"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Sunday, December 30, 2007


This weekend, I'm house sitting for a friend of mine named Billy while he and his girlfriend Kelly take a holiday. While I'm at the house, I'm to watch their dogs which is a treat for me. One is a cross between a bassest hound and golden retriever named Kelsy and is a wonderful dog. The other is an asshole named Ringo. Okay, I don't think that "asshole" is a particluar breed, but that would link dogs and humans in the evolution chain.

Ringo is actually a black chow mixed from what I can tell and barely over ten months old. He is loud, rambunctious, and a pain in the keister. When I fist met him, he jumped all over my lap, stuck his snout in my face and looked to be saying, "Hi, my name is Ringo" over and over and over, hoping I would give him a scratch. When I did, he would run around the room only to wind up jumping on me and saying, "Hi, my name is Ringo" over and over again. This would go on for hours, if I 'd let it. Basically, this dog has ADD and is a glory hound to boot. Whenever I would try to check on Kelsy, Ringo would just nose his way into the situation to act as thoough he was the only dog in the house. Poor Kelsy would just look at me with an exasperated look of, "What the Hell can I do? You're lucky to just be here for a few days. I had to deal with this ass for two months now", then she'd shake her head and walk away.

Billy warned me that Ringo has had the problem of jumping the fence in their back yard at their new house since they moved there last week and that I would have to put her on her leash. It seems that every morning after I get her out of her kennel and I walk to the back door all while tryingto unlock it and hold her back at the same time, she gets out and hauls butt to the back fence he jumps it like Steve McQueen in "The Great Escape". When it happened yesterday at seven in the morning, it hit me that I am a large Black man in a fairly quiet neighborhood yelling at the top of my lungs for a dog. That went on for ten minutes when a man can up to the front fence cradleing Ringo in his arms. "Aww, is this your sweet litte doggie", he asked. In a bit of early morning before I even had a cup of coffee sarcasm, I said "Oh, yeah. That's adorable little Ringo you have there, sir", with the sweetness Ranger Smith before he threatened to turn Yogi Bear into a rug, but not near Ike Turner telling Tina to eat the cake. Meanwhile, there's Ringo looking at me with those big brown "Can I haz cheezeburger now" eyes, playing it up as innocent as possible, all while giving me the Muttley laugh behind this guys back. When we got back into the house, Ringo did his best to brown nose me when I went off on a tirade of how I haven't even had a cup of coffe and I'm yelling out at seven in the monring with a neigborhood of old white people looking for a dog like a idiot and why can't you act like Kelsy, all the while Ringo give me the "Dude, I was playing around" look. That is when I called the dog an asshole. I think I also said doucebag as well in my anger.

After having a cup of java and finally calming down, Ringo and I had a talk where I told him that I was only looking out for his best and if something where to happen to him, I'm not sure what Billy and his girlfriend would do, even if they had him for two months when someone forced the dog on them and they weren't even sure that they even have another dog. After a few scratches on the forhead and a treat for Ringo, things seemed to be back to normal. That is until this morning when I went to take him outside again and he jumped again. This time, I drove all over the nieghborhood for nearly an hour before I had to go into the radio station and asking folks if they saw the dog. No luck whatsoever, so it looks as though as soon as I'm off work, I shall continue to look for Ringo. If you're on the Southside of Savannah, particularly on San Fernando off Largo and you see a dog that fits Ringo's description, let me know. I would appriciate it.

By the way, I would like to state for the record that I love and adore dog and wish that I could have one for myself if I could afford it. That being said, once again Ringo is an asshat.

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