Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Old Man Johnson-an essay for class

They say as a person gets older, the wisdom is imparted upon them. I'd personally like to find out just who those "they" are and whoop their asses. "They" are the ones who tell people that time heals wounds and watched pots never boil. I'm not ready for wisdom right now. I was perfectly happy trying to enjoy my life when all of a sudden age kicked in. Wasn't I on the living room just a few years back watching Bozo the Clown eating a cheese sandwich? That could have been days ago with me, but I was shorter and my clothes were smaller if I remember it well. That time is long gone now and I can't sit in the middle of the living room too close to tv any more. I've come to find out that with great age comes great responsibility and I must wield my new powers with care.

A writer once said that with age "the transformation is comparable to the one Clark Kent goes through: He takes off his glasses and becomes Superman; you put on your reading glasses and become. . . Old Person." The fact that a problem I now face becoming linked with my fictional hero doesn't sit all that well with me. When I was a child, I remember tucking my towel into my shirt and jumping off of things that were taller than me. When I became older, I could still do a vertical leap into the air, not enough to become permanantly airborn but still a good start. Now that I'm in my forties, I don't think about jumping to any particular place off of things bigger then five feet ten inches. My body isn't made for flying though space as it was when I was a kid. The only bit of space that involves me now is the one between my couch and how far away is my remote control so I can change channels on my television.

It wouldn't be so bad that I'm getting older now, but I had said many years ago that I should trust anyone over thirty. I said that when I was sixteen and look where it's gotten me now. I'm well past thirty at this stage and the disc jockeys at the radio stations these days are becomming younger. They now look upon me for guidance. Sam Johnson, the oldest living teenager. I have to be the one nw to tell the new kids to pick up their toys when they're done on the air. Whenever someone tells them that they're not allowed to play, the youngsters come to their cool Uncle Sam and let me know the problem. The interesting part of it all is that the new people trust my judegment and it shocks me. If those people had seen me twenty years ago with pizza boxes and beer cans scattered in the studio, cheerleaders half clothed running around the building and myself doing nearly everything I could to start a fight with the FCC, they would run to someone else much faster. It's me they turn to however when troubles arise and for that, I should feel honored that they do.

Perhaps I should be happy that I'm turning forty-one this year. Despite the kidney problems, my doctors have given me a clean bill of health. My cholestorol count is great, my blood pressure is normal and I haven't gone insane. I'll take all the things that I've learned so far in my life and pass them down to someone worthy of my knowledge. Maybe having wisdom is a good thing at this milestone. Plus, from the pictures I've taken this year, I look pretty damn good for a man my age. "They" say that forty is now the new thirty. It makes me wonder should I trust myself just a little bit more?

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