Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Friday, September 29, 2006

In Case You Missed It...

Which I did and couldn't post as I don't have internet service at the house for now...

So, Screech has a threatened us with a sex tape, huh? Well, it's nice to know he's finally gonna get him some and document it for prosperity. Mind you, it could be the only time he ever gets it, so we should be happy for him.

It turns out that Robert Downey, Jr. will play Iron Man on the big screen. Truthfully, this should be pretty cool as Tony Stark was a alcoholic and Downey with his past problems make it good fit. I wish I could find a good joke for that one, but I can't think of one at the moment. Your best punch line gets a mention on Sunday, so work on it people!

New Shows I Love:
Heroes
Studio 60
Shows I'm Still Loving:
My Name Is Earl
The Office
Smallville
Boston Legal ("DENNY CRANE!")
Show I never saw until now and thought to myself what the hell am I doing watching this and as laughing at the end:
Gilmore Girls (I now sadly have a crush on Lauren Graham)

Speaking of shows, looks like folks got all bent out of shape about "Survivor" for nothing now, huh?

And finally in TV news, it looks as though Chevy Chase is making a comeback. Sadly, it's by playing Mel Gibson.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Things That Vex Me Today...

and if you've ever been vexed, then you know how I feel right now.

Soda machines that are never full.

Working for a company that has a DVD drive in one of their computers, but no software for it, denying me my right to see ther newest videos for Weird Al Yankovic.

White folks that think the "N" word is okay to use, even if it's spelled different.

Cell phones that do everything else you don't want it to.

Black folks that think the "N" word is okay to use, even if it's spelled different.

Knowing that I've been up since 4:30 this morning, at work at 5:30 this morning and knowing I won't get home til after 8:30 tonight.

Knowing that Daniel Powter's song "Bad Day" is the worst song of the year, but having to play it anyway on the air.

Oh well, there's always tomorrow...

Friday, September 22, 2006

Wakin' Up In Savannah

You'll have to forgive me if you haven't seen anything new here in the past few days. Once again, I had surgery on my arm again due to a blood clot. See, the bad thing about having a stint in your arm means that you have to very carefull how you use it. I'm not sure if I slept on it or not. Since this is for dialysis, it's become very delicate to me. My arms look like they've gone thru razor wire with all the cuts and scars on them these days. But such is my fate. Besides, it makes me look muy macho and all. Chicks dig it.

Surgery went well once again. I got knocked out well and woke up in a daze, per usual. I alos had a new surgeon take care of problem and kept the cuts very small which was great. However, my problem was having to take the Percodan afterwards. I don't know if you've ever done the stuff, but here's a tip. Take it only when you need it. I took two pills twice a day for only four days and cut myself off after that to ween myself from it. It took me three days afterwards to come down from the high of it. I could barely think straight, I was tired all the time and was feeling like I had gone to Woodstock '69 and had the brown acid. Today is my first real day back to work afterwards and I feel great now, but I wasn't for a week. The short of it all is I'm fully awake and ready to get back to my normal routine. If having to get plugged into a machine three days out of the week and feeling tired the other four days is normal to you.

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Sams Abound!


Well, there it is. My new banner. I didn't do this, as you can tell. If I did, it would still have glue on the sides and would be peeling off the computer, not to mention the mispelling. Nope, this was done by my British namesake , who's been doing a great job on his own site. While you are there, do me a favor and check out the leaderboard. I stand in second place, only to be beaten out by some goofball with a Site that sells NBA jerseys. That's it...SHIRTS. We can't have that now, can we? So, let's go there and bump this thing up a few, shall we? I can't be knocked down by a guy that sells L.A. Clippers Jerseys. Reall.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Shoop-shoop-shoop!

Either the stupidest marrige or the funniest is now over. Whitney and Booby have finally split up. I recently saw a photo of her taken over the weekend and actually, she's gained weight, her eyes were clear and she looked better than she has in years. Amercia, your songbird has finally returned. We can all exhale now and she is officially off my skank list. Shoop.

Monday, September 11, 2006

My 9/11 Story

I was living outside of Savannah in a small town called Hinesville during September 11th. If you're military now or former, you may recognize it as the home of Ft. Stewart Army base. During my stay there, I was the program director for a radio station that only got 25,000 watts and barely got across the 30 mile radius from there to Savannah, but it sounded great when I had it. There was only a staff of three there that day: myself, General Manager John Rodriguez and his wife Yvonne, who handled the office stuff. I was the first through the door that morning to get the sydicated "Bob and Sheri" show on the air at six am. Things were going well on my side until after 8 that mrning. That's when over the air, show host Sheri Lynch mentioned a bulletin that a plane had just hit the World Trade Center. I looked up at the little tv I had in the studio and noticed that cameras where already on the scene, showing the smoke coming from the building. I stood by waiting to hear reports from the site, when I saw saw the second plane hit. A gasp came over the air from the show as it happened and I was in shock. Soon reports came in from a plane crash in a field and then soon after, one hitting the Pentagon. "Bob and Sheri" quickly left the air and suddenly CNN Radio News took over the satellite and began reports on what was going on as the Trade Center was coming down and bodies were coming out of windows to get to safety. I stayed at the board to keep the station under control while the phiones were ringing off the hook in the studio. I briefly went on the air to assure listeners that we would be staying on the story and forgoing music for as long as it mattered to find out what was happening. Being in a military town, I also needed to find out if we were under state of emergency. I called in John and he took over the board while I left to find out any new information at the base and from the town's emergency management agency.

Suddenly, I went from being a jokey disc jockey to a broadcaster. I was determined to find out what has going on and how this would effect us. I took a pocket tape recorder and got repsonses from local folks in the Wal-mart, folks whoes loved ones are in the military and who would now have to go off to war to find the culprits. The fear in their voice and the tears in their ieyes shook me, but I had to hold on to get the story for those who needed to know. I got to the base try and find someone, anyone who could tell me what was happening and what needed to be done. The base immediatly wnet on lockdown, only permitting anyone military and their families. Media was only given limited access, but I got on and talked to as many folks as I could live on the air. I made sure that we would stay on top of this as much and as limited a staff as we were. I And then, after hours of searching out and investigating what I could, it happened.

I had just walked out of the emergency management office and had gotten off the phone with John that I was on my way to the next route when the rain began to fall hard. I quicky climbed into the station van and took a deep breath to relax while it came down in sheets and began to cry. The shock had worn off. The realization that our country was under terrorist attack had sunk. We were no more safe than Pearl Harbor was then. I sobbed uncontrolibly for a moment, but I knew I had to get back out there and keep digging. I dried my eyes as much as I could, cranked the van and headed off to the next story. Along the way, the rain stopped.

I took it upon myself to stay at the station overnight to keep watch in case the situation changed and to keep locals posted live. There wasn't much sleep for the next few days and I kept a promise to the listeners that as soon as we knew, so would they. They got and then some with only three people on watch at a little radio staion.

However, things changed again only a week and a day later as lack of sleep and stress lead me to drive myself in the station van to the local hospital while having a stroke. If 9/11 didn't change everything for me, then this would make sure that my world would never be the same ever again. It has.

Still, there are others out there who have their stories. You'll hear about them online or on televison. Maybe someone you know has their story of what they were feeling that day, whether it was shock or anger or sadness and loss or maybe all of the above. I know those were my emotions that day. But that's my side of it. And I'm still standing. A little sore from time to time, but I'm still up. Kind of like America right now. We're still here and we're still proud. That's what matters now. That we're still proud no matter what.

Sunday, September 10, 2006

What Happens When You Call The Wrong Number( not quite safe for work)

this is an audio post - click to play

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Deep Thoughts

So I'm filling in for the night guy at WIXV tonight, but I had dialysis today so I wasn't really able to prep for a show I like I usually do. So I came up with a quick Question of the Night to get folks tuned in: If you had a chance to have dinner with three dead people, famous or not, no zombies, who would it be? It's a typical party breaker, but it still works and I really don't don't think the listeners would ever think about something like that (yes, it's contempt, but I'm worn out alright?). What surprized me was the calls that I got on it and it was alot of them. So niw I'm asking you who would you pick? Me, I'd have Groucho Marx, John Lennon and my mom, just so she could see I turned out to be a good cook. Of course, she'll say what are all these white guys doing here, but she'll understand. Anyways, mull it over and get back to me on it.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Good Cloning And You

Well, after months of speculation on whether they did or didn't do it, here's the outcome. I mean we could say that Suri was cloned with with something Thetan or whatever. Or she could be the work of Lucasfilm. But really, this kids just don't look right. I've seen kids with full heads of hair before, but nothing like looks like it canme from Bosely Medical. It's like they snatched the hair from Sy Sperling. This is not a baby...This is a fifty five year old insurance agent after a Boilermaker.

Tommy, you got some 'splainin' to do.

UPDATE This just in. My freind Vic Thomas from Magic 103.9 in Savannah says it's really Herve Villichez. He said I could use that if I gave him a plug that he's on seven to midnight weekdays. He wins!

Monday, September 04, 2006

An Open Letter To Dane Cook



I wrote this a few days ago to all my My Space freinds and I wanted share share it with you guys. See if you don't agree...

Dear Dane,

As you may have noticed, or the guy workig your My Space page has noticed, you are on my Friends list. You were one of the very first people I put on the list. I noticed that you have alot of friends yourself and good for you. However, I'm getting cluttered with adding folks I really don't know or who really don't repond personally, so I'm cleaning house soon. You, Dane Cook, shall be the first.

See, I saw "Tourgasm". It was the first time I've actually seen you do your stand up act and I wasn't impressed. It maybe because it just showed brief clips of your performance. Maybe it was because you acted like a puss when you lost in the go cart race. I dunno, but I felt underwelmed. I felt used and dirty.

But now I see that this Tuesday, you have a new special on HBO called "The Vicious Circle" where you do your act in the round. Now me, I love stand up. Pryor, Carlin, Williams, Kinnison...Only the best. And they've had specials on HBO. So, I have high hopes for you, Dane. I want you to succeed. A nearly two hour comedy concert is a huge undertaking for televison. That's why I want you to kick me in the side of my ass with stand up. Hard, with steel toed boots. Make me laugh, Dane.

If not, then I'm gonna drop you like a tranny whore off of a Holday Inn rooftop. Then, your pay for my cable for three months for having me sit through it. Get to editing. You have less than 72 hours.


Thanks for your time,
Sam Johnson
AKA
The Dreamcrusher

Crikey!



I could make so many jokes abot Steve Irwin's death, but I know a few Australians that come here. Death is not a joke. But come on...A STINGRAY? I thought he's go down fighting a giant croc like in that movie "Lake Placid" after jabbing a thumb up its bum. I've never heard of a death by a stingray, but I guess that's why they call 'em stingrays. At least Irwin went out doing what he loved: fighting animals. Good goin' mate.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Survival Of The Fittest

The funniest thing I read all week came from Entertainment Weekly's What to Watch columm when reading its description for the return of Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam: "Laugh with the black folks now, y'all. Because once the Survivor race war is over, ain't no tellin'." First thing, I knew that was a black woman who wrote that because she knew what could happen and how it could get nasty. The second thing is why is everyone freaking out?

Face it, Mark Burnett knew what he was doing, calling this a "social experiment". Ratings have been soft for the show after being on for so long, he held back just long enough to pull this rabbit out of his hat. And of course, everyone fell for the trick. Black leaders in New York City are calling for a protest for the show and one advertiser, General Motors has dropped out of the show, although they say it was for strategic purposes only. Still the controversy has given the show a much needed "must see" boost, the kind it hasn't seen since it's heyday. Each show, intil the four races (white, black, asian, and hispanic) merge, have loads of water cooler talk to keep folks busy for days, which will be wonderful for CBS and the producers. They have us where they want us and that's all that matters to them. So, do I think this will put race relations back thirty, forty years? Nope, it's just a dumb ol' show to me. I'll check it out live everyone to see what the hype is, but only for so long. "Earl" and "The Office" are on the same time.

One more thing...How come I ain't seein' white folks protesting their treatment in all this? Or the asians and hispanics? Where were all the blacks when UPN was running "Homeboyz In Outer Space"? We gotta get our priorities together here, people.

"Will The Real Jerry Lewis Please Sit Down? or "The Importance of Being Ernesto" (For Swan Shadow, although it has nothing to do with the post)

Well, it's the big day. Today, Jerry sneaks into your homes through your televisions and leaves pakages of joy and asks for your help with "his kids". I've stopped calling the first weekend in September Labor Day Weekend and just starting calling it Jerry Lewis Weekend. It's as old as I am, syndication wise and it's all I ever remember the weekend for. They may have a jones for the guy in France, but you have to give up for the guy and not just for the comedy. He's done alot raising funds for Muscular Dystropy and as controversial as some folks may think, he gets the job done getting folks to give one dollar more every year. So, I know I'll watch as much as I can this year and give a little something. If I could have a fundraiser like that to get folks to learn more about transplants, I'd do it just like him.

So in honor of Jer, I've got a couple of clips to show off. First up is a clip from the Colgate Comedy Hour. Many of you have seen Lewis perfom "The Typewriter" various times in various places, including "Who's Minding The Store"? Here it is perfomred on a actual typewriter. It's actually funnier that most of versions that I see, since Jerry uses a lot of physical humor here.



The other clip is kind of a rarity. It's an older Jerry rehearsing with the song "There's No Business Like Show Business" with one of the few later comics that can keep up with Lewis, Martin Short for Short's short lived talk show (say that ten times fast) It's cut off at the end, but it is great to see Martin and Lewis together again for the first time, if that makes sense.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Too Tired to Think Of A Title

It was quite a week at Casa de Sammy. Threat of Hurricane Ernesto, then Tropical Storm Ernesto, then Working on a pack of Pop Rocks to get the energy back Ernesto loomed around Savannah, but the most trouble we got a good rain, which we needed. I also have a major bug problem that needs to end soon, but that's neither here nor there now. It's just been a week and I got a few things to dish out.

If you'll remember a few days ago, we talked about being a Sam. Well, here's another bad thing. I got an email Thursday that went like this...

Hey Sam, whats up? Just wanted to let you know I will be in Corvallis starting on Thursday this week and will be there until Sunday. We play OSU on Friday night at 8 then Cal St on Sunday at 2. Was wondering if you wanted to go out or something. Let me know.

Jon


Wow, that was nice of him to ask me and all, but I had to answer him back truthfully...


Hey Jon,

That's great and all, But I don't live anywhere near Corvalis. Also, I think you have the wrong Sam. But thanks for the offer of the date, as I'm a pretty cheap GUY.

Take Care,
Sam Johnson


I could have gone out with him since he's the Assistant Athletic Trainer for Women's Soccer and Baseball. Hey, I would gotten to meet some nice ladies. Sure, he would have been a tool and all...

In other news, the MTV VMA's were last night. First thing's first, the award doesn't mean as much as it did when it began twenty years ago. The clips aren't even special anymore, but you are reading the writing of a forty year old man. When I watched MTV regularly, you had clips like "Sledgehammer" winning Video of the Year. Now, it's just a band on a stage. If I wanted that, I'd pay money to go to a concert to see 'em and after what I saw last night, I really don't think I wanna go. Can somebody please explain to me Emo and Screamo? I know I'm in radio, but I think after last night, I'm done with MTV and its shows. Now get off my lawn, Panic! At The Disco!

Okay, just one more thing before we go...
It's the annual Jerry Lewis weekend, ending on Monday at 6pm e.s.t. (time varies across the country, so consult your local listings), so whatever you do, don't drink and drive and watch out for the kids.