking, that he could do that on My Space. Not really. When I was doing that blog, it felt like I could be a bit angrier. I could spit out the F-bomb there and no one would say anything. While I do like saying the F-bomb a bunch, I felt as though being angry a lot wasn't helping my writing. That was the whole reason I started writing again: for the sheer fun of it. Well, I'm bringing the fun back to blogging again.

I'm going to talk about my life, which of course has its little twists and turns and I'm gonna have fun writing about it. No moping or griping or bitching about it. "It is what it is" I always say and I'll talk about it here, warts and all.

I'm gonna talk about things that jerk my chain. Not about folks I know in private, as I'll save that for when I see folks that tick me off in behind closed doors and I think I've gotten rid of them anyways, so this should be easy. You can expect the return of the annual Miss Celebrity Skank Awards soon, with the adding of Mr. Celebrity Douche Bag afterwards. Oh yeah, we'll have some fun with this one.

Also, there's loads of You Tubery here. Lots of it, when I'm too tired from dialysis. You'll either get a cheesy cartoon, bad 80's video, or coming soon, "Underground Savannah". This will be the ONLY PLACE to see it as I don't want to see myself all over the place.

OF course, the biggest thing reason for you to be here is, truthfully you the reader. I really want to hear from you and what you think about this place and what goes on here. You can leave a comment here and not worry about when I'll look over it and post it. Just leave your name and email address in the comments (you don't have to have a website to add a comment) and click in the box if you want to see a follow up to what you said and you may receive it very quickly. I can really be prompt on these things.

Like I said, drive it around. Have a look at a few things. Click on one of the many supporters on the blogroll (I have my favorites in there and if you ask me in private I can give you one or two of them **cough** tomsutpen.blogspot.com!**cough-cough****) and let me know what you think. I hope you like what you see.

Oh, just one more thing from me. To quote The Reverend Run in his "Raisin' Hell" days, "We've had a whole lot of superstars on this here stage tonight. But I want y'all to know one thing: THIS IS MY M*********** HOUSE!"

I'm tired of using that Who line, that's why.

Labels: blogging, my life

Let's see, I saw "Indiana Jones 4" on Wednesday night at midnight along with some of The Summer Movie Posse and thought it was a great movie. I'll give you the short review here: It's kind of like saying that Strawberry is the least favorite flavor of Neopoltian ice cream, but it's still pretty durn good. I'll try and post a couple of photos up this weekend for you.

Speaking of which, I can finally upload cell phone photos online now, so you can expect to see some ridiculous stuff here soon. I think the best photos are the one that have movement and action that makes it look more natural. Look for those on the horizon.

No, I did not go to the blogger 's seminar on Wednesday. I was sick and tired literally that morning and needed to rest. I heard it was okay until they got into computer speak. You know, "Will this stuff go to Linux", or "If my wifi can't connect into the motherboard, can I just strip it into my chichiwhadilly and flux in onto my paradiddil so I can have access to my Oom-mau-mau" or something like that. Also, my laptop is old and the other guys would have laughed me out of the room.

I've got some wonderful things coming up for this very site in the near future as we get closer to our fifth anniversary of blogging. This site has gone from a dog and pony show to a dog, pony and dancing pig show so I think it's time for new things here. That doesn't mean changing the template as I think folks like the familiar, so the best thing for me to do is don't screw what's worked so far. Plus, I don't feel like fighting any HMTL right now. Look for some exciting news here soon, and that includes "Underground Savannah".

Finally, I leave you with Weezer and their new song "Pork and Beans", in what could be the marching song for this page as we've delved into the pop culture of the internet, especially You Tube and it's many "stars". Just watch and guess how many of these folks you've seen online at 3 in the morning. Have a safe Memorial Day weekend and I'll talk to you after Monday!

Labels: blogging, movies, my life, Weezer, You Tubery

I'm not going into it again. I jut posted on the My Space blog about women that has a lot of good curse words in there about them. Needless to say, read it to yourself at the office. Until then, I'm just gonna post this wonderful clip from The Muppet Movie that should explain my plight. Sing, Rolf!

Labels: my life, The Muppets, women

I know, I know. I'll just try to make it brief, all right?

I saw that My Space has now applets that folks can use. I looked at them and I really think they're cute, but I really don't have time for any of them. I did notice that a few of my pals here have used them and have challenged me to play trivia or Texas Hold 'Em. I'm just too busy to play. Sorry, gang. Dialysis, college, work and stuff. Oh, and the blogs come first.

Now, I do now that there is an applet that lets you buy someone. Really, tat one is just ridiculous. I got a phone call from one guy who said he had just "paid" for me and I thought it was just goofy, especially who the buyer was. Suddenly, I noticed that I was being "bought" by other people. Here's my thing, and maybe I may sound picky about it but what do I get out of being bought? WHERE'S MY PIECE? I mean, you bums may be thinking you're getting something good, but I am not seeing one dime out of it. Hell, if you really want to make this good, GET ME A FRICKIN' KIDNEY SO I CAN LEAD A SEMI-NORMAL LIFE AGAIN. I mean, I feel like these boobs are trying to pimp me out. And no, I will not buy you, dear reader. Think about that for a moment as I ease into the next subject.

I don't know what got into the water, but I have been hearing the "N" word lately, and not just from stupid assed strangers, but from folks I know. I guess most of you know me by now and know that I really don't like that word. I mean, slavery's over, Rosa Parks sat in the front seat, Martin marched, Malcolm yelled, Hank got 715 and now we could have a Black president soon. I think the time for the use of the word is done, at least with me. I tire of hearing the word and not jst from my own race. From folks I know and trust. I don't care whether how it's said, with an "r" at the end or an "a". I am sick of hearing it come from anyone's mouth. That being said, this is how I will handle it. As before in a previous post, I said goodbye to some of the drama in my life and haven't looked back. I am now officially getting rid of the "N" word in my life. If you are my friend, I hope that you will never use that word in my presence EVER again. This goes to everyone, Black, Asian, Hispanic, or White. To my Black, African-American, Sepia, whatever we've decided on, I know that we kinda use it when no one else is around. But just even saying it in private gets us in trouble. I know what Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle said. But that just gave every White frat boy a reason for them to tell the bit to their buddies. Let's just keep it down. I'm looking at you, Lil' Wayne.

As for the rest of you races, I'm telling you now to just stop it. Some of you think I'm talking about you and maybe I am. Let's face facts that I'm not the the stereotypical Black man. Hell yeah, I can belt out Skynard some nights better that what's on tour now. Right, I don't let my pants sag below my ass, I don't drive a pimped out ride, I can work an Hip Hop and R&B Leader just as mush as I can work Savannah's Best Rock and you wouldn't know the difference. I am not a White guy trapped inside of a Black man, which I do truthfully joke about. But I do know the truth that I am a Black man who has busted his hump and did so much to make sure that he doesn't become a thug, a pimp, or a hustler just like his father was. I am proud of my race and at the same time it angers me to see what has become of some of it. I hope that one day, as people are becoming more and more multicultural and the races are mixing together more often, we can all become a people of change and hope. Sorry, I guess you can see who I'm rooting for, but it is what it is.

To wrap this all up, I am glad that you all are my friends. I hope you understand why I don't use the applets and will never buy, sell or trade anyone for a profit. If you are truly my friend, you will understand and respect my wishes. If not, when why were we even friends in the first place? I hope it was for all the right reasons.

Labels: my life, My Space, racism

M is for the Many times she made me get my lazy ass out of bed to get an education.

O is for the fact that she was Only the best cook in the world.

T is for Trying her damndest to raise nine kids on her own and she did wonderfully.

H is for putting up with all the Hell we raised and the Hell she raised back when we messed up badly.

E is for Everyday that she would hug us when we were good and scold us when we screwed up.

R is for, in my opinion Really, the greatest woman that ever walked the face of the Earth and beyond.

Put it all together and they spell Sara Elizabeth Gordon, my mother. She's gone but never forgetten. Thanks, mom.

By the way, if you forget to get your mom a gift today, you can use this post as a letter for her. You unoriginal boob. Next year, get her a diamond to make up for it big time.

Labels: family, my life

I originally sent this letter out to Tina a few days ago. It was so good, I'd thought I'd share it with you today.

Because I am lazy.

Today started out rough. I mean, rough. I was feeling down and I really needed to cheer up. I hate my online classes and it was driving me crazy. While I was in the car, I talked to God and Mama, as I like to do a lot of these days. I told them my problem and asked if they could let me know everything is gonna be alright.other than that,I went on with my day. New comics came in into the store today and I got to joke around with all my pals at The Comic Box like I do every week. wen chat about nerd stuff and who can beat who every week, which is always fun.

At one point, I was joking around with one of the guys and I told him I would sock him in the nose. The guy said, "You know, if you hit me there, you would actually kill me", as nerds secretly know fifty ways to kill a guy, but are too scared to do something about it. That's when I said, "I got nothing to lose". Afterwards, someone who overheard me said, "Sir, you are a
dangerous man." To which I stated, "You know, I literally at death's door three times a week. I guess if I go, I gotta go." At that point, I became okay with my own mortality for the very first time. Everything is cool. If you die, you die. It may not be in the game plan, but it is what it it. But until then, all you gotta do is keep on moving.

My mind still lingered on taking a break from college for a quarter when I got to work, and I talked it out with Damien's girlfriend Nichole. She was right when she told me that if I've gotten this far and I shouldn't stop now or else I'll become Jan and quit and never go back when you could have a degree. I just needed to be sure that I would be okay.

I left work and rushed to the college as I had to be there at six for a test. I worked on the notes at work and was prepared. As soon as I walked in, folks were already started, so my teacher Mr. Cone gave me my copy of the test and I started as quick as I could. Before you knew it, after thirty questions, I was done before everyone in the class. I was the last to enter and the first to leave. Sweet.

Then, i saw one of my classmates Denise and she had asked if I had seen another classmate named Will, to which I told her that I didn't. Denise said she was looking for to see if he could change her tire since she had a flat. I told her I was offended because I may look like a geek, but I can change a tire. She showed me her car and the flat on the driver's backside and changed it in fifteen minutes, all while the class was on a break. We noticed that her donut tire was flat, so I told her to go to the nearest gas station to get some air to make sure it was good. After the class, I followed her to the air pump at Enmark on Waters where we filled it up, but sadly there was a leak in that tire was well. I advised her to buy a can of FIX-A-FLAT which you spray into the tire, covers the inside of the rim with adhesive and air until you can get to a tire store. We got it and it worked and we were both getting ready to leave when all of a sudden a man in a white truck asked us if we had I flat tire and I explained to him the situation. He said that he could fix the first flat by plugging the hole and he had the stuff in his truck. When I asked him how much would it cost to do it, he said that it's no cost and that he was just paying it forward. I looked at Denise and said, "Today was your day for good blessings". I drove off knowing that she was in safe hands.

So, what have I learned today? Simple: To don't give up, don't look back, and always give forward. It's the best feeling in the world.

Oh, and I decided to return for Summer quarter.

Labels: my life