Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Saturday, December 30, 2006

The 2006 Sammy Awards!

Yes, it's time for our yearly awards of stuff that tickles us, made us sick, or just plain out irritated the Hell out of us. Moreso me than you maybe, but since someone took it upon them selves to bring back "According to Jim" out of the blue, then I gott every right to do a year end list. Each winner gets a kidney shaped award and a box of Rice-a-Roni, The San Fransico Treat. Now, let's give away some awards...

The Sammy for Best Song That Got Played To Death, But Still Sounds Good Everytime You Hear It: "Crazy" by Gnarles Barkley. I found out about this song in February and knew that it would take a while for everyone to catch up to it. When it did, it became a monster hit. I'm glad for that and glad for Cee-lo and Danger Mouse.

The Sammy for Catch Phrase That's Now As Dead As Techno: "I'm Bringn' Sexy Back". I'll admit, I was part of the goofs that used it when the song was a hit. Justin has moved on, so should you if you're still using it. Speaking of Justin...

The Sammy For Funniest Moment I Had While Trying To Sleep On A Saturday Night: "**** In A Box". Saturday Night Live has it's best moments these days whenever they pull out one of their Digital Shorts, but when Timberlake hosted a few weeks ago, the show pulled off a great feat: The whole show was actually great from top to bottom, with the now classic short as the topping on the cake. I'll link to the censored version of the song, since the uncensored version is all over the place.

The Sammy For Favorite TV Show To Not To Call Me For ANYTHING Award (THREE WAY TIE): "Heroes" is a show that I have watched from the beginning and have been hooked for its style and the way super powers would be treated in the real world, while "Smallville" comes back after last year's slump and not only brings up Green Arrow, but the upcoming formation of the Justice League of America in January. The fanboy in me can't wait. As for funny, I gotta give it to "30 Rock". Tina Fey is a great straightman for all the craziness of the show and finally, we get to see Alec Baldwin become the comic genius he was destined to be.

The Sammy One Way Ticket To Hell Grant: Mel Gibson, Michael Richards, K-Fed and the person who told Britney to go commando.

The Sammy Award For Overkill: YOU winning the award for Person of The Year from Time Magazine. Shame on all of you for even accepting such a crappy awards and you know who you are. First, there wasn't any montages, Halle Berry wasn't there to present you and you couldn't even see yourself on the freakin' cover. You should all be ashamed of your greed.

The Sara Elizabeth Jackson Honorary Award to Those Gone and Not Forgotten: We lost some great folks this year. Don Knotts, Robert Altman, Joe Barbera, Ruth Brown, Shelly Winters and James Brown are just some of them. They will all be missed.

The Sammy Award For The REAL Person of The Year: YOU. After all, you keep coming back here to see what I'm scribling this time. Thanks for that and I'll see you in 2007. Cheers.

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Friday, December 29, 2006

Let Him Dangle

By the time most of you read this, Saddam Hussein willl have been dead at the end of a rope for his crimes. I don't know how most of you feel about capitol punishent, but as for me when it comes to this guy, I say he's getting off lucky by going out like this. I posted the news on My Space earlier and got some coments on it, but someone left this one...

"How old is saddam? He must be getting on. We are all born to die, so executing someone really isn't a punishment now is it, cutting someone life a little shorter is not a punishment..that is why I say there are far worse things than death, coz once you are dead, it's all over...quick and painless...people like Saddam deserve worse than death. "

All I have to say it to that is SOMEBODY has to make up for me losing James Brown this week and it may as well be him. Now that is what we called in the Seventies "The Big Payback".

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Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Super Bad


Man, yesterday had to be the worst Christmas I ever experienced. First, I worked all day at the radio station from five in the morning until seven in the evening due to...Well, don't get me started. This is why I decided to stop talking about my job here. Needless to say, I was already tired when I got the news of James Brown's death. That had taken a hard day and turned it into heartrending.


I got a call from my boss telling me to put together a report on the death for some of the stations by getting audio for the online news wire. I opted not to go that route and one hour before I hit the air, I put the report together myself using my personal CD of music ("James Brown-Twenty All Time Greatest Hits") and rewriting reports and what I already knew about the man. This story became personal to me and I wanted to give the man the best tribute I could. I truthfully haven't done a news story since 9/11 and this was almost as hard and as saddening to write. But I did it and it ran all Christmas Day.
The one thing that kids these days don't understand is that before there were music videos of everyone dancing, before there were rappers talking about the streets, before any of these guys had a beat, there was James Brown. There will never, EVER be anyone that could match the man. They may bite the style and make it theirs, but they will never be able to top it. Ever. Not Justin, Usher or Michael Jackson. Not Jay-Z, Nas, nor Public Enemy. Not the Chili Peppers, Linkin Park, or The Rolling Stones. No one. The Man gave us FUNK. That is history

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Monday, December 25, 2006

"Say It Loud (I'm Black and I'm Proud)"


I'm sorry to disrupt your Christmas with sad news, but Mike Evans, co-creator of the seventies sitcom Good Times" and the first Lionel of The Jeffersons and All In The Family has passed away. Also leaving us this morning, The Godfather Of Soul, The Hardest Working Man In Show Business has sadly taken his final bow. If you grew up in the that ear, then you know how hard both those deaths are to anyone growing up then. They'll both be missed.

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Sunday, December 24, 2006

Carl And The Christmas Present

It was Christmas Eve in Savannah once again. There wasn't any snow on the ground, but you could tell the holiday was here, from the smell of cookies being baked, the lights of the trees in the houses, and everyone shopping the stores to get presents for their loved ones. And Carl Wintergarten was doing just that at this moment. He had gone online this year to pick presents for all his friends. He got a subcription for the Fish of the Month Club for his parents. He bought a remote control muscle car for Sam. He bought cards for all of his friends. With all the things that he purchased, he forgot one person for Christmas: His puppy friend, Bippy.

Carl sat and sat for hours wondering what to get his friend. Bippy was definitly on his list of folks this year as every year, but somehow with all the things he had done for everyone, Carl simply forgot. He didn't mean to. It just happened.

Carl knew he had to do something, but what could he do? He couldn't just face Bippy on Christmas Day without a gift. It would be wrong of him, he thought. So, he ran to Sam while he was putting the last touches on the tree. "Sam, Sam! We have to go shopping NOW! I forgot to get a present for Bippy this year and I don't know what to get him! I can't go online and shop, 'cause it'll be too late!"

Sam looked at Carl and told him to take a deep breath and calm down. "Carl, I hate to say this but it's sort of last minute now. It's Christmas Eve and the stores are gonna close soon. There may be nothing left in the stores at this point."

Carl said, "There just has to be something out there. Please Sam. Take me to the Mall and let me get something for Bippy." So, off in the car they went, through bad traffic. Through driving for what seemed hours to find a parking space. Trudging through crowds and crowds of other last minute shoppers to finally get to the front door of the Mall, only to hear over the loudspeakers, "The Mall will be closing in thirty minutes."

Sam looked tired, but Carl had an idea. "I got it! We'll split up! You go take one end of the Mall and I'll take the other. That way, we can both find something Bippy would like!" Before Sam could stop Carl, he had already scampered off into the crowd to the point where he couldn't be seen. Carl is, after all, very small. Carl ran and ran to each store window looking to see if there was something that Bippy would like, but unsure if it would be perfect. Sam meanwhile was looking around and asking folks if they had seen a penguin running around, which gave him very strange looks from people. Soon a voice came over the mall loudspeakers that said, "The Mall will be closing in fifteen minutes. Merry Christmas!" Sam knew he had to find Carl and get that present quick.

Finally, Carl found himself in front of the pet store where he saw in the window the perfect gift: A Neverending Chewbone. His eyes opened wide and he said, "Perfect!" as he started to walk in. But just as he did, a security guard walked up to him and said, "What are you doing in here? We don't allow unacompanied minors here in the Mall, especially unacompanied minor penguins!" Carl got scared and ran as quickly as he could to get away from the guard, but the man was on his tailfeathers. Carl dipped and ducked as much as he could through the crowd looking for Sam, but he couldn't see him. He knew he had to get away, so he ran into a children's clothing store. There, he saw a jumpsuit and a hat on a rack. He grabbed it without anyone looking, through the clothes on, jumped in the store window and stood as still as he could be. However, it wasn't a help as the guard ran by, stopped and noticed a penguin wearing kid's clothes. The guard grabbed Carl, who saw squawking and screaming for Sam to show up and off they went to the guard's office.

When they got there, the guard sat Carl down and told him that he didn't want to bring him here, but it was for his own good. Minors shouldn't be alone in malls, especially young penguins. They could get hurt or lost or ever worse. Carl started to cry and said he only came here to find last minute present for his friend Bippy and that he didn't mean to cause trouble. The guard asked Carl if he came with someone and the penguin told him who. The security guard got on the loudspeaker and said, "Will the owner of a very small penguin please come to Mall Customer Service, please?"

Sam heard the announcement and quickly ran to the office to find the guard and Carl sitting there and talking. "Thank goodnes I found you, Carl", said Sam. "I was looking everywhere for you!" The guard told Sam that Carl was fine, but that he shouldn't be alone in the Mall. Both Carl and Sam apologized for any trouble. Then Carl said, "Sam, we can still go get Bippy a present now, right?" Both Sam and the guard looked sadly, as the guard said the mall was now closing up for Christmas and that it was too late. Not a word was said in the car from Carl. He sat there as they drove home. When they got there, Sam made some hot cocoa for he and Carl, but the penguin wasn't feeling up to it. He felt as though he let his friend Bippy down. So, he hugged Sam goodnight and went off to his room where he went off to bed.

The next day was Christmas and all the presents were under the tree. Sam called Carl downstairs and the little bird came down slowly dressed in his pajamas. Sam said, "Carl, I've got a present under the tree for you, but I also have a surprize behind me." Carl wondered what that would be when all of a sudden who would step from behind Sam's back was his puppy friend, Bippy.

"Pandora said I could come over and spend Christmas with you guys", said the puppy who handed a box to Carl. Carl then began to cry. "I forgot to get you anything this year, Bippy. I went to the Mall at the last minute and got in trouble and I never got you a gift. I'm sorry, Bippy", said Carl. "That's okay," said the puppy. "The best present you gave me this year is just being my friend. That's all I ask for. Will you still be my friend next year, Carl?" The penguin hugged his friend and said they can be friends for ever and ever, no matter what.

Sam then looked under the tree and said and said, "Carl, you must have forgotten that you did get a gift for Bippy. There's something right here with his name on it." They both looked at Sam and went to the tree and saw that under it was a package that said on it, "Merry Christmas from Carl and Sam". Bippy went to open it and there it was: A Neverending Chewbone! Carl looked surprized as Bippy hugged him and said "I always wanted one of these! It's wonderful! Thank you, Carl!" The penguin smiled as he was happy that his best friend got what he wanted. Carl got what he wanted, too. An autographed photo of Burgess Meridith and a DVD of "March of the Penguins". But he just couldn't figure out how Bippy's present got under the tree. Maybe it was Santa, but however it got there he was happy either way. Because he got to share his friendship for the holidays, which is the best present anyone can give.

And as he put away the ink pen before Bippy and Carl could see it, Sam wished Carl, Bippy and YOU a very Merry Christmas.

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Friday, December 22, 2006

Almost Christmas

Just a reminder: The annual Christmas story will be up and ready Christmas Eve morning for the famliy. It's called "Carl and The Christmas Present" and is a very funny and heartwarming story for the holidays about friendship. I hope you'll enjoy it. But, before we get too happy happy, joy joy around here, here's a twisted take on "The 12 Days Of Christmas" from the band Taking Back Sundays.

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Thursday, December 21, 2006

Even Our Name Says "Merry Christmas"

Exciting news for penguin fans out there. I'm working on this year's Carl Wintergarten Chistmas story and will have it up on Sunday for everyone to see and enjoy with their family for the holidays. For those who just come here and don't really search around the page, Carl is our mascot who keps watch on the right side of the screen. I think I have a really heartwarming story that everyone will enjoy. I'll also reprint past stories on the My Space page, which has now been christened The Real Sam Johnson Show. That's right, playa hatas. It's back and it's funny. So, to get you all into the mood of the season, here's a classic from waaaaay back: The Norelco Santa.

Blew your mind with this video, didn't I?

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Sunday, December 17, 2006

A Scrubs Christmas

Once a year, I try to find you something to cheer you up for the holidays. I'm on the fence this year about a Carl Wintergaten Christmasd story this time out and I may have a solution for that down the pike, but right now I have found this floating along the internets, combining the classic tv special A Charlie Brown Christmas with the cast of one of my favorite shows that's back for what may be it's last season, Scrubs. You may be surprised who plays who, but it's fun to hear this line from Dr. Cox/Linus: "Tell me something, Newbie...If a tree falls in the forest and no one's around to hear it, are you still a dumbass?"

Needless to say, this is rated TV PG, so kick the kids out.

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A Change Would Do You Good


As you may know from frequent reading here, I've worked in terrestial radio now since I was sixteen years old and I've had a wonderful time over the years. But lately I've felt like the business has changed in the twenty plus years I've been broadcasting. Frankly, this is more of a kid's game now, plus with dialysis, I'm more tired than ususal and you need energy to do a four hour show. Hell, you need engery for a one hour show and I don't have that these days. So, I've made a major desicion that changes everything. I, your hubmle writer, am going back to school.


That's right: I'm gonna be a student again after nearly twenty years.


As long as I've done radio, I've made everyone else happy, but it was a struggle to get where I was. In the longest radio gig I had, I grew from weekends to overnights to primetime nights, from Public Service Director to Production Director to Assistant Program Director to finally Program Director, the top of the heap. That was a seven year struggle and I've programmed oother stations since then. I've programmed not just R&B as most would think, but Oldies, Amercian Standards, Top 40 and more. If you were wondering if any of the episodes of WKRP in Cincinatti were true, you bet they were and I dealt with it. However, I'm getting too old to bother with it anymore. Sometimes, I think the business doesn't want to bother with me anymore. So, I think it's best for both parties to walk away for this long affair.


I went in to South University here in Savannah on Wednesday to talk to an admissions director who explained to me what I would have to do to go there and wanted to know what classes I would have to take. I then talked to the school's disability counsellor who talked to at lenght at what's available for me classwise and that they would accomodate my needs going, letting me know that there shoulsd be scholorships and grants set up for folks like me. I was honestly a nervous wreck since everything I do now will change my life forever. The counsellor then asked me that if I wanted, would I like to start in January. I took a deep, long breath breath and said if I don't say yes now, I may never have the chance to say it again. I took the brass ring.


I was then set up for the CPT or College Placement Test for that Friday, which I took. For the record, not only did I pass the test, I CRUSHED IT. I put my foot thru the damn thing and walked away a college student and this has been the happiest I've been about anything in years.


So, what happens now? Well, on Monday I'll go back to the school to talk to financial aid about grants and whatnot and hopefully check into my major which will be Legal Studies. I 'll start off slow and go for a two year course for my Associates degree and if I do well, I'll fold that into another two years and get a Bachelor's. But whatever I do, I will have a future other than radio. It'll be hard to walk away from, but I hope that in the end, it'll be an easy walk.


As for you the reader, things are gonna be different from me just as a warning. My head will be held a bit higher now and I may become a bit prouder. After all, it's about time I got mine. All I ask from you is support and friendship. For those of you who've known me for years, keep doing what you do. For you newbies to the ol' Real Sam Johnson Show, respect me and I'll respect you. Because we're gonna ride the lightning in 2007. Oh yes...We're gonna ride.

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Friday, December 15, 2006

"Say It! Say It!!"



Is this clip featuring Rodney Dangerfield and Sam Kennison one of the funniest moments of the Eighties? Is it also a clue to the future?

Wait 'til Sunday and I'll tell ya.

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Thursday, December 14, 2006

Holy Crap...



Here's the way I remember Peter Boyle. Next to Karloff, he was the best Frankenstien Monster ever. Thanks for the laughs.

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Monday, December 11, 2006

A Christmas Meme

Once a year, I lament about living alone and not doing much for the holidays since I don't have a regular family. This year however, my mood has changed. Yeah, one day I want to go on a spending spree and buy everyone everything, but this year I've taken a Zen approach to it the holidays. I'm broke, so don't sweat it. So if you get a card from me, know it's from love and cheap pockets. Cheaper if it's an email.


So here's the thing: I gotta Christmas meme for everyone and it's very simple. Santa Claus has sent out an X-mas Genie to only the super good boys and girls out there and he's come to your house. Genies only give out three wishes, but X-mas Genies give four for Christmas. What do you ask for and remember, nothing is off bounds.
1. A dog. A very smart, cool dog that's easy to train. I'd name it Mike.

2.



A Kenner Easy Show and a Kenner Give-A-Show Projector. I had both of these as a kid and had loads of fun with them and would have evem more fun with them as an adult. Who needs DVDs when you can watch cool old film strips? Oh, and it must have all the strips.

3 (It's my meme. The above counts as one big thing to me, okay?).

A muscle car with an unlimted gas card and free matinence from Pep Boys for life.

4. That elusive kidney so I don't have to go to dialysis anymore and have that vacation that I've always wanted.

So, If I have to pass this meme along, I'd want to hear from everyone on what the X-mas Genie, I'd love to hear from all the readers on what they'd want. But to anyone specific out there, it has to be Pandora, David, Ivan, Swan Shadow, Brent, Tom, Homer, Mike and since he's never really experienced a meme before, First Reader Dave Hewitt. Everybody has their big Christmas wish. What's yours?

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Sunday, December 10, 2006

Zen and the Art of the DJ



Last night in a very chilly Savannah, I came out of retirement to DJ my first nightclub on over a year. I say "retired" because I'm getting too old for it. Once you hit forty, I think you're supposed to start listening to more adult music, like anything with less than 130 beats per minute (to be stated from this point on as "b.p.m."). But, I braved the cold weather and dialysis earlier that day to help out my friend Sam Diamond out for just one more night at a club called Doubles, which is situated in a Holiday Inn here in town. A little history of the place: I remember over twenty years ago when it first opened and it was a nightclub that played music videos (anyone my age should remember bars like that) and hosted crappy top 40 cover bands with names the The Party Gang and Trouble. I'm not sure if those bands actually played there, but if they did in your area in the eighties, they probably played crappy versions of "The Reflex".

The music now is different. It's still club based, but rap and r&b are the dance norm these days, with pop mixed in. The thing is, it's all been remixed like crazy. Here's another eighties staple: Do you remember those 12' inch singles of the hottest songs, and how they were remixed? Well, somebody out there still loves the eighties and he's dragging Gwen Stefani to the local bar. The name brand of the sound is called Ultimix. Truthfully, I like some of them, but in small doses. To hear the same beat over and over and over again would drive me crazy in the clubs. So, when I did a gig at a bar, I'd mix the beats up a bit and have a steady flow, starting off at 90 b.p.m. and working my way up for thirty to forty minutes and starting over again to give the crowd a breather. Every DJ's have a different groove, but the same objective. I just work a certain way that works for me and the crowd and I'll stick with it. However, doing it until three in the morning after all the noise, smoke and booze every weekend was too much for me to deal with as I got older, plus bar politics from who I think were some of the most ridiculous managment I had ever worked with made me just want to quit. If you know me offline, you know who I'm talking about. Not the first place, the other joint.

Back to Doubles now. I started playing songs, but nothing too dance-ish(think Rob Thomas and Maroon 5) at nine p.m. as folks started coming in from a Christmas party being heald next door. Immediatly, folks were asking when was the music gonna start. I wanted to punch them in their ears and remind them that I WAS PLAYING MUSIC, but what was on now wasn't the stuff they wanted to hear. So, I looked straight at them and told them to stick around for a bit. However, after telling them that, most of them just looked blank and asked what music was I gonna play. I would then shoot back, "Y'know, I just got this groovy record from The Statler Brothers. Why don't I just throw that one on and let's see who boogies". After saying that, the person would looked surprized, sit back down and wait. Yes, I'm a jackhole at this point, but if someone fueled by alcohol is gonna ask you a dumb question, you have every right to shut them down. And when you are a club dj, you are gonna get dummies on vokda and Red Bull showing up. I'm not saying that's you, but they are out there.

By ten p.m., the music gets faster and the crowd gets bigger. By eleven, more music and the dancefloor is packed like a woman in a heels too small for her feet, but she likes 'em anyway. The bar is busy, the folks are having a good time and I'm going into my zone, mixing one tune into another, going from "Promisous" from Nelly Fertado to "Sexyback" by Justin Timberlake to "Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough" by Michael Jackson and then some while friends who saw on My Space that I was back for just one night came down to show some love. All the while, keeping an eye on the crowd to sense their mood and how they were dancing.

Now, the following isn't p.c., but I'm gonna say it anyways because it needs to be said. When it comes to dancing, race and sex is important to a club dj. We'll break it down from first to worst...

Black Men and Women: That's all that needs to be said. When Black women hit the floor, so do Black men. It don't matter how old they are. They have the rythym to get their groove on. Before I continue on, I can say that being Black, so don't start with that Jimmy the Greek crap at me, please. I'm not Gregory Hines, but I can keep up if I wanted. I prefer old school soul, personally.

White Women: Okay, now this is interesting. I've seen White chicks dance with Black men, White men and other White chicks. All of them very freakalisious, as the Fergie song goes. I don't know what it is but it's always White chicks between the age of twenty-one and thirty getting their freak on by any means nessesary after a Jaggerbomb and it's a sight. It's like watching a Britney Spears video with them.

Gay Men: More the Gay White Male than the Gay Black Male. I don't know what it is, but I have seen more Gay white men act like strong Black women on the dance floor than even the strong Black women. Plus, they really love the music. Sometimes, they were my best customers, God bless them.

Straight White Males: To quote Eddie Murphy, what do y'all dance to: the words or the beat? This has to be the saddest thing in the world to watch a straight White guy attempt to dance. Either he's trying to hard or he's just there to make his girlfriend/wife/possible booty call feel good. Truthfully, there were some White guys out there on the floor who tried their darnest to keep up, but they just couldn't, bless their souls. They were out there doing The Monkey and The Twist to 50 Cent. Did you know that the dance that the charater Carlton on "The Fresh Prince of Bell Air" is called The White Boy? Watch the show next time and know there's a reason why they call it "The White Boy" when you see 'em dance. Oh, and don't bring up Travolta. He has money and a teacher.

My night ended around 2:45am when I gave last call and told everyone to home. Folks danced, booze flowed and everyone was happy, telling me I did a good job after not spinning for over a year. That made me feel great and I had a wonderful time, but I was spent focusing all my energy into the mix for nearly six hours. Plus, I had to be at work at the station in three hours that morning and that's where we are now. My feet hurt from standing alot, my head throbs still from 125b.p.m. and I slept on the studio floor after leaving the club for fear of going home to my own bed and getting too comfortable to get up for work. I'm grumpy and I'm forty, I know that. But if you were there at Doubles last night, I'll bet I made you dance your ass off. 'Cause I still got it.

UPDATE If you've never seen Carlton do the dance, here it is in all it's glory. I wasn't trying to be a jerk about it, but believe me. If you just went to a bar or club and just sit back with a Coke and just people watch like I do, you'd see some pretty hilarous stuff and thank your lucky stars that you aren't out there with those crazies.

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Friday, December 08, 2006

No Fair!

I didn't know about this until today, but it turns out that NBC is rrunning the remake of the Rankin-Bass Christmas classic "The Year without A Santa Claus" this Monday. You know the one with the Heat Miser and the Snow Miser? And the whole show was done with stop motion animation? Well this time, it's live action. With Harvey Firestein as the Heat Miser and Michael McKeon as the Snow Miser. This is wrong at least nine ways to Sunday. Don't believe me? Well, here's a clip...


For those of you who remember them properly, here's the original version of The Heat Miser's song...


And here's the original Snow Miser's version.


You wanna know who's on the naughty list? NBC if they screw this up.

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Thursday, December 07, 2006

I'm Gettin' Nuttin For Christmas But Arrested

You've heard the story of the twelve year old South Carolina kid who was busted by the cops after his mom found out that the boy had gone thru his presents to find his gift and snuck it to his room to play with it. Many bloggers have commented that the mom was crazy for snitching to the fuzz like that. Because nobody likes a snitch. However, the kid was already a troublemaker according to his mom and she's done almost everything to get this kid straight. Speaking as someone who's been down that road before, actually did the right thing. When I was twelve, I got busted for shoplifting a week before Christmas and almost went behind bars. When My folks saw me later after the cop gave me the shakedown, I knew my holiday was over and I was getting nothing. But it taught me a huge lesson that crime doesn't pay. So our little pal is lucky. At least she didn't whoop the hell out of him.

Don't worry...I didn't get a whooping, either.

Monday, December 04, 2006

A Man and His Pig


It's sad when you lose a good friend. It's even sadder when that companion is a pet. But, what if it's a pig? The Last Coolest Man In America lost his pal porker Max after fifteen years of folks going, "George Clooney has a pet pig"?
Services will be held Saturday at 11am. A BBQ will be held at noon.
Do you eat a pet chicken after it dies? If you have a farm out there, let me know.

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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Ahhh, Limoncello

I happened to catch Danny DeVito's drunken rant on The View when it happened (not that I watch the show or anything, really. Really...) and thought it was great live television. But I think the best part of the appearance was when he mention that he did seven shots of Limoncello with George Clooney the night before. That alone has given the Italian drink it's biggest exposure yet here in the U.S. .

I fisrt discovered Limoncello watching Mario Batali on Food Network giving a tour of a liqueur plant in Italy making the stuff and I was fasinated, being a fan of lemon slushies, of course. Then one day after being invited to my friends Jeff and Tina's for dinner, I was offered a glass of the drink they had picked up from their visit to Tuscany. After one sip, I was hooked on the stuff. If you've had it before, you know what I'm talking about. However, buying a bottle can be expensive since it's mosty imported. However, leave it to little ol' me to find a recipe on how to make your own, courtesy of What's Cooking America. Yes it's a summer drink, but it also goes great in hot teas during winter.

15 lemons*
2 (750 ml) 100-proof vodka**
4 cups sugar 5 cups water
* Choose thick-skinned lemons because they are easier to zest.
** Use 100-proof vodka, which has less flavor than a lower proof one. Also the high alcohol level will ensure that the limoncello will not turn to ice in the freezer.

Wash the lemons with a vegetable brush and hot water to remove any reside of pesticides or wax; pat the lemons dry.
Carefully zest the lemons with a zester or vegetable peeler so there is no white pith on the peel. NOTE: Use only the outer part of the rind. The pith, the white part underneath the rind, is too bitter and would spoil your limoncello. Check out my web page on How to Zest.

Step One: In a large glass jar (1-gallon jar), add one bottle of vodka; add the lemon zest as it is zested. Cover the jar and let sit at room temperature for at least (10) ten days and up to (40) days in a cool dark place. The longer it rests, the better the taste will be. (There is no need to stir - all you have to do is wait.) As the limoncello sits, the vodka slowly take on the flavor and rich yellow color of the lemon zest.
Step Two: In a large saucepan, combine the sugar and water; cook until thickened, approximately 5 to 7 minutes. Let the syrup cool before adding it to the Limoncello mixture. Add to the Limoncello mixture from Step One. Add the additional bottle of vodka. Allow to rest for another 10 to 40 days.
Step Three: After the rest period, strain and bottle: discarding the lemon zest. Keep in the freezer until ready to serve.

EIGHTY DAYS? Damn. Well if I start now, it'll be near March when it's done. If I keep it in the freezer for at least two months and resist temptation, it's perfect for the summertime. Oh, and don't expect too many recipes for anything from me. This was a once in a while deal, and I've been busy and needed to fill.

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Dusting Off The Turntables

Here's the big event I was talking about Friday, From My Space:

DJ SAM JOHNSON'S RETURN!

When:Dec 10 2006 10:00pm

Where::Doubles in the Holiday Inn Midtown7100 Abercorn

Savannah, GA 31406US View Map

Doubles Nightclub is wrapping up 2006 with the hottest DJs in the Coastal Empire... And Saturday December 9th, Doubles welcomes DJ SAM JOHNSON to the booth!! Those who have partied Downtown in Savannah know Sam Johnson as the ingredient that MADE hot spots such as the Bar Bar and Wet Willies!!
Doubles has just signed the agreement and secured the services of DJ Sam Johnson for SATURDAY, DECEMEMBER 9th!! IT'S OFFICIAL!!!
Great drink specials, plenty of parking and NO COVER!! Doubles Nightclub located at the corner of Abercorn & Eisenhower inside the Holiday Inn!! The HOTTEST Dance Club on the Southside of Savannah!!

Okay, I didn't write the above, but it is true. If you're down this way, stop on if for a bit and shake your bum for awhile. I'll be happy to see ya.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Flame On!



I've been really busy this week with something special I'll tell you about on Sunday. Until I get back, watch the heralded reunion of Richard Simmons and Dave Letterman. Six years in the making for this special moment. I'll leave the jokes to you. Make 'em good...

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