Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Sunday, November 25, 2007

El Globo Rojo

I hope you had a wonderful Turkey day as much as I did. I wound up having to go to dialysis early that day, however I did get a chance to get a plate from my brother that day before I got home to pass out, so it worked out well (See rule # 2 in "Chicken N' Beer").

Just a couple of things I need to mention here. First, the appearence of Savannah's litle magazine that could, Murmur Magazine's editor Tadd Trubb on TLC's Trading Spaces Saturday night as he and his friend Julie switched homes and remade them . Tadd told me about this on Tuesday, to which I just laughed out loud. When I saw the show last night, I laughed even more. The houses look great, but those decorators were jackholes, especially the women. Sorry, but I couldn't stand 'em, encluding the time one of the ladies thought that an fugly assed piece of fur would look great as a rug. You'll just have to watch the show. I hear that old host Paige is coming back as they try to revamp the program, which is fine since I never really watched it in the first place. If you like the show, give this one a watch. Check your listings as I am not TV Guide.

After the freakiness of the Thanksgiving trailer, I thought it was time to get back to normal here, so I'm posting a very special movie here today. If anyone over the age of thirty-five remembers The CBS Children's Film Festival hosted by Kukla, Fran and Ollie, they ran films that came from all over the world such as Digby, The World's Biggest Dog and other such films that were badly dubbed but made for kids. There was one that stood out of them all called The Red Balloon, about a little Paris boy and a red balloon that gives him such joy. It was just over thirty minutes long, there was barely any dialouge if any and was a great short film, from start to finish. It's being rereleased in varoius cities across the country along with another classic White Mane, about a boy and a horse and both have been remastered for today's audiences. For those of you who won't have a chance to see it on the big screen, anyone who saw it with a bowl of cereal in the Seventies, or you've enver seen it before, then I think you will enjoy a wonderful story about the plesent bliss of childhood and how an imagination can make a best friend out of anything.

PART ONE


PART TWO


PART THREE


PART FOUR

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Friday, November 23, 2007

"This year, there wil be no leftovers."

I had to come into work today to prerecord my show and I wanted to post something special for Thanksgiving. I'm glad that I posted it the day after since this video would probably creep you out if you had a good dinner. That being said, since I thought Grindhouse was one of the best movie experiences of the year, I wanted to share with you a faux trailer from the movie named Thanksgiving, directed by Eli Roth. Now, I'm not really a horror movie fan, or at least whatr they call horror these days, what with all the slashign and hacking. Hell, Roth created the Saw and Hostel franchises. However, this is one fake movie trailer that lives up to it's name. I just wish the scary flicks of today would just be made just like this: In three minutes and a creepy voice over and let it be done. Anyway, I hope you like it, at least those who can take the sick humor of it, which of course has BLOODY SCENES, NUDITY, SEXUAL SITUATIONS, AND A CREEPY VOICEOVER GUY. So, keep the kids away.

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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

If Anybody Asks

I hope that you liked the "Chicken N' Beer" essay and I know that there will be more to come in the future. Just not right now. It seems that my laptop has seen its last days sadly and so I'm back to just writing for the weekends till further notice or I get a new lappy. Do me a favor: Have a great Thanksgiving, don't eat too much green bean casserole and enjoy life. I'll check back in with you this weekend so see how fat we all got.

By the way, I will be doing Number 2 as I have dialysis Thursday. It could not be avoided, but at least I'm not at the radio station this year.

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Sunday, November 18, 2007

Freedom from Want: Chicken N' Beer

Ahhh, Thanksgiving.

The nice cool temperatures, the look of children at the New York City Parade, the smell of great food. If it weren't for the fact that everything else was so messed up about the holiday, it would be the perfect day. First up, the Whites took the land from the Native Americans and royally screwed them from that point on. Now when it's celebrated, families gather around the table only to destroy relations forever, someone has to say something to piss off somebody in the family after a few slices of turkey, which contains tryptophan, which is a chemical that makes folks sleepy and could cause them to do some dumb crap.

You've seen it before, because it may have happened at your own home. You get the third degree from the 'rents about your future and you tell them that you plan on being a stand up comic one day and your father thinks that you should stick with the family business and become a television repairman because that what he does and he's busted his ass for years to put food on the table and you tell him you don't want to sweat behind a TV and nobody fixes them anymore anyway, so he tells you that you are no son of his and you should jut get up from the table and just get the Hell out of his house for you are an ungrateful bastard and you tell him he can take that turkey leg and sit on it and you leave.

At least, that's how I remember it. I was drunk from the turkey when it happened. It could have been worse. There could have been guns involved, I dunno. My family is friggin' nuts like that.

All of this makes one wonder, what should one do for Thanksgiving when there's no Thanksgiving around? I would think that the average reader of this little piece wouldn't have the chance or opportunity to spend time with the family and won't have the chance to leave the Coastal Empire without the chance to celebrate. For those who've never been in Savannah for the holiday season and is used to a cold, crisp season, well you can just let that go right now. I'll bet you a penny that the temperature gets between sixty and seventy degrees, so other than the streets being quieter than normal it won't feel like your normal holiday. After that has mulled in your head, what should you do then? Well, that is why TV's Sam Johnson in here, kiddo. I got a few ideas that could ensure you have a safe and happy holiday.

ONE: Stock up now. If you go to the grocery store now or at least the night before Thanksgiving and just pick up a few things (turkey breasts, can of cranberry sauce, Stove Top Stuffing, can of veggies of your choosing, pumpkin/sweet potato pie), you should be in the clear. However, this magazine is free and you picked it up from inside The King's Inn or The Jinx or someplace, which means you're cheap and don't like to pay for anything, sooooo…

TWO: Mooch. Look, it is what it is. Somebody's got to be cooking something that day and you just want a plate of green bean casserole (someone tell me why that is a staple in Caucasian homes, please), so the best thing to do is make friends fast if you have none, so you need to do what you need to do to get your Food Jones on. Do this at least one month ahead of time at your local watering hole for your best opportunity and a good seat at the table. Once you're there however, there could be some dysfunction served along with the mashed potatoes, so be warned now before taking this step.

Also, you may have to date below your caste on order to get a good meal. I knew a guy once who dated a girl just to get a hold of her infamous red velvet cake that she only made on Thanksgiving and the moment he finished his slice he told her it was the greatestcake he had ever had and dropped her like a Hot Pocket fresh out of the microwave. Sure, it's cruel and inhumane to dump someone during the holidays, but you gotta eat and there is nothing that is going to come between you and red velvet cake now, is there? By the way, both sexes count in this, so ladies take heed. If his momma cooks that day, dump him on Black Friday.

THREE: Make a party of it. That may be your best bet right there. If you have a group of friends that won't be able to make it to their families that day, then get them together for one big ol' Turkey Day Jammie-Jam. Don't get dressed up because you already know these slackers and are in the same boat as them. Start the day in pajamas with the gang coming over while the parade is on and have some snacks and stuff while the turkey cooks. Everyone volunteers to bring at least one dish enjoy so you don't have to do all the cooking. Hell, if it's your place then you do the bird and they can bring all the sides they want.

Or better still, do what some friends and I did last year and have a chicken and beer party that day. Instead of turkey, a bunch of us got a few boxes of chicken, biscuits and sides from Bojangles on Derene (they were the only chicken joint open that day, so you may not get that lucky), stocked up on a few cases the night before and celebrated the day. By the time it was over, could not leave Wilmington Island, but that was because someone brought a special "desert" just for that night. Good times, good times for all…

FOUR: Wait till the next day. Somebody has to have leftovers on Friday. Sit down, shut up and on the day after, they'll be sick of looking at it clog up the refrigerator and you shall be rewarded. It's kind of like mooching, 'cept different.

I hope that these tips serve you well during the Thanksgiving holiday. These are also good during Christmas, Chanukah and any holiday where lots of food is served (Kwanza never has any good food). As for my plans for the day, I'm going to go with number two as I'll probably have to work that day and I know that my sister-in-law is cooking that day for my brother and their family and they'll have banana pudding for desert and not a green bean casserole in site.

Sam Johnson is a full time student at South University, a weekend DJ on E-93 Sundays from Noon to 4PM, hosts karaoke at various bars around Savannah, and has blogs at http://www.blaxstone.blogspot.com and http://www.myspace.com/blaxstone He would like to come to your house for Thanksgiving next year.

My thanks to Tadd Trueb and Murmur Magazine for this chance to show off my tryptophanic style of writing. You're the man, T-$

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Friday, November 16, 2007

News From Me

First, a heads up that my essay from Mumur Magazine "Freedom of Want: Chicken and Beer" will be reprinted here this Sunday.I've gotten good response from folks who've read it and you'll get to give yours this Sunday.

Also, I'd like to add my support to the members of the Writer's Guild of America. I wrote and produced my own little dog and pony TV show Underground Savannah years ago and know how some of the members who are also show runners feel at the moment, so my heart and prayers go out to them. If you wondering how things are going for the W.G.A. I can give you a heads up on three blogs. Mark Evanier, of course, is a veteran member and has been though a writer's strike before, so his News From Me site gives some valuable information that folks who don't understand why the stike is happening have a better insight. Tony Figuroa's Child of Television has links to various sites of bloggers who are also in solidarity, plus video of various strikes in Hollywood and New York. Finally, Late Show Writers On Strike is the weblog of the writers of The Late Show With David Letterman, with daily observations while they're on stike and off the air. It's funny and if you miss Dave's monolouge, not to worry as you'll get one good joke out of each post. Which is funny, because I thought Leno had writers, too. I wonder who's picketing for him and Jimmy Kimmel? The manatees who write for Family Guy?

I kid, I kid. All my best to the W.G.A. and I hope this all ends soon.

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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

AHEM....

Let it be therefore known that on this day of Our Lord in the year 2007 that Samuel Marquieth Johnson has changed the blogroll link of Thrilling Days of Yesteryear, created by Ivan G. Schreve (the "G" stands for "grouchy") to its new home on Blogger. The fact that I had to be shamed on Pandora's comment page is mean, just mean, man. However, it is now done and all parties should be happy. May he have a joyous time here and look out for the gift pack of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies Google sends out to new members.

Also, I stole Ivan's idea for a music player and have my own at the top right of your screen, featuring music from Deam Martin, Eric B and Rakim, Elvis Costello, Ben's Brother, The Time and more. Give it a play nad let me know what you think.

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Sunday, November 11, 2007

And now, A Sam News Update!

Okay, time to update y'all on a few things going on in Casa De Sam-a-rama. Just to let you all know, it has been a busy and trying week for me. Some of you know off line may know what that deals with that I really don't want to discuss here on the site for the moment, but let's just say that the situation has been taken care of and I did receive an apology from all but the the main party. I do hope to rectify that shortly as they now realize the mistake that they made. Once the situation has finally been resolved, then I will finally discuss it here.

Now, on to more sunnier news. I've been doing this blogging thing for a few years now and never really thought of myself as a professional writer, although I've seen many bloggers go one to receive book deals based on the works. I don't know if I'm on the road to that but I have gotten my first published piece in this month's Murmur Magazine. Murmur is a free local monthly slick that features music and culture here in Savannah and I was asked by the editor/publisher/bottle washer Tadd "T-$" Trubb if I would like to write an essay for an upcoming issue after reading my My Space blog and I took up the challenge that Monday night and had it ready that Wednesday. The piece is intitled "Freedom of Want: Chicken and Beer" (T-$'s idea) and is about what to do on Thanksgiving when you're single and you're looking for grub that day. Although there's been some publication problems from what T-$ told me this week, the mag should be hitting the streets this week. For those who don't live in the area however and would like to read the essay, I'll have it up next Sunday right here for your pleasure.

Also happening this week is my new gig as Kareoke host at Club One on Whitaker each Wednesday from 10 pm until 3am. If anyone has no clue of what Club One is, then let's break it down this way. Did you see the movie "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" or read the book? Okay, so one of the main characters in it is someone named The Lady Chablis. See, The Lady (as she is wont to be called) is a performer. Although, she was born a HE and Club One is where The Lady performs often. Yes, Club One is a gay bar. No, I am not gay either, if you are wondering. But I do have to say that the crowd that shows up to sing is one of the best I've ever seen. So, whether you're gay or straight, you really need to come on down this and every Wednesday night. I promise that you will not be disappointed.

Okay, that's all I got for now. Other than the reminder that I'm on E-93 every Sunday from Noon to 4, I'd doing somewhat okay on classes this quarter and I'm doing my best to drop that weight, that's all I got for now. This has been a Sam-a-rama News Update!

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Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Tonight on a very special episode of Sam-a-rama...

It's a very special episode of The Facts of Life, when Tootie learns that when you party too hard, it could lead to trouble and it's up to Mrs. Garrett to help her. The best part is it all happens in less than five minutes. Enjoy!

Check out this video: Facts of Life - Let’s Party



Add to My Profile | More Videos

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I have become a coffee fiend...


I became a coffee drinker in 1991 at the age of twenty-five. I was working overnights at Oldies 98.3 in Savannah and had nothing else to drink at the time to keep me awake. Somehow, I fell fell in love with the stuff, even though coffee makers at work always seem to suck. Either the coffee pot is never cleaned properly, or the coffee stays on the warmer for way too long and the smell of old java goes though the air and smells like burnt beans, or the coffee just plain blows because you're forced to drink it the way some office monkey made it to where it's too weak or too strong. You want to make a large Black guy mad as a rhino with something in its eye? Mess up the coffee. Go ahead. I dare you.

Last month at the radio station, the new market manager decided that the plain, boring maker had to go and brought in a Keurig Coffee Maker for the office. It's similar to the one in the photo above, except the one we have is just a little bigger. It still does the same as the the above and that is it makes single-serving cups of coffee. The way it's done is it accepts cartridges of various coffee, tea, even hot chocolate called K-Cup Portion Packs then pours the amount of hot water needed to make it as strong or as weak as you want it. It's as close as the perfect cup as a person will ever get. Because of that, I have become a caffeine fiend.

Just let me say that this machine has now made it bearable for me to even walk into the job these days. I now plan out my Sunday mornings around the new coffee maker. I refuse to even make coffee at home or even of I go out to breakfast if I know that I will be around the Keurig that day. On Sunday, I had two 6 oz. cups of Green Mountain Dark Roast. It was like Heaven and all the angels smelled of fresh coffee. Because of that, I wound up with a concentrated coffee high that had me buzzed all day and most of the night. As I write this, I have had two cups of Sumatrian and one cup of cappuchino and that should keep me up and awake long enough for me to make through classes today. I wish I didn't have to leave, but I have to get my education. I just wish I could take the coffee maker with me so we could be friends forever. It has become the only thing left at my job that seems to understand me and my troubles. If I could, I'd take it out for its own cup of joe for all the hard work that it's done. But it would just complain because the other guy's coffee wouldn't match up to the Keurig's high standards. Then it would call out the manager of the restaurant and bitch the guy out for making warmed over brown water and a fight would break out because the manager called the Keurig a German punk and I'd have to protect the machine's honor. This would be good for no one.

I had some time to think that out. However, it's because I've had too much coffee at the moment. Until then, I am gonna ride this high like John Force on a blacktop today. I'll check in later tonight. I need more Black Heaven.

I wonder if we can get a Cinnibon machine here at work too?

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Hail To Da Chief

It's very early in the morning here in Savannah and I'm just barely there right now. I'm at the radio station filling in for someone who can't seem to do the job well. But enough of that, as we have more pressing matters today. As most of you may know, I am a member of The League of Savannah Bloggers, formed in 2005. Ivan G. Shreve, who you may know from his own blog Thrilling Days of Yesteryear (the "G" stands "goody-goody") is also a member, so it's really just the two of us. There used to be three members, but the third guy was shady. Anyhoo, I got this comment this morning after enjoying my first espresso at work...

Sam, I received a bill in today's mail totalling $16,973.52 for charges...and damages...incurred at some swanky Las Vegas hotel for what appears to be listed as "League Of Savannah Bloggers BootyFest 2007."

Needless to say, I found this a bit disturbing--only because you saddled me with the presidency the other day and a glancing-over of the League's treasury yielded a shirt button and three Canadian pennies.

I tried to call your cell phone number today but all I get is a voice saying the number is "unreachable." And while I don't want to say anything before all the facts are in, this naturaly has me a bit concerned. Should I be?

Okay, first let me say that while I enjoyed my two year reign as President/Strongman of the L.O.S.B, I felt as though Ivan deserved the spot as he has moved from his old site to a new, sunnier page here with Blogger. He even has a photo of his own bad self on the page. So, effective last Sunday, I relinquished my role as Leader/Visionary and gave it to Ivan, but only for a year. 'Cause like, I might want it back after that. However after these claims, I must answer them point by point.

I am not sure why I was charged $16,973.52. Everything was good until the rumpshakers showed up. I got them at a discount because I had a coupon for 30% off. But then, Cris Angel, The Mindfreak showed up and screwed it up for everyone. He got piss drunk, told evceryone he could make the televsion on the wall disapear and tossed it out of the 21st story window of the Bellagio. He started screaming "MINDFREAK!" and started running around the room like Daffy Duck whooping and jumping around. I don't even want to get into the orangutan, the chocolate pudding and Louie Anderson. It all reminded me of the Fatty Arbuckle debacle and it gives me shivers just writing about it.

As for the treasury, I never asked for dues from anyone. I have a hard enough time asking foir folks to drop something in the Pay Pay bucket. However, there was more there than Ivan thought. I had at least two kuggerands, sixteen steel pennies, an RC Cola bottle cap, and a button from the Abe Vigoda Fan Club that was gathered during my tenure. However, since my time as Spiritual Guide/Grand Poobah of the L.O.S.B. as now over and I have given all responsiblities to Ivan, I have washed my hands of the whole "Bootyfest 2007" debacle. Besides, the Mindfreak said he would make the bill disapear. I can't see why Ivan even has the bill.

All I'm saying is, if you get a bill from the guy who manages Outkast and it's for a "It's Ivan's Turn" party, pay that brotha upfront first or it is my ass. Good luck on your year.

I need another espresso...

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Sunday, November 04, 2007

What happens when you are on a caffeine buzz...

I get this kinda junk in the bulletins on My Space all the time and folks expect me to send out a bulletin just like this. A bulletin is for when someone dies or the news is really important. If Edward R. Murrow were alive and he found out the the term "bulletin" was used like this, he'd be pissed the Hell off. Anyway, I better do this before my high goes away.

It was just two cups of dark roast esspresso at work that did it, kids...

Hi, my name is:

Samuel M. Johnson

but you can call me:

Dreamcrusher, Grumpy McLump-lump, Earl Hoffert

Never in my life have I:

Been to Europe

The one person who can drive me nuts is:

Me

My high school was:

Alfred E. Beach High School

When I'm nervous:

Start to st-st-stutter

The last song I listened to was:

I'm on the radio right now and listening to stuff I didn't even program today! Gucci Mane, really?

If I were to get married right now it would be to:

Let's just say that Allyson Hannigan and Halle Berre know who they are...

My hair is:

on my body. C'mon...

When I was 4:

I was a child. That and too short to get the cookies off the shelf.

Last Christmas:

sucked

l'd be:

sleeping

When I look down I see:

the floor

The happiest recent event was:

Hangin out in Brea last wednesday. Actually I stole that from the last guy who did this. I dunno what he did in Brea last Wenesday, but if it made him happy, I should really check it out...

If I were a character on LOST:

Larry, the guy who keeps wondering where Gilligan and Mary Ann are.

By this time next year:

I will be doing something as stupid as this on a caffeine buzz as well.

My current mood is:

READ THE LAST THING I WROTE! SHEESH! Some people...

I have a hard time understanding:

The success of Kim Kardashian. Oh, I forgot...She has a big ass.

There's these girls:

that all graduated from the police acadamy. They were three lovely girls. Now, they work for me. My name is Charlie.

If I won an award, the first person I would tell would be:

Al Gore. And I'd tell him to suck on that.

I want to buy:some new comic books. And a Slushie. And a good steak.

Where do you plan to visit:

Dreamland. I can't afford much else these days

If you spent the night at my house:

you'd make yer own damn breakfast and wash yer own dishes!

The world could do without:Star Jones and "Cavemen"

Most recent thing I've bought myself:Some time

Most recent thing someone else bought me:A burger. Cheap bastard. It was a Krystal.

My middle name is:Marquieth. Yeah, that's Black enough for you.

In the morning I:shake my fist and rue the day.

Last night I was:Watching "The Producers-The Musical" for the fifth time. I AM NOT GAY. I just like Mel Brooks.

There's this guy I know:

who is a loving, forgiving person who forgets your sins. His name is The Frankenstein Monster. He's gone good now...

If I was an animal I'd be a:

monkey. Because MONKEYS ARE COOL.

A better name for me would be:

William H. Cosby, III. For the money

Tomorrow I am:

doing too much crap.

Tonight I am:

coming down from my high

I wish:

I had a Cinnibon to go with this coffee!

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Thursday, November 01, 2007

KTZ IZ FUNNY!

They win. Dammit, LOL Cats win. It's too damn cute.


lolcats funny cat pictures

I'm a large Black man. I shouldn't be affected by cuteness. Dang.

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