Sam-a-rama!

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Monday, May 08, 2006

The Most Unsexiest Woman Results...FINALLY!

Thanks you all for your votes for this poll. To remind everyone, this was done as a responce to the Phoenix's Most Unsexiest Men List, which was done with the editors doing the choosing. I decided however to put the choice in your hands and let everyone know, which you did. In picking on who would be included, some of the names in the poll were thrown in as ringers, knowing that they wouldn't get picked. The ones that were, however are here for one reason and one reason alone. There ain't one sexy bone in their body. No matter what. So, here's how it went down...

No Votes (0%)
Mary Hart
Kathie Lee Gifford

Lisa Rinna
Jenny McCarthy
Fergie (Black Eyed Peas)
Pink
Arianna Huffington
Julie Chen
Charlize Theron
Dolly Parton
Goldie Hawn

Kirstie Alley
Nichole Ritchie
Lindsey Lohan
Mariah Carey
Reese Witherspoon
Brigit Nielsson
Nicholette Larson
Clhoe Svengy
Sharon Stone
Madonna

Vanna White
Ashlee Simpson
Carmen Electra
Fiona Apple
Avril Lagvine

Fantasia Barrino
Hillary Duff
Haley Duff
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen
Pam Anderson
Kate Moss
Naomi Campbell
Brittany Murphy
Christina Aguilara


Wow. Out of the thirty-five women listed, I had a few of them that I really thought would be pegged unsexy by you guys. I really don't see the fasination with Kate Moss, Christina should have been off the charts with this thing, and I know everybody's seen VH1 as of late with Brigit chasing Flavor Flav around and have said to themselves, "My God, was that the same woman who was in 'Cobra' with Stallone?" It's okay though, as the women who did get the vote do wave the unxexy flag well.

You know what? At this point here, let's just call a skank a skank. Here's the ones that did get the vote.

Tied-1 %(1 votes)


LIL' KIM

Back in the day, she was pretty hot, then all all of a sudden she decided that plastic surgery would make her beauty better. What it did was give her look like a Bratz doll and those things are ugly as hell. She looks like one of those girls in those porn/anime mash ups. Plus, you are Black. Do you really need collegen? I really don't wanna see what she looks like when she gets outta prison.

MACY GRAY

Big afro, squeaky voice. Not a good match.

WHITNEY HOUSTON

What the hell happened here? I mean, this was one of the most talented, glamourous women around and look at her now. This is what I call a damn shame. Why can't somebody just grab her by the weave and shake some sense in her head that she can go on with out Bobby Brown? Please. Someone kick her in her dookie butt and wake her up and wake us up from this walking nightmare.

BRITNEY SPEARS

Who says you can't go from the trailer park to fame back to the trailer park again?

"NEW YORK" from Flavor Of Love

I would have included the entire female cast of the show, but this one stuck out like a sore on a prom queen. When the cameras followed her home so Flav could meet her parents, you could see the look on her mom that said, "Please take this child. We know she's crazy and we're tired as hell." And no...not even with a paper bag over her head would I.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR

Now, this was one of the ringers I threw in, so I was shocked to see her name here. Mind you, she's up there now, so I can see how some of you don't think of her as sexy. But, go back to the fifties to mid sixties up till "Cleopatra". This lady was bad ass then. After that, you can do what you wanna.

STAR JONES-REYNOLDS

How dare you vote for her on this list? Here's a woman who worked hard to get where she is today.

Alright, I'm lying my ass off. I can't stand the woman. At first, I thought she was pretty cool, but then the diva started oozing out of her fat glands and she just started to get on my last nerves. Speaking of which, how did she lose all that weight? You know she had surgery, but she'll never tell, unless she get's a nice advance from a book company. I can't wait for Rosie to get on "The View" so she and Joy and go all "Yo Mama" on her.

Not that I watch the show, mind you.

Tied-3% (2 votes)

SARAH JESSICA PARKER

I grew up with SJP, "Square Pegs"and all. She reminded me so much of the girl next door. She even married Ferris Bueller. But then came "Sex In The City" and ruined everything. It's what happens when a good girl goes skank.

TARA REID

This is not Tara in real life. This is Tara ACTING. In real life, she is as dumb as a bag of water. This was the only shot that I could find that didn't have her boobs popping out.

She's so dumb, she reads Braile out loud.

JUDY TENUTA

Okay, so she plays a bad accordian and calls men "pigs" in her stand up act. Does she belong here on this list?

Yes, because I put her there.

LIZA (with a Z) MINELLI

C'mon, this one here was a gimmie. Ray Charles could have picked this one out in the dark. At least Star could take a lesson from Liza on how to marry a gay man.

OOOH, SNAP!

Tied-6% (4 votes)

KELLY OSBOURNE

This is not a pretty child. She will not grow up any better. It's like Ozzy took the genes from the bird's head he bit off, mixed it with his and genetically grew her in a beaker 'cause he was out of test tubes. She could have been a Black Sabbath tune, she's that hard looking.

CONDOLEEZA RICE

If Amerosa got more power, this is what she would turn out to be. She's got a gap in her mouth so big, you could have park three trucks and a Prius there. There hasn't been a beautiful woman in politics since Jackie O. C'mon, Washington. You can do better than this.

Tied-10%(6 votes)

Courtney Love

Anything I say I say here cannot be topped by what was said about her at Pam Anderson's Roast on Comedy Central, which busted on her as much as the roastie. "How is it possible that Kurt Cobain looks better now than Courtney Love?" was one. Sarah Silverman (who will never be on this type of list) said on the show, "I was curious to see which Courtney Love was going to show up: the smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore or the violent smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore." I think the latter is in this photo.

PARIS HILTON

I, for one have been in a Hilton over the years, as I know alot of you have. I know that worry about sleeping in a Hilton because so many have and could get bitten by bugs and what not. I'm certain that they clean up a Hilton all the time to make it look better, but it's always they same thing. No matter what you do with it, it still comes out trashy.

Take that one as you will, please.

ANN COULTER

Writer, commentator, pundit, SKANK. You've heard about those two cute California teens who sing about their love of the Nazis? Well, here's one of them grown up. It's not just her looks that put her on this list, it's just plain her. I could really say something bad about her, but I don't believe in violence against women. Hard, slooow, "Hostel" style violence.

And finally, we have a clear cut winner who walked away with the prize Most Unsexiest Woman...

28 %(17 votes)

TORI SPELLING

I think one of the reasons she got as far as she did on the list was due to her show "So NoTORIous" on VH1. I honestly haven't seen the show, nor do I care to. I never watched her on "90210" or her bad tv movies, either. But she's famous due to her father needing extra income to pay for Tori's shopping habits by putting her to work. So, thank you Aaron Spelling for giving us, America and the world, The Most Unsexiest Woman. I'm not certain if this list will be a suitable weeding present for her and her soon to be divorced new husband, but I hope that she takes it well and doesn't exchange this for a Salad Shooter. As for the rest of you ladies here on the list, as we say here in the South, "Bless your souls". Let's hope you don't wind up on a list like this from a larger website and recieve worst damage from better writers.

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