Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

TURN UP YOUR SPEAKERS!!!



Meet the THX Lemur. Dramatic Chipmunk, you have met your match.

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Sunday, January 27, 2008

Self promotion





Like it? It's the new banner, kinda. I took the banner, which was actually made a year ago by my evil Brit twin, Sam. I then found the HTML for another banner and jerririgged my own into the code. Now, you can post 'em everywhere! Stick 'em on your Car! On the Fridge! On the dog! Stick 'em on Grandma! She won't mind!

Or just put 'em on your site. Please.

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Sam Johnson Theater

(In which our hero has Friday off to work on homework when he get's a phone call around five in the afternooon from a fellow karaoke host. Some names have been changed for humor sake. We pick up in the middle of the call...)

Sam: So, what can do for ya?

Needy McNeederson: I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming in for me tonight?

Sam: Well this is sort of last minute, isn't it? I had made plans for tonight and we start at nine.

Needy: Oh no. I'd need you to finish up my show tonight? You know, come in later for me around midnight?

Sam: (sputtering) Wha-? Wait, wait. You want me to come to Captain's Lounge at midnight and close out? Why can't you do it?

Needy: Well, I have my new job at the car lot that I started this week and they want me to come in tomorrow morning at 8.

Sam: (inhaling) Alright. I'll come in this time. This is the second time I've had to do this for you though, you know. I have my own plans tonight, plus I have dialysis early tomorrow and I have to schedule everything around that.

Needy: Well, I have to work early tomorrow!

Sam: (pissed to the highest of all pissedivity) You know what? Just be ready to leave when I get there. I see you then.

END SCENE. Fade to black.

Okay, I'll let you all figure out what was wrong with that whole conversation right there. WHat part of "dialysis" do some folks not get? This isn't like I'm going in for a curl and dye job, for Pete's sake.

In other health news, I've been set up for a sleep test next month as it turns out that my sleep apnea has returned and wreaking havoc on my rest. This means that I will probably have to wear a CPAP to bed again for a good while. So ladies, if you ever wanted to have that sleepover with a hockey goalie, now is your chance.

I love my life...

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Monday, January 21, 2008

A Dream

Yesterday while I was on the air, an ad for a store having what they called a "Martin Luther King, Jr. Sale" with prices that where 30 to 40% off. Needless to say, I was not happy that it aired and could do nothing about it since they paid for it. So at the end of my show, I told listeners to respect the memory of Dr. King and observe it well. The day isn't meant for a shoe sale. I lft it aat theat end ended the show for the day.

For anyone who've just heard soundbites recently of the memorable "I Have A Dream" speech, is in luck. In 2000, The Kids WB ran an animated daily series called "Histeria" which took an irreverent look at world history for kids and was a very funny way for anyone to learn about the world. One of it's best episodes was titled "Heroes of Truth and Justice". Dr. King was featured at the end of the program and the best part of the show, if not the entire series. When I first saw this, I cried because it was nearly a word for interpetation of the speech, featuring the voice of Dr. King himself. This vid is nearly 22 minutes long, but I promise that the final segment is worth it, especially today.

VIDEO REMOVED DUE TO LOADING PROBLEMS. BLAME AOL.

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Sunday, January 20, 2008

Low On Drugs

Okay, there's a reason behind the title of this. Right now, thanks to me taking Prozac and now Atavan to calm the anxiety, I'm laid back as ever. That's correct: I AM LOW. Not high, but LOW.

Now, this isn't like downers or anything of that nature. To be quite honest, I'm just there, if that means anything. Considering that I'm such a neurotic in the first place, it's nice to just sit back in the cut and just be there instead of being in the middle of it. Let's face it, I do too much for a guy like me. I'm in my second year of college now and coing to classes twice a week, the radio gig, the karaoke gig, the clinic three days a week. No wonder I have the attacks and I don't blame me for getting them.

You know the interesting part is that I talk to most folks who tell me their schedule and how much of it is a pain in the bum to them. I don't try to one up them to look like a jerk, but I do shake my head and say that I hope things get easier for them. Maybe one day, I'll get as lucky as they are. Then again, I'm diggin' on the new laid back Sam Johnson. SWEEEEEEET.

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The Dallas Cryboys

Once again, it's time for "No Socially Redeeming Value Videos: the Sports Edition". I'm not much of a sports fan but the drama of the Dallas Coyboysmade it interesting to me in a pop culture sort of way. The quarterback meets up with a hot chick who then allegedy begins to mess up his game all the way up the the playoffs when they go off on a trip together to Mexico just days before the big game and then lose it big time, all leaving their newest player crying like a wuss in front of reporters. It was a classic week and we have two versions of it for you. First, here's an eight second version of the 2007 Dallas cowboys football season.




NOw, here's the season as seen through the eyes of the most ruthless, evil man EVER. I just never knew he owned a T.O. jersey. I just hope he gets to wear it next season.



If you are a fan of the Cowboys, let me share with you my sincerest apologies. Remember, it could have ben worse: Romo could have dated Ashlee Simpson instead.

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Wednesday, January 16, 2008

High Anxiety

I called an ambulance to South University today.

Yes, I did.

See, I was in my public speaking class this moring around nine when an axiety attack happened. Now if you know me well enough and I think you do, I have no problem speaking in public. However, I was just sitting there and it kicked in. I quietly left the room, when to my car and tried to breath slowly to bring it down, but it never happened. That is when I called 911. Before you knew it, the ambulance was on campus, along with security to see what was the problem. The good thing was after a few moments, the aniexty left and felt normal enough to go home. Later, I went to an doctor's appointment that I had already scheduled and was prescribed Atavan to help me relax more. I feel much better now and don't feel as bad as earlier.

Ain't that some crap? Already less than a week in school and the ambulance shows up. Either I am gonna be the coolest guy on campus or I am a pariah. I mean, I gotta be the cool one. I walked away from an ambulance like Steve McQueen.

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Monday, January 14, 2008

"Book 'em, Dano."

Okay, this is just another peice in our continuing series, "No Socialy Redeeeming Valsue Whatsoever". For the longest time here, I've always talked about my love for TV Theme songs and it hit me recently that there's a lack of them on the air today. In order for the networks to get more ad revenue in, they've cut the run time of shows shorrter now than ever. Did you know that now an hour long show is actually just over 48 minutes and a half hour is only 22 with the rest of the time going to commercials? That means ther's no time for a good theme song to at least set up the premise of the show. So I wanna hear from you. Since they're slowly fading away like a rare episode of "Supertrain", what is your favorite theme song?

Just to get the ball rolling, I thought I'd start the debate with oane that's dang near perfect: the "Hawaii 5-0" theme. This was a music video before there was an MTV. The helicopter zoom in on Jack Lord, the hula dancer rump shaking then freeze and back for more to the beat, "ZULU AS KONO", that sets up everything! The only thing that would have made it better would have been a shot of arch villian Wo Fat laughing like a demon. Tv didn't get any better than that and I'd like to see "NCIS" actas hip as that.

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Sunday, January 13, 2008

Blurry

As some of you know by now, I host karaoke shows for two reasons: Money and the fun of it. Recently, I had two gigs during the weekend, however since the other bar I worked had the stupidity to drop me after I was sent to salvage the gig after the last guy was a complete jackhole and screwed it up (it is long story that I don't really want to go into here), I'm down to one place left.

The name of the bar is called Steed's and it's on Echols Street. It's sort of hidden away off Abercorn between the Green Frog and the Saturn Used Car place , but once you turn off and look to the right quickly, you can't miss it. I'm there on Saturday nights from 8 pm until, which I should mention is also my dialysis day. I've only been there for three weeks and I've left my mark. Not like a cat who leaves a stinky, yellow mark on your new jeans to let you know who is boss of the house of course, but you get the point.

The way I handle the bar, as I do with any karaoke gig is just have fun with it and never take any of it seriously, until it comes time to sing. Otherwise, we're gonna have some fun with the whole idea of the concept. With Steed's however, it's different due to the fact that we have (so far) a very light amount people show up. Last week, we had about seven people get up and sing the whole night, which I thought worked for me considering the day earlier. So, I took what I had and worked with it to make it bigger, kind of like the story of the man who made stone soup. Ask somebody about it as I don't have time to tell it right now.

Last night was a rough one. I had to go into the radio station to do a show for later that night on the air and I still had to do my show at Steed's. That didn't give me time to rest after the clinic earlier. Needless to say, I was worn out when I went to pick up the equpiment to do the show from the folks I work with for the show. They were very concerned that I wouldn't be able to do the show, but I assured them that I culd pull it off if I could just sit for a few and catch my breath for a few. When I got to the bar, it was quiet with only a handful of folks there due to rain plus the NFL playoffs were happening at the same time, which meant it was going to be a slow night. Other than Gina the bartender getting up to do a few songs that night, there were only two others who got up to sing. One was a woman named Genna, who loves Pasty Cline and the Rightious Brothers. So much so, that she asked me to sing Bill Medley's part on "You Lost That Loving Feeling". Sadly, she had toleave becasue she wasn't feeling too well. Fortunatly, I had a surprise from Sheryl, whom I met from My Space and her boyfriend Bob. Sheryl also hosts karaoke gigs and can sing very well. She even took a shot at one of the most beautiful, but toughest songs in the world, "And I Am Telling You" from "Dreamgirls". Hey, it was just us at one point, so we just sang to sing. I even did "Easy Come, Easy Go" by George Straight and I had never even heard of it before. It was wonderful and I felt much better later that night.

If you have no plans on Saturday nights, you should come on down to Steed's. Right now, it's not so crowded, the beer is good and cold and we're having a blast, or at least I am. Just look for me in the corner of the bar when you walk in. I'll be the guy who looks like he's stoned, but he isn't.

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Tuesday, January 08, 2008

"McCoy: Agent Of C.H.A.N.G.E.!"

PRESS RELEASE

Coming to the CW is the hottest new show EVER! Due to the Writer's Strike, time slots on all the major networks will have to be filled by some type of programming, so The CW has gone to producer Michael Buckwieser for help and does he have a doozy. Using footage from a previously done television show no one barely remembers, Buckwieser has redubbed the actor's voices, changed a few graphics and created the all new McCoy: Agent Of C.H.A.N.G.E!

It's 1980 on a planet not unlike Earth. Meet it's savior, Brick McCoy! Dedicated agent for the myasterious goverrnment agency, C.H.A.N.G.E.! Together with a crack team, McCoy and his fellow agents fight the forces of S.H.A.D.O., an evil organization out to destroy the world of young adults, ages 18 to 24, with demographics leaning to men! Will S.H.A.D.O. gain support, or will Brick anf the gang save the world with carefully placed product endorsements from Powerade, AXE, McDonalds and Ford? Find out on McCoy: Agent Of C.H.A.N.G.E. (formerly the 1972 series "U.F.O."), Wednesday nights @ 9, following America's Next Top Model, ONLY ON THE CW!



Fight on W.G.A. and make it quick before this happens...

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Monday, January 07, 2008

Truthidity In Action

I am making up for not cleaning up for the holidays by trying to clean up today. I haven't been home or I've just been too damn lazy to do anything. I'm hoping to at the very least take care of the downstairs today. Maybe I should have gotten a one bedroom flat instead of a two story carriage, but I am getting exercise by walking up and down a flight of stairs.

This morning was rough. When I woke up, I felt chest pains. I didn't think I was having a heart attack because I could only feel it in my chest and not my left arm. I think it started when I got a phone call from a bill collector early in the morning and the ring startled me. I never answered the phone by the way as it was early and I don't have the money to pay the vultures, but it still got me. I went downstairs to take my meds to be sure I was okay, but because I am so anxious I decided to drive myself to the emergency room, in case it was worse. As soon as I go to the hospital, I could see that the parking lot was completely full and there where no open spaces. From there, I started to curse the entire name of Memorial Medical Center aloud, saying how in the name of Baby Jesus could they not even have room for anyone who has an emergency when you can't even find a parking spot? Before you knew it, the pressure was gone from chest, so it looks like it was my anxiety after all. This is what I mean by truthidity, people.

One more thing before I go for now. I'd like to thank David for nominating me in The Best Kept Secret Weblog in this year's Eighth Annual Weblog Awards. I'd like to think that my writing has gotten better over the years although it's only when I am able to work online at home do I only get to use Spellcheck on these posts. Still, if they can get over the bad spelling, I'll take the nod from the judges if I get picked.

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Sunday, January 06, 2008

2008-The Year of Truthidity

After the year we've all had last year, you would think it would be time for a break. Nope. As soon as the new year in just into nearly a week, Britney Spears goes bananas and nearly tops the proper headline in the news that there is a Black man in Iowa for the very first time EVER. Where are getting ready to elect a new president of our country and Miss Wacky Go Boom Boom gets catred off in an ambulance and all of the world is there to see it. It is so true it is stupid and vice versa. That is why I am calling 2008 The Year of Truthidity. Truth+Stupid=Truthidity. Simple as that.


Think about it for a moment. Have you ever had something so dumb happen to you and it was so unbeliveable that it just couldn't be real, yet it was? If there is a proper word for it, like "irony", then I would use it. But I don't wanna because that is too big a word for this. Nope, it's time to break it down to it's blue collar, Joe Sixpack roots. Here's some personal examples...

I go to dialysis three days a week, and yet I have a full class load for college, I host kareoke three times a week, a radio once a week, and I look like a slim Al Roker. Dammit.

I don't drink or smoke anymore and can't stand it now, but I still work in placces that have them both in the air and when I get home, I wind up smelling like a Queens, N.Y. living room.

I am a Black man who can sing the hell out of some Lynyrd Skynrd. Actually, I like that one becasue that pisses off the rednecks in town here. I can't help it, but it's funny to see the looks on their faces when I do "What's You're Name" with a bad assed swagger. It's funny because it's true, a great man once said. Because it is true, it is also stupid as anything. Hence Truthidity.

It seems to me that these days, the most sane people in the world will do the craziest things in the world, wheather it's smart or not. Look at the presidential canidates. A woman? A Black man? A Hobbit with a hot red head for a wife? Arthur from "Law and Order"? Added to the fact that those mysterious cacuses are earler than ever, all so we can get this year over with quickly to get the other guy in the office out as soon as possible? That is just truthid.

Or how about the Writer's Stike? As much as I support the WGA, it's time to get these guys back to work before we have nothing left on television but reality shows. Omerosa is back on the air for no damn good reason at all again. Survivor: All Stars have brought back the canker sore that is Jonny Fairplay. Who he hell is Heidi Montag and why is she so popular? Even Snoop Dogg has a show. I thought he would have the sense and Semsemilia to just cut records, but now he just comes off as a Hip Hop Ozzy Osbourne. What next, TV people? "Manson's Family" with a day in the life of Marylin Manson and his brood?

All I'm trying to say here is that 2007 was a huge mess and that is why I came up with "truthididty". I will bet you a dozen Krispy Kreme Donuts that someone will do the stupidest thing in the world ever and it will all over the news at the top of the hour and all you can do is sit there and watch it unfold like a bad train wreck and you will shake your head in disbelief that someone or something so crazy could ever happen. Remember, the truth is out there and it is stupid a all get out.

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Friday, January 04, 2008

On the air and streaming!

I told you that 2008 in The Year of Truthidity and this news is so true, it's stupid. Beginning this Sunday and every Sunday from 12pm till 4pm, e.s.t., you can now listen to me live and online!

That's right! My show on WEAS FM/E93 will now be streaming online with the best hip hop and R&B around and one man bad enough to play it. Plus, I got prizes, requests and goofy stuff to talk about as well, so make sure to join me this Sunday for all the fun. I'll still have commentary here every Sunday as always, but now with crazy audio to go with it! See ya then!

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Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Oh Ate!

The good news is that nothing blew up and the computers are still working. Other than that, welcome to 2008, the year in which everything will be different from last year, or something like that. I hope that you had a great New Years Party and brought it in well, as I decided to sit back and chill for the first time ever on a New Years since I was a kid. Since I've been house sitting for friends, it was just me and the dogs this year watching Dick Clark (by the way, God bless him for getting back up there on the podium after all he has been through). I even wentr to bed a proper time which was amazing. Although, I did inbibe to kick off the year with a Segram's Island wine cooler my friends had in the fridge. Actually, it wasn't too bad and if you mix in a splash of lemon and a splash of cranberry, it takes the wine cooler stigma away and you have a real drink.

I'm not going top mention any of my New Years resolutions, because I have stated before that I have none and would like to just get thing's right this year. I have a year to get my Associate's Degree in Paralegal so I'm concentrating on that, along with keeping an eye on my health. It's sort of a fifty/fifty deal which leaves room for nothing else. Okay, more like 49/49 for the simple reason that I have a blog. Yes, you Dear Reader get the remaining 2%. But, it is a wonderful 2%. Not like the chalk water they call "milk", oh no.

I promise that this year, Sam-A-Rama will be as exciting as ever, with more kitchy You Tubery and even more posts and essays to get you through your life. I have also made the decision that not all the essays will be socially redeeming as writing for a magazine has made me think a bit about my style of prose and it is not pretty. Fathers wil be talked about. Food will be thrown. One actor could lose his Hollywood career from what I may say. Yes, this will be a shocking, amazing, yet made up year of "truthidity" ("truth"+"stupidity"="thruthidity". Suck on that Steven Colbert!) as we face the final of what has been a long, hard road for America over the last few years. Meaning of course, the last season of "The Wire", of which I have never seen.

Also, you may have noticed that the heading has changed at the top of your browser. Yes, we here have become "The Official Blog of May 17, 2008". What does that mean? Well, I really don't know. First, I don't see any of the other blogs out there as the official May 17th blog. Second, why not? What will happen that day? I dunno, but I figured why not celebrate it anyways. It just another special day in May to celebrate, other than Cinco De Mayo, Memorial Day and the first day of "Iron Man" on the big screen, which looks cool as Hell. Hopefully, somebody will come up for a name for that day and we can have some fun with it, as long as I don't have to go to dialysis that day.

One last thing I'd like to do is that everyone for their friendship and support last year, especially those fellow bloggers out there, including Mark, David, Pandora, Uncle Swan, Brent, Tom, Tony, Randy, Moos, Mikester, and members of the League of Savannah Bloggers Jen and Ivan, who is actually leaving Savannah but will always be a good member in standing. Thank you for the "feud" and the Porter Wagoner references. To everyone on the old blog roll, keep on writing and I promise to keep reading.

So there you go. The new, streamlined, Earth friendly, Ultra-Mega-Extreme Sam-A-Rama for 2008 with a Hemi. We've got some great things lined up this year so please stick around, I promise. Until then, as I said in 2007, "Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss". Maybe I can remember to do Goth Girl Blog Day this year and if I have time this month, get a moneky suit and celebrate National Gorilla Suit Day.

Thanks.

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