Sam-a-rama!: 03/01/2006

"Bill Brasky is the father of every kid in this town!"

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"He did all the makeup on the Planet Of The Apes movie."

"He once inhaled a seagull."

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky went hunting? Brasky decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machete. They all begged for their lives... except Fleagle."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Brasky said it would've happened sometime."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Brasky takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half — and sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Brasky yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found 'em!'"
"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

TO BILL BRASKY! HE WAS A SONUVABITCH!

I just put that up here to cheer myself up. I hope I put a smile on your face, too. Remember, when life gets you down, be

I think I may have found the one film that could rival the sheer force of SoaP...

"BALLS OF FURY".

Say that with me, now...

"BALLS OF FURY".

So, since the other guys have Sam Jackson punching pythons, who does "BoF" have to sling spheres around?

He plays "Fang" in the film. I can't wait. Lordy...I think my head will explode now. Remember, I waasn't the first to talk about it, but just remember, but I got the jump on all the talk before the other guys. And, I'm not getting paid one dime.

I'm just gonna talk about this now, because I'm hyped up about it.

Next week, I'm going in the studio to tape the very first Sam-a-rama podcast along with good friend Sam Diamond ( I thought the "Sam-a-rama" name would be perfect for it). It'll be a pilot show, as we'll be figuring out what works and what doesn't by, hopefully, the next show. But I can say it will be comedy-talk. Plus, I think I want to take letters from folks. So, here's what you do. Send me an email. Ask anything and we'll try and answer it the best we can. Your letter could be heard on the very first podcast. Just drop a line to Samjohnson@gmail.com before April 3rd. The podcast will be up and online the week after. So, send those letters in, kids!

I'm playing catch up with some of the blogs and sites posted to your left. I honestly haven't been to a few of them as of late, but still support them nonetheless, although there is a couple there that hasn't updated in a dog's age. Still it's good to see them atill up and running. If you get a chance, stop by and see them in their glory and tell 'em I snet you along. I know they'll be happy to see you. Oh, and leave 'em a comment or two. They'll like that.

Oh, and before I go...I know I must have mentioned this waaaay back, but Billy Ingram at TV Party has a wonderful piece on the history of Amos and Andy. Now, why do I mention this again when I may have talked abou it before? Becuase it's an interesting story and A&A was a wonderful show that's no worse that what UPN runs these days. It's also interesting to note that there's now an off Broadway play that celebrates the radio and television show. I hope that one day we can get the stigma off and enjoy it for what it was. A very funny show.

Did anyone catch Primetime Live on ABC Thursday night with their expose' on what would folks do about racists cabbies? Especially when they got to the fair and lovely city where I live, Savannah, Georgia? Even when they got to the one assmunch who wanted to go hunting Hispanics and hated those dreaded n******? Good reporting from John Quinones. I thought it was great to show that there's still racism here in this town, even though it's not as rampant as it once was while ago.

When I say "a while ago" by the way, I means that I haven't heard any crap in the past couple of weeks, so it's all clear.

As for the redneck, backwoods assmunch...This is a warning. This town is 55% black in a city of over 150, 000. I don't even want to get into how many Hispanics are here now, but I know that a lot of them live on the Southside of town. But, if were you, I'd split. Real quick, homey.

So, did you see the season premier of "South Park" on Wednesday night? I didn't, 'cause I don't have cable. But, I do have broadband and I found it on You Tube. I'm tellin' you, they are gonna crack down on that site really soon, so if you're looking for, say, any thing by E.L.O., you b etter get there now before somebody starts screaming "copywrite!" But, I digress...

I thought the episode was possibly the best that Matt Parker and Trey Stone was the best they've ever done in the ten years of the show. Even using the new Hollywood trick of using old voice tracks of Isaac Hayes from previous shows to still have Chef for one more show, edits and all. Of course, the kids realize that Chef sounds a little different and that all due to The Super Adventure Club. That fruity little club scrambled the man's brain, it seems.

I won't go into further details about the show. I'll let you watch it. But, I will say that Chef dies, and it ain't pretty. But, I will share with you the eulogy, which was quite touching and showed that no matter what, the boys still loved Chef. We all will, no matter what. "Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us," says Kyle. "But we can't let the events of the last week take away our memories of how much Chef made us smile. ...

Goodbye, Jerome Macelroy. Thanks for all the good lovin', salsbery steak and buttered noodles.

Now that it's now Springtime, I can finally enjoy my favorite sunshine pastime. Going bald.

Let me tell you there is nothing better than having a shaved head, especially this time of year. The breeze just goes over your head like a Corvette in a wind tunnel and let me tell you, that is a good feeling. Just a tip though for those who really want that Bruce Willis look. If you are gonna do it, make sure that you use a good razor (Gillette's Mach Three Turbo is my blade of choice. I haven't gotten to their Fusion blades yet, as I'm not certain I'm ready for five blades) aand a good shave gel. I like a good menthol gel as the cooling effect gives you the tingles and is almost as good as a slow back rub from Eva Longoria, or better, as I've never been rubbed by Ms. Longoria, dammit. Trust me on this, however. After that wind hits your head after a menthol skull shave, you will never look at life the same. I promise you this.I don't recomend most to do this, especially the women, unless they are really brave. Also, folks who have mishapen heads. There are some of you, and you know who you are that have heads of eggs. That's right. I have seen men who have bald heads who look like they have just stepped out of the Kroger dairy and produce section. I know that you may be proud of your dome, but let's face it. You look like Vincent Price on "Batman". Me, I'm proud of my perfectly symetrical head. Dang proud. If I were a super villan, I would be Skeletor. No...I would be a Luthor.
Love me, love my slick, smooth, bald head.

Here's a short film done by Matt Parker and Trey Stone before "South Park" hit it big. It was commissioned for Universal Studios when they were purchased by Seagram's Liquor. It has the feel of a fifties school film for hygene, but it's ripe with pointed laughs at the studio, with Steven Spielberg, Micheal J. Fox, Demi Moore, Sylvester Stallone and others along for the ride. It also has lots of cussin' and wine coolers in it, so carefull around the kids.

Months back, I was searching the web for topics and found out about a little film called "Snakes On A Plane", starring Samuel L. Jackson and the hero who has to deal with...snakes on a plane. I was one of the first on the internet to talk about said film and I'm damn proud of it. I call it a crowning achivement on my part. Since then, there's been loads of coverage about a movie that hasn't even been released yet. I'll bet the the comapny that produced this flick has got to lovin' the publicity on all of this, just for the mention of the title alone...

SNAKES ON A PLANE. So simple, yet it says alot about the movie.

Well, finally we get to see some clips from the film, which could be huge. I can't wait to see Mace Shaft put a beatdown on a python. Maybe a Black Mamba. Why? Because there are snakes on a plane.

I can't wait to see "Monkeys On A Bus".

And once again, the above photo is not me.

It looks as though the battle between The "South Park" guys and the Scientologists is far from over. Wedesday night, Coomedy Central was to run the episode that made Isaac Hayes quit (which you can see here), but instead ran the "Chef's Salty Covered Balls" instead, saying it was a tribute to all the years Hayes gave to the show. Of course, according to Zapt2It, "That hasn't stopped rumors from flying that (Tom) Cruise, who takes a satirical beating in the episode, had something to do with its disappearance.

Matt Parker and Trey Stone, the show's creators just released a statement to press just hours ago that read, and I quote and this is for real here...

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun! Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!! [Signed,] Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu."

Oh, yeah...the first new "South Park" of 2006 should be a good one next Wednesday. I see a good fight comin' y'all.

I hope yours is a great celebration, with your green beer and your wearing of the green and your green foods and Celtic stuff (bu the way, why is the basketball team called the Boston "Seltics" and yet the word is 'keltic"?). Me, I'm on the air today on E-93 from two pm til seven. If you want to see what is now a tradition here for over 100 years, go here and check out the photos as they come in from the parade.

Who's tha man that won't be back for "South Park" this season?

Isaac Hayes.

I've watched the show since it started and when I found out that Hayes was the voice of Chef, I was hooked even more. I even bought the Chef Aid cd, which I know put alot of money in his pocket, even with all the controversy. So, to to find out that he's leaving due to the fact that the show makes fun of religion tells me one thing.

That man is a hypocrite.

I grew up listening to his stuff when I was a kid and still do. I remember my older sisters having his fold out cover for the "Black Moses" album on the wall in our living room. Issac was all decked out in gold chains and a robe for that cover in the seventies. So, when I saw him on the cartoon surrounded with all these jokes about Christianity, Juedeism and other relgions, I thought that at least the man can take a joke. But talk about Scientology, which is Hayes' belief, and the man get's upset. Even though the show was done months back, he up and quits now. It kinda makes it look like Comedy Central doesn't like Black people with Chappell leaving, but not this time. I mean, the man called himself "Black Moses". You'd think he could take a religious joke once in a while.

What makes it so bad for Isaac is the act that he raked in all this money from the show and now wants to condemn it. I don't want to put down any form of religion, but it feels like a powerful member of the church could have said, "You know those boys are making fun of us. It's time you left the show". Of course, Matt Stone, co-creator countered back as soon as Hayes publicly announced his departure saying,"In 10 years and over 150 episodes of 'South Park,' Isaac never had a problem with the show making fun of Christians, Muslims, Mormons and Jews. He got a sudden case of religious sensitivity when it was his religion featured on the show."

Anyway, here's the episode that made Hayes take the money and run. It doesn't convey the opinoin of myself or anyone else who posts here, so decide for yourself afterwardsd what you think of Scientology. As for "South Park", next week they return for their tenth season. I have a feeling that you'll hear about how Chef no longer feeds the kids at the school anymore and has moved on to other pastures.

Time for my annual griping of St. Patrick's Day.

Tourists...

Stay out of my way.

I'm kinda lucky this year. I'll be on the air that day while the parade is going on that morning, so I'll be far away from all the craziness, thank goodness. I should be very happy that we have such a celebration here in our little town, but now that I'm getting older, I've become jaded at the whole thing. Add to the fact that Katrina hit New Orleans and there was a small presence this year for Mardi Gras because of the hurricane, it could be a huge party this year. After all, Savannah's St. Pat's is the second biggest in the country, next to New York. Hotles are booked to capacity as far as I know. I really feel for my pal Ivan , who works for one of the local inn chains in town. It's not located in downtown Savannah where the parade is held, but I know he's got loads of folks settled in for the weekend and possibly has to deal with more craziness than aany other time this year.

As for my plans, I'll do the radio thing all weekend and go check out "V For Vendetta" for a lark. Oh, and wear my Green Lantern t-shirt. Maybe get a shepard's pie and watch the parade repeats on tv. That's about as much Irish I'll get for this holiday. I ain't fightin' that crowd this year.

Living in the eighties, I was just coming into my own when it came to the music that I liked. Rap was just starting to make noise, metal was just growing it's hair out and pop was boring in 1981. Then, there was Devo. I found out about them on an episode of Solid Gold and thought these guys were the coolest. I wound up later buying "New Tradtionalists!", "Freedom Of Choice"and others. It wound up becoming my personal soundtrack for high school. It was punk for geeks and nerds and I dug it.

The band is now making a comeback, but not the way you'd think. Disney Records now has Devo 2.0, a prefab group with kids doing the songs, with the approval of the orginal members. The scary thing is they don't sound too bad, even though they look cute and clean cut. It ironic that the subversion the lyrics talked about years ago would now be voiced by the youth of today. Which means to me that the Revolution will now be heard on Nickleodeon and spread like wildfire. I can't wait to see The Lil' Sex Pistols one day.

Me, I'll take the grown up version any day. Here's one of my favorite Devo 1.o tunes, "Beautiful World". It kinda sums of my feelings for the new kids. "It's a beautiful world for you...not me."

I've had to do a few things, so postings have been light. But what else is new around here? Plus, I don't want to post stuff that everyone else has on their site. I'm sorry...I thought that the Live action Simpsons thing was great the fisrt time I saw it, but soon everyone and thier mom had it up on their site right afterwards. If I can't get it on here the day it comes out, then I'm not gonna worry about it. And, if you've seen it already on X's page and see it again here, it kinda makes the whole thing redundant in the long run. We here at Sam-a-rama, L.L.C. do our best to mkae sure you get fresh content. It may take a while, but it's always of the finest quality, A-1 and pure.

With that being said, coming up this week to the site we have my good friend Philip Schweier from the Comic Book Bin with a piece on how we met one of comic books greatest men and did not geek out. Also coming up, we'll talk about Devo, "manorexia", and of course, St. Patrick's Day here in Savannah. Plus all the ususal stuff that winds up here. No phone calls please, as the show is pre-recorded. But do leave your comments to the chef. Thanks!

This isn't a post about comics per se, but more about my favorite day in the world.

At the crack of dawn in the middle of the week, there's alot of things to to look forward to. The weekend is getting closer, you have one more day until Thursday night television ("My Name Is Earl", "The Office", and having to flip between "Everyone Hates Chris" and the first half of "Smallville") and most importantly, NEW COMICS ON WEDNESDAY!

That's the time that Diamond Distributers send out the new books to the stores. Now to most it's an ordinary day. But to us fanboys, it's like getting manna from Heaven. LIke a kiss from a girl. Like finding out that you're actually a Trump. A thrill.

Ever since I switched the days I was going to dialysis, New Comics Day has been wonderful for me. The Comic Box is filled with usual supects everyweek to pick up their favorite items and going over other books that seem interesting. All while conversing over some of the the most nerdiest topics in the world. "24", the internet, what's up with Supergirl dressing like a slut, bad movies...Geek stuff. It's hilaroius and yet, fun.

You know how guys sit around and talk about car specs, or the latest conquests at the bar? Yeah, it's kinda like that. It's a smorgasborg of pop culture. Kinda like a lodge meeting or outcasts.

Yes, lodge meetings. As in the Royal Order of Water Buffaloes. We have our own secret grettings ( Well...some of us. They won't tell me), our own secret language ( You try figuring out what the gamers and anime fans are talking about sometimes), and myterious conversations about stuff that if the average person just walked in and tried to jump in, would be looked at like an intruder and taken off into the icy world of Hoth and left there for the Banthas. Okay, not that extreme, but you get the point. A nerdternety.

Going to the Comic Box on Wednesdays is the most fun I get every week at this point. I get to hang out with good folks, shoot the bull and get my weekly fix, all at once. With my world going crazy for about six days, it's good to have the one day where I can cut loose and let my geek flag fly. I want to thank them for letting me. And thank the guys who stop by every Wednesday or their fix as well.

New meeting next Wednesday.

I was talking with Karen about her fasination with all things Star Wars, alhtough she says it's for her son Ethan. I know the deal. So, I told her about the Star Wars Holiday Special from 1978 which sahe had never heard of or seen. Until now, thanks to You Tube. Here's the synopsis I got from the page...

Plot Outline: Chewie and Han Solo are trying to get home to Chewie's family, so they can celebrate Lifeday, a holiday that is celebrated on Chewbacca's home planet Kashyyyk. Chewie and Han Solo are trying to get to the planet where Chewie's family is waiting for him, but the empire is out searching for the rebels, giving everyone a hard time. While we are waiting we get a look at the everyday life of a wookie family. We meet all the familiar characters from Star Wars and we are introduced to Bobba Fett during a small cartoon. We also pay a visit to the Cantina and meet all the monsters again.

Obviously, this guy was a biig an of this. And, was very drunk when he wrote this, cause it needs a warning: "This thing stinks like Bantha breath".

I warn you now...This makes "Phantom Menace" look like "Crash". It is that cheesy. Which makes it that good, in my opinion. This is the full special, which Harvey Korman in drag, Carrie Fisher stoned, Jefferson Starship doing bad seventies rock, a commercial for action figures and Bea Arthur. If you love bad tv and "Star Wars", this is for you. And for Karen.

What I would do to watch this on the Satellite Of Love.

Last one and I'm done talking about the Oscars. Promise.

I brought up on the air today Three 6 Mafia's win and everyone who called in was surprized, as they didn't even watch the show. Viewership was down 10% from last year, so that explains that. So, to get one final reaction, I contacted our man in Hollywood, Mark Evanier via email..

You and I agree with the way Jon Stewart handled the show, however, I just wanted to know your feelings on Three 6 Mafia winning the Oscar For Best Song. Being in radio and living down South, I've known about the group for years, but seeing those guys winning that award had me> flipping out for hours. The only problem I had though was during the> perfomance with the choreography. They could have looked like they did it on the Amercian Music Awards and come off like thugs, but the dancing looked out of place and reminded me of how Oscar can make a> good song look bad. The same could be said for the song from 'Crash". Did they really need a burning car in the background?

Says Mark...

I didn't understand that at all. I thought it was great that guys who were that happy won the Oscar. I've never seen them perform anywhere else so I don't know how the staging made them look compared to how they usually look. But that's a rough stage to fill and I don't think the Oscars are usually shot well.

Needless to say, If D4L ever gets a nod form the Acadamy, I will quit going to the movies forever.

Here's a British commercial for Kellogg's Rice Crispies, featuring The Rolling Stones, circa 1964 before they sold out.

Oh...they were doing it before Ameriquest? Never mind. Still cool stuff, though.

I'm looking into doing some podcasting very soon, to expand on stuff here, plus to show off some of the music I love. I want to do it soon, but I'm not exactly sure which place is the best site to host it on. If anyone has any ideas, please let me know soon, as I'm excited to get it up and running. Thanks.

This is from my good friend, Mark Streeter. I'll try to show him off to you guys when I can. He's a great editorial cartoonist for the Savannah Morning News and a heck of a good guy.

It's all said and done now. Awards have been handed out and the show is over. A litter shorter than normal and that's a good thing. The Acadamy Awards was pretty laid back this year. No Bush bashing, no politics, just give the awards and say your thank yous, even with Jon Stewart hosting this year, which was kinda nice. Although, I was listening to Matt Drugde (who I can't stand and who looks like a Brokeback Walter Winchell, in my opinion) say to Ann Coulter in his radio show that Hollywood is playing it safe this year with all of its controversial movies nominated for Best Picture. Maybe it was, but it was a good show nonetheless.

I do have to give it up to Stewart. He looked like just there to do the show and go back to New York. He didin't looked bored, but he was there to move the show along, as he did with the Grammys before. Nothing special, but very important at the same time. He had some great one liners (“Bjork couldn’t be here tonight, she was trying on her Oscar dress and was shot by Dick Cheney.” ), but nothing to displease anyone. Here's hoping he gets to come back and host again soon.

As for the winners...It's hard to believe "Brokeback Mountain" got their back broken by "Crash" for Best Picture. With all the hype of the film and Ang Lee winning for best director, you would havbe thought that it would have walked away with the big one. However, Paul Haggis walked away with the win, so congrats to him and his crew. I still haven't seen any of the movies nominated, but perhaps now I will.

One more thing about Three 6 Mafia. Now, for those not in the now, they're from Atlanta which is growing more and more for its brand of rap music, which is called "crunk". Now, after watching the choreography during their perfomance, Gil Cates probably killed ATL hip hop for everybody now, as it sucked. Plus, since I just found out that I'll be on the air for E-93 tomorrow afternoon, somebody will be calling me wanting to hear "Hard Out Here For a Pimp", just to get the moves down they saw on the show, ruining rap for everyone. I just know it.

Rap group Three 6 Mafia just won an Oscar for best song, "It's Hard Out Here For a Pimp" from the film "Hustle and Flow". You know, no one in Hollywood will get any sleep atfter this. Because there will be Cristal flowing from the top of the Capitol Building and lap dances from the Kodak Theater all the way to Disneyland. You think I'm kiddin'? Hip hop has taken over the Acadamy Awards.

To paraphrase Jon Stewart, it's not so hard out here for a pimp anymore after this.

Okay, I'm gonna get the jump on this before everyone else does. Although this just ran last Satuday night on SNL, it's already hit the web ala "Lazy Sunday", thanks to You Tube. Just the site of seeing Natalie Portman doing hardcore rap is funny. However, her flow's pretty good. And honestly, she may the first white woman in hip hop with game. Go, Padme! Go Padme, Go!

While I'm writing this, I'm still loopy from the oxycodone, which has been killing the pain in my arm. I haven't taken the drug in two days, and it's still kicking my ass. I feel like I'm at a Dead show in '72. Maybe I should listen to them now and see if the music is much better this way.

I just wanted to thank everyone for their letters and cards. It's good to know you have folks out there who care enough about you, no matter what. So, hope you enjoy the Oscars tonight. I'll watch as well and try to have some kind of opinion about it on Monday. I'll talk to you then.

I got none. Sorry. I haven't seen any of the films that made Best Picture, or any of the work of the actors that were nominated. However, I would like to nominate...

Dick Cheney for Best Guest Shot

Anna Nicole Smith for Best Interpretation of being as dumb as a rock

G.W. Bush For Best Alfred E. Newman Impression

Bodie Miller for Best Reason Why Not To Bet On The Winter Olympics

and Barry Bonds for Best Actress. Enjoy the show!

I'm back, typing with one hand, so I'll make it quick. Thanks for the support. I won't be typing much for a few days until the swelling goes down, but just know i'll be thinking about you all till my return. Just check back once a day, or drop me an email, if you can. I may be dropping one your way while I'm down.

I also have to thank Randy for something very special as well...

Now I have something to take my mind off of the pain. This photo, to me, is the equal of Bonds hitting one out of the park. On Balco, of course. I wish I had both arms working now, as a picture says a thousand words, and I got a million of 'em now.

Sam-a-rama!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Do YOU Know Bill Brasky?

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Better Than "Snakes On A Plane"?

Monday, March 27, 2006

Sam-a-rama: The Podcast!

Sunday, March 26, 2006

YO, Homeys!

Tales From The Comic Box # 5: Super Nerds!

Thursday, March 23, 2006

"What Would You Do?"

"Oh my God...They Killed Chef!"

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Isaac, Luthor and Me

Monday, March 20, 2006

"It's UCS For Me!"

Saturday, March 18, 2006

SNAKES ON A DAMN PLANE!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Love Gravy VS. The Thetans, Part Deux...

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Love Gravy VS. The Thetans

The (Forced) Wearing O' The Green

Monday, March 13, 2006

Q:Are We Not Cute? A:We Are Devo!

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Coming Attractions

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Tales From The Comic Box #5

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

The Star Wars Holiday Special

Monday, March 06, 2006

I wish I could quit talkin' 'bout Oscar...

Snap, Crackle, Rock!

The Sam-a-Rama Radio Show

From My Friend, Mark Streeter

Sunday, March 05, 2006

It's Hard Out Here For Oscar

HOLY CRAP...

Natalie Portman+SNL=Crazy Delicious!

Crazy Loopy

Friday, March 03, 2006

Oscar Picks....

Thursday, March 02, 2006

One Armed Sam

Sam-a-rama!

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