Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Holy Degeneres, Batwoman! (I complain about camp tltles like this when it comes to comics, but I couldn't think of a good one. Sorry.)

Now that DC Comics has "Infinite Crisis" out of the way, they now have a new crisis to deal with. The New York Daily News has published a story about the new Batwoman being a lesbian. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If anything, fanboys around the comics world are already saying that the character is just one more woman that will never go out with them.

Thank you. I'm here all week. Enjoy the shrimp special, everyone!

UPDATE: I just made Slate's roundup of daily blogger chatter with this joke. BWAAAH HAAAA HAAA! World domination has finally begun!

Sorry. Just stroking the id. Thanks, Slate.

Monday, May 29, 2006

My Birthday Plans

I have made a decision for what to do on my fortieth birthday and I think this maybe a good idea...

Step one: Eat.
Step two: Get drunk.
Step three: Profit.

Okay, so first I'd like a good steak. Now that would mean going out to the Southside of Savannah to go off to Logan's for a New York Strip. I don't do chain restarants anymore, but I think that Logan's has some of the best cuts of beef in the world. One hell of alot better than Outback, in my opinion.

Next, I would like to drink. Now as you know, I don't really drink anymore due to my kidney ailment. But, the doctors do say I can have at least one drink. And, not having had a drink in over a year means I'm gonna get loopy after just one shot of scotch whiskey. Which should be fun and make me cute to women. Besides, I've already told my best friend Jeff McDermott this and the fact that he's driving me that day. "Where the hell is the fun in that!?, " he said. So, it looks like we'll need a third for this.

Third, I want DVD's for my birthday and tv show boxsets. I doubt I'll get anything for my birthday, but anyone who gets me a good tv show boxset will be in my good graces until the cows come home.

I know that none of this will probably happen, but I'm making my birthday wishes now. After all, if I can aask for the new kidney, I guess I can ask for this. If none of this comes about, I'll take this, as the whole magilla seems like a longshot...


Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Sunday, May 28, 2006

They're Spoiling Radio For Me...

I love the gig I started when I was sixteen, but I swear we ain't smart. First, we start in the good ol' U.S. Of A...

Restaurant Says DJs Stiffed Them
INDIANAPOLIS -- Two Indianapolis radio DJs have created controversy over a $42 restaurant tab in which they left the waiter holding the check, but the station insists it was just a stunt. An unpaid bill at the Red Eye Café left several people seeing red. The Red Eye staff said 93.1 Radio Now morning radio DJs Marco and Mikey stiffed them on a tab of $42.08.
Police said Marco ordered a meal for everyone, but when the server came back to collect the check, they were gone.


I swear...They're gonna ruin it for me next time I go to Burger King. I shoulda stuck to doin' TV.

A Reason For Me To Get Out Of Radio

From Ananova...

Radio DJ sacked for sexy outfits
A female radio presenter has been sacked - for dressing too sexily on air.
The 25-year-old DJ, known as Lady Ray, is now taking Radio Bremen to an industrial tribunal.
She said: "My boss told me that my skirts were too short and my tops too low.
"But I don't understand it, it's not as if any of the listeners can see me and my breasts don't speak into the microphone."
She is claiming damages for unfair dismissal.


See, now this is ridiculous. I don't know about the rest of the DJ's out there, but they're lucky around there I even put on a pair of pants when I walk into the studio these days.

Friday, May 26, 2006

An Ode To Danza

To the great Tony Danza, thank you for making my day
making things oh so brighter in every way.
With you great guests and cooking tips
and making me laugh everytime you fell and slip.
I watched with great joy and had a smile on my labanza
when I saw you give away cash on "Extrava-Danza".
Your songs and dance were so much fun,
your cool Italian style was perfect for everyone.
You did a great show and that's no baloney,
in fact, it's like the sixth show where you were called Tony.
So thank you for showing us who was the boss,
it's time to go off in that taxi and get lost.

If I had cable, I wouldn't have to write stuff Like this. I want cable for my birthday.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Blue Eyed Soul Patrol

This is the one post that I dreaded writing, simply because I'm not really a fan of American Idol. However, last night suprised me. Considering I was flipping to that and the season finale of "Lost", which I some how got into watching in only two months. As usual, I digress. Whenever a cheesy song was on and that was almost all night, I quickly turned back from Fox to ABC. I did stay however for two great moments on the show: watching Prince perform ALONE (Idols? Prince don' need no steekin' idols!) and seeing Taylor Hayes win. It was cool to see Hicks win it, has I thought he was the least likely guy to walk away with it from looks alone. I saw a few of the shows over the months and thought the guy was okay, but never to win it. The way I see it however is that in the long run, with all the votes the guy got, I doubt he has a top 40 radio career. I do however think the guy has a soudful enough voice to do well on Classic Rock stations and cd's for adults 30 and older. I do wish the guy good luck and hope he does well.

All that being said, the whole show smelled like Wisconson during cheese harvest time. Dionne Warwick? Meatloaf? Meatloaf can't sing the songs Meatloaf used to sign these days. And who let the time poral open for Past Clay and Future Clay to come together? Doesn't that disrupt something Einstein talked about? What about Future Clay and his new look? The boy looked like a Brokeback Beatle. Like I said, I watched the show long enough for the good parts and flipped for the rest. There was one little thing I did miss however that I did find online, thanks to Defamer...Michael Knight crying like they just blew up K.I.T.T. whe they announced the winner. Did somebody tell him that he's gotta judge his own cheesewheel talent show, "America's Got Talent" next month. Cry like that on the show and Regis will pop the hell outta you for that.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Lordy, Lordy. Look Who'll Be Forty

Back in the sixties, Mick Jagger said that he's never trust anyone over thirty. Then, he turned forty and stop trusting himself. I'm getting ready to go down that road in three weeks and I have been worried that I'm gonna do something sneaky to me.

I don't know about the rest of you, but forty is something that I've dreaded since I was a kid. Whenever I heard that someone turned forty, it meant that their life was over with.No more excitement, no more fun, no more enjoying things. Just nothing but bitching and complaining and telling kids to get off their lawn. But, I hear that forty is now the new thirty. I don't want to go back to my thirties. When I was thirty, I was in a bad marrige and working sucky hours. Why can forty be like the new single digits? No bills, no responsibilties and cartoons all day? That would be easier.

Plus, my birthday falls on a Wednesday. The middle of the week. HUMP DAY. Who has a birthday on a Wednesday? Everyone's too busy to do something that day. I won't be able to go out and have fun that day because at ten p.m., everyone's gotta go home and go to bed so they can get up for work in the morning. No real throw down parties, no drunken masses, no nothing. Plus, since I can't drink, I'm gonna be a monkey on a rock. This sucks.

I want to enjoy this forty. I mean, the fact that I'll have made it this far should be worth a blowout, don't you think? I should have a party to end all parties. One to make the neighbors say that their gonna call the cops because they weren't invited and it's too loud. I haave the feeling that it's gonna be just me and a cupcake. That's it. Maybe if I'm lucky, I'll be able to scrape up some bucks to go out and get a cheap steak from Golden Corral.

This is really gonna be the most anti-climatic fortieth birhtday ever. I just know it.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Motivation For The Week

Make your own motivation poster here.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Who's Your Daddykin?

In 1978, I had a very small record collection, but I was very proud of it. It was only a few Power Records that had Superheroes, but the two I cherished the most were Al Hirt's "The Horn and The Hornet", which was passed down to me by my dad and featured the trumpet player doing theme song from various late '60's shows, including his own from "The Green Hornet". The other was the very first album I ever bought myself, "Sunday Morning With The Comics", which featured theme songs from comic book related shows. I treasured those albums and played them over and over. Then one day when I went to the living room stereo to play them after I didn't listen after a few weeks, I noticed they were gone. Someone had taken all my records and they them away. I cried for days after that and realized that one of my older sisters had done away with my things. The same thing happened two years before, when someone threw away my Archie lunchbox with my marbles and baseball cards. I figured out with sister it was now, by the way. Quite honestly, we don't speak and haven't since 1984. Yes, I hold a grudge like a fat kid with an ice creme cone. Don't fault me.

Fast forward now to last week, where I found out about a cool new musicblog called Mondo Daddykin that features great bubblegum pop and cool soundtracks from the sixties to the seventies. So, as a challenge, I asked him to to please, if could ever find them, the two most important pieces of my youth. Lo and behold, he had them both and posted them with downloadable links within two days. I nearly cried when I saw them. I was floored he even had "Sunday Morning".

I hit forty years old in June. As of this moment, life has been hell for me and things have not been good. Today, I've never been happier now that I have something to remember the good times. Maybe the guy has something you like. Check him out.

You hear that, David?

Friday, May 19, 2006

Fox On The Run

Here's the link for Fox's Fall schedule, including "Duets", Simon Cowell's new show featuring C-and D-list celebs who'll sing with other folks for their moment in the spotlight. I'd just love to see who they'll get for this show. Flavor Flav? Judy Tenuta? Michael Jackson? He could use a good shot right now.

Also, here's the link to The CW's new site. I can't wait to see how the shows fare on the new network, including the pairing of "Gilmore Girls " and "Veronica Mars". However, having The Black Eyed Peas singing the praises of the CW leaves me cold. "My Humps" and the group screwing around with Sergio Mendez songs have mede them dead to me.

Just a couple of other things...I hope Brent doesn't mind me doing the TV reviews . I know that's his thing, but I've been on a dry spell as of late and I'd been trying to get caught up with the outside world as of late as things are topsy turvy here. I'll give everyone my opinion of the full new Fall schedule later this evening, I hope.

Finally, Dave Hewitt asked me via email if the dreaded "Wife Swap" was coming back this Fall. Dave, personally I hate the show and as you may have read here, I don't like mmany of the reality shows that run. But, it will be back this fall, paired with "The Bachelor" on Mondays. I know that there's more than "Wife Swap" on at eight, but that's just me. I hope that helps, Dave.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

CW's Post

Good News, Pandora. "Smallville" is back for a sixth season. So are all the good shows from both The WB and UPN together for the new CW Network. Here's the breakdown...

Monday 8:00 7th Heaven
9:00 Runaway

Tuesday 8:00 Gilmore Girls
9:00 Veronica Mars

Wednesday 8:00 America's Next Top Model
9:00 One Tree Hill

Thursday 8:00 Smallville
9:00Supernatural

Friday 8:00 WWE Friday Night Smackdown

Sunday 7:00 Everybody Hates Chris
7:30 All of Us
8:00 Girlfriends
8:30 The Game
9:00 repeats

Check out the full story here.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Must See TV, 2006-2007

I've just seen a clip for what could be the bestr new show this fall, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip". It was created by Aaron Sorkin, who's done great work with "The West Wing" and "Sports Night". Honestly, I've never seen the latter, and I've only had chances to see the former, on occasion. But, what I did see was good stuff. After watching this six minute preview, which was shown during NBC's fall upfronts for affiliates on Monday, I have a feeling that this show, which follows the inner workings of a late night comedy show, could be a breakout for the network, which has scheduled it for Thursday nights at nine after "My Name Is Earl" and "The Office" and before "E.R.", which makes this comedy/drama a good fit. The trick is though that NBC has also scheduled Tina Fey's new show "30 Rock" which is simular for Wednesday nights. Mind you that both shows are alike and aand give a sort of bird's eye view to "Saturday Night Live", which may tell you what the newtork feels about the long running program. However, what I saw from "Studio 60 was very impressive and I can't wait to see the full product. If the dialog is as good as what I saw, I can't wait for the full season. Look for yourself here.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

"Denny Crane!"

From tonight's season finale of "Boston Legal":

Allen: Here's to the fall.

Denny: Same night?

Allen: God, I hope so.

You're safe, Allen. Thank goodness. Here's ABC's Fall schedule. Oh, and howzabout "Scrubs" tonight? Three pregnacies? Midseason's gonna be a busy time for those guys.

Monday, May 15, 2006

"How You Doin'?"

"Not so good now since I got cancelled. I mean, I can still act and all though, right? I can do that sequel to 'Ed' now if they want me to. Howzabout some catsup? I can sell that if they want me too like I did in the eighties. Hey kids! Who wants some catsup?

"Sigh. Why did I sell my soul to Satan like that? I just wanted fame, that's all. I just fooled everybody. Most of all, I fooled myself that I could do a show on my own. Stupid, stupid, STUPID!"

Thus ends the nightmare named "Joey". Bring on the new shows!

Sunday, May 14, 2006

"Wouldn't It Be Good"

I hope you've had a great Mother's Day. Me? I've lot a lot of crap on my mind right now and getting ready to make some life changing decisions as we speak. Something I'm not really happy about. I just can't talk about it here at the moment, but let's just say that I need to make some changes. WHile I go though that here's a tune that sums it all up. From 1983, here's Nik Kershaw withthe classic "Would't It Be Good". Hope you like it and I hope you understand.

Friday, May 12, 2006

"Thank you, Mask Man."

Sorry for not posting after the poll. It's really been a long week and I wanted folks to check out the results, as I thought this was some good comments I wrote. Hey, once in awhile, I need my ego stroked and after the week I've had, I need good vibes going. Which is why I do this blog. If I can get at least one person having a laugh and I find out about it, it makes me feel alot better about life. Everybody needs a good laugh, right? So, I thought I'd pass this video along I found. I don't know if any of you older than twenty-five remember the show "Night Flight" on the USA Network before it became the home to "Monk" (what a great show that is) , but it ran great clips and shorts on Friday and Saturday nights. Very short attention span stuff. But, some great stuff ran on the show, including "Dynamen" (coming soon!), "J-Men Forever" and the following. It's an animated short from Lenny Bruce called "Thank You, Mask Man", which tells why The Lone Ranger never stuck around after saving the day. Just to let you know, it does have the bad words, if you know of Bruce's work, and very politically incorrect, so keep the kids out of the room for this one. Still, I'm showing this the way "Night Flight" did, unedited and no apologies. Still, I hope you get a good laugh out of this as I did over twenty years ago, sitting in front of the tube at three in the morning.

REMEMBER, THIS HAS DIRTY WORDS AND TWISTED STUFF! VIEWER DISRESSION IS ADVISED!



And speaking of inncorrectness, next week I'm gonna talk about "Amos & Andy". I'm just warning you sensitive folks now before you freak out that I've been hacked. It's all good. Believe me.

Monday, May 08, 2006

The Most Unsexiest Woman Results...FINALLY!

Thanks you all for your votes for this poll. To remind everyone, this was done as a responce to the Phoenix's Most Unsexiest Men List, which was done with the editors doing the choosing. I decided however to put the choice in your hands and let everyone know, which you did. In picking on who would be included, some of the names in the poll were thrown in as ringers, knowing that they wouldn't get picked. The ones that were, however are here for one reason and one reason alone. There ain't one sexy bone in their body. No matter what. So, here's how it went down...

No Votes (0%)
Mary Hart
Kathie Lee Gifford

Lisa Rinna
Jenny McCarthy
Fergie (Black Eyed Peas)
Pink
Arianna Huffington
Julie Chen
Charlize Theron
Dolly Parton
Goldie Hawn

Kirstie Alley
Nichole Ritchie
Lindsey Lohan
Mariah Carey
Reese Witherspoon
Brigit Nielsson
Nicholette Larson
Clhoe Svengy
Sharon Stone
Madonna

Vanna White
Ashlee Simpson
Carmen Electra
Fiona Apple
Avril Lagvine

Fantasia Barrino
Hillary Duff
Haley Duff
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
Pam Anderson
Kate Moss
Naomi Campbell
Brittany Murphy
Christina Aguilara


Wow. Out of the thirty-five women listed, I had a few of them that I really thought would be pegged unsexy by you guys. I really don't see the fasination with Kate Moss, Christina should have been off the charts with this thing, and I know everybody's seen VH1 as of late with Brigit chasing Flavor Flav around and have said to themselves, "My God, was that the same woman who was in 'Cobra' with Stallone?" It's okay though, as the women who did get the vote do wave the unxexy flag well.

You know what? At this point here, let's just call a skank a skank. Here's the ones that did get the vote.

Tied-1 %(1 votes)


LIL' KIM

Back in the day, she was pretty hot, then all all of a sudden she decided that plastic surgery would make her beauty better. What it did was give her look like a Bratz doll and those things are ugly as hell. She looks like one of those girls in those porn/anime mash ups. Plus, you are Black. Do you really need collegen? I really don't wanna see what she looks like when she gets outta prison.

MACY GRAY

Big afro, squeaky voice. Not a good match.

WHITNEY HOUSTON

What the hell happened here? I mean, this was one of the most talented, glamourous women around and look at her now. This is what I call a damn shame. Why can't somebody just grab her by the weave and shake some sense in her head that she can go on with out Bobby Brown? Please. Someone kick her in her dookie butt and wake her up and wake us up from this walking nightmare.

BRITNEY SPEARS

Who says you can't go from the trailer park to fame back to the trailer park again?

"NEW YORK" from Flavor Of Love

I would have included the entire female cast of the show, but this one stuck out like a sore on a prom queen. When the cameras followed her home so Flav could meet her parents, you could see the look on her mom that said, "Please take this child. We know she's crazy and we're tired as hell." And no...not even with a paper bag over her head would I.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

Now, this was one of the ringers I threw in, so I was shocked to see her name here. Mind you, she's up there now, so I can see how some of you don't think of her as sexy. But, go back to the fifties to mid sixties up till "Cleopatra". This lady was bad ass then. After that, you can do what you wanna.

STAR JONES-REYNOLDS

How dare you vote for her on this list? Here's a woman who worked hard to get where she is today.

Alright, I'm lying my ass off. I can't stand the woman. At first, I thought she was pretty cool, but then the diva started oozing out of her fat glands and she just started to get on my last nerves. Speaking of which, how did she lose all that weight? You know she had surgery, but she'll never tell, unless she get's a nice advance from a book company. I can't wait for Rosie to get on "The View" so she and Joy and go all "Yo Mama" on her.

Not that I watch the show, mind you.

Tied-3% (2 votes)

SARAH JESSICA PARKER

I grew up with SJP, "Square Pegs"and all. She reminded me so much of the girl next door. She even married Ferris Bueller. But then came "Sex In The City" and ruined everything. It's what happens when a good girl goes skank.

TARA REID

This is not Tara in real life. This is Tara ACTING. In real life, she is as dumb as a bag of water. This was the only shot that I could find that didn't have her boobs popping out.

She's so dumb, she reads Braile out loud.

JUDY TENUTA

Okay, so she plays a bad accordian and calls men "pigs" in her stand up act. Does she belong here on this list?

Yes, because I put her there.

LIZA (with a Z) MINELLI

C'mon, this one here was a gimmie. Ray Charles could have picked this one out in the dark. At least Star could take a lesson from Liza on how to marry a gay man.

OOOH, SNAP!

Tied-6% (4 votes)

KELLY OSBOURNE

This is not a pretty child. She will not grow up any better. It's like Ozzy took the genes from the bird's head he bit off, mixed it with his and genetically grew her in a beaker 'cause he was out of test tubes. She could have been a Black Sabbath tune, she's that hard looking.

CONDOLEEZA RICE

If Amerosa got more power, this is what she would turn out to be. She's got a gap in her mouth so big, you could have park three trucks and a Prius there. There hasn't been a beautiful woman in politics since Jackie O. C'mon, Washington. You can do better than this.

Tied-10%(6 votes)

Courtney Love

Anything I say I say here cannot be topped by what was said about her at Pam Anderson's Roast on Comedy Central, which busted on her as much as the roastie. "How is it possible that Kurt Cobain looks better now than Courtney Love?" was one. Sarah Silverman (who will never be on this type of list) said on the show, "I was curious to see which Courtney Love was going to show up: the smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore or the violent smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore." I think the latter is in this photo.

PARIS HILTON

I, for one have been in a Hilton over the years, as I know alot of you have. I know that worry about sleeping in a Hilton because so many have and could get bitten by bugs and what not. I'm certain that they clean up a Hilton all the time to make it look better, but it's always they same thing. No matter what you do with it, it still comes out trashy.

Take that one as you will, please.

ANN COULTER

Writer, commentator, pundit, SKANK. You've heard about those two cute California teens who sing about their love of the Nazis? Well, here's one of them grown up. It's not just her looks that put her on this list, it's just plain her. I could really say something bad about her, but I don't believe in violence against women. Hard, slooow, "Hostel" style violence.

And finally, we have a clear cut winner who walked away with the prize Most Unsexiest Woman...

28 %(17 votes)

TORI SPELLING

I think one of the reasons she got as far as she did on the list was due to her show "So NoTORIous" on VH1. I honestly haven't seen the show, nor do I care to. I never watched her on "90210" or her bad tv movies, either. But she's famous due to her father needing extra income to pay for Tori's shopping habits by putting her to work. So, thank you Aaron Spelling for giving us, America and the world, The Most Unsexiest Woman. I'm not certain if this list will be a suitable weeding present for her and her soon to be divorced new husband, but I hope that she takes it well and doesn't exchange this for a Salad Shooter. As for the rest of you ladies here on the list, as we say here in the South, "Bless your souls". Let's hope you don't wind up on a list like this from a larger website and recieve worst damage from better writers.

Labels: , ,

No Hanging Chads Here

I'm worrking on the resltus of the poll as we speak, so they should be up by 7pm, e.s.t.. We do have a clear winner and a few ties along the way and when you see who won, you may be very surprised, but right now...

Hey.
Wait. what's that music? Whoa...I can't beleive Mark Evanier found this guy!
Ladies and gentlemen, GENE GENE THE DANCING MACHINE!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Vote Now!

Today is your final chance to v0te for the Most Unsexiest Female. If you haven't done so yet, you may wanna do it to it, as Monday we announce the winners, so to speak. I won't give names, but I can say that there's a clear leader and that person has surprised the heck out of me by by taking first. Still, you can vote as often as you want, but do it today. Because Monday, somebody's gonna be unsexy.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Hey Kids! Free Comics!

I'm home after staying over 24 hours at the hospital and the surgery is done, thank goodness. And, I'm home just in time to remind you all about Free Comic Book Day on Saturday. It's happening in virtually every comic book store around the world and if the store near you isn't participating, then they suck as a store. It's agreat opportunity to find out what's going on the world of comics, but I have to be honest about this. Most of the books on this year's list look terrible. Although there'll be loads of publishers involved this year, stick with these books if you want to play it safe for you and your kids...
Archie Comics 65th Anniversary Bash-
Archie Comic Publications
Free Comic Book Day Bongo Comics Free- For -All!-
Bongo Comics Group
Justice League Unlimited # 1-
DC Comics
GI Joe Sigma 6 #1-
Devil's Due Publishing
Disney Comics Presents: Donald Duck-
Gemstone Publishing/Disney Comics
The Transformers/Beast Wars Special-
IDW Publishing
X-Men/Runaways-
Marvel Comics
If you want to take the risk on the others and you have kids, be carefull as some of the other books aren't suitable for younger kids. Also, TwoMorrows publishing, which puts out various magazines about comics, will send you one in tha mail free, but you must go to their website and order on Saturday only. So, stop by your nearest store and celebrate the fun.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

"Let me hear you say it. Just once."

I just got word that I'll be going into the hospital around 5:30 a.m., which means I need to get some sleep early tonight. So, I won't return here until late Thursday/Friday. Keep on voting for the Most Unsexiest Woman though, as the poll ends on Sunday evening. I do know that it's neck and neck with a couple of the names and we need a clear winner here. However, there was one good thing that's come out of the day with all the craziness going on. The full trailer for "Superman Returns" has finally been released online. Keven Spacey is a very scary Lex Luthor. As for Brandon Routh, he may make you forget all about ol' whatshisname on "Smallville" as we have a Superman for the 21st century. The flying alone sold it for me. I'll be the one in the mid section of the theater, making swooping noises with a Justice League action figure.

See you when I get back.

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Monday, May 01, 2006

Frankenstein Johnson, Esq.

This Wednesday ends what I hope will be a long journey I've been having for almost two months as I head back into the hospital for surgery and I for one will be happy as Dick Cheney with a shotgun and some targets. It's been a long, tough trip, but I hope that this will be the final time I'll have to go to St. Joseph's for anything unless it's to get their children's asprin. Oh, how I love the orange flavor.

The reason that I've been having all of this surgery (five times as of last count) is a graft that I recieved for dialysis in the beginnng of April to replace the catheter that has been in my chest since October. The graft was made of Gor-Tex and inserted into my right arm, which would have made it easier to draw blood from me. It would also be usable only a week after the surgery. Catheters are usually made for older or more infirm folks whoes limbs aren't working well, and my arms and legs seem to be doing fine. Plus, after six months, it's best to get rid of the catheter as it causes infections. Which is why I went in for the graft and had the catheter removed a week later. However, the graft began to clot after a week, which meant that I wouldn't be able to have dialysis. So the next day, I was admitted back to the hospital and had another catheter inserted after having the original taken out only days before and set up for surgery again a week later. By the last time I went back to St. Joe's, the nurses in Day Surgery knew me by name and the medicines I was taking. They knew how much gas it would take to knock me out in the O.R. By the way, let me tell you that if they have to knock you out, try to at least go out with one last statement before you go. I think it always lightens the mood of the room, plus you never know if it could be the very last thing you may ever say. They do have accidents in the O.R., you know. The last thing I remember saying when they put the mask on me and told me to breath deep was something to the effect of, "I really friggin' hate the French". I really couldn't think of anything else thanks to the anesthesia, but I think I did pretty well before I went down. Fortunatly, it wasn't the last thing I said, but the graft wound up clotting just after surgery again, which means I have one more time to get it right. Of you can think of something cool, let me know and I'll use it.

The only good thing of it is the drugs afterwards, as I was prescribed oxycodone for the pain each time. You know, the stuff that Rush Limbaugh got busted for. I know now why he was taking them so much now, as it kills anything that makes you feel bad. Had surgery? Take a pill. Got back pain? Take a pill. The President's ratings at a new low? Take a pill. It'll end all the pain you got and make you forget about anything. Trust me, it works. With all that though, I still have to go under the knife and I just hope it's the last time in a long time before I ever see a surgeon until I get my kidney transplant. Actually, I kinda hope that I get that kidney soon so I get it over with and have a life again. I'll be forty on June 14th and going into the next part of my life. I just don't want to go into it having to be plugged into a machine for the rest of it. So, let's hope that this time around when I'm being gassed, my last words are, "Get it right this time, boys" and the new graft works.

Wish me luck, please.