Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Another Auld Lang Syne

I'm getting ready for the new year today by getting a shave and a haircut. Hopefully, I'll be going out and celebrating. It's the first time in years that I'll bring in the year and not working at midnight for somebody else. Plus, my bestest, bestest,BESTEST pal in the world, Ronnie Faust is in town with his soon to wed wife Brenadette, so I'll be hanging with them, I hope. So, from all of us here in Savannah to all of you out there, have a happy new year and we'll see you on the flipside of Sunday!

Friday, December 30, 2005

Women and Football Do Mix

I've written a post exclusively for My Space about a little adventure I had tonight involving the Pacific Bowl (congratulations to the Oklahoma Sooners who won 17-14 over the Oregon Ducks, which is the most f'ed up name for any team. Sorry, Oregon.) and my friend Annie, who will be going away to Columbus, Georgia with her fiance' Chris. If anything, I want to wish them and Chris's son Jake, the coolest seven year old in the world (He loves Black Sabbath!) the besat of luck and will miss 'emm terribly. But, Annie's gotta learn about football. Soon. Read on...

Thursday, December 29, 2005

Mission Statement 2006

As we get closer to the end of 2005, folks are making their resolutions for 2006, sayinghtat they'll lose weight, quit smoking, blah, blah,blah. I have gone one better. I've made a mission statement.

"To keep my mind, body and spirit in the best shape possible."

Okay, now to most of you, that may sound like Dr. Phil babble to alot of you, but hear me out on this one. For the past few months now, I've been more concerned about the bills and crap with out taking care of my body. Dialysis however has sort of taken a backseat, even though I still go when I should and on time, smething is missing. So today, I looked at a new clinic that I hope will make me work harder on my health. I think it'll be the best thing for me as I am on the transplant list and prefere the peaace of mind knowing that I'll become healthier. Plus, Fundraising will return in high gear. I know I've let it slack off, but I will do my best to get thing back on track.

Speaking of mind, my anxieties have been acting up more and more, which has ment more attacks as of lately. I actually went to the hospital on Tuesday just from one. So, it's time to get to work on that. I have a feeling that will wind up being the most work of all of these. After all, nobody loves a crazy Black guy. Look at R. Kelly's divorce.

As for the spirit part, that's where I need you guys to step up. I need as many frineds as I can next year. You know I have the My Space thing down there and I'm also signed to Friendster as well. But, you can find me here for the most part. Drop me a line at the Chatterbox below, or in the comments or drop me a line at samjohnson@gmail.com. Every once in a while, and this is kinda cheesy, but it's nice to hear an encouraging word for folks, even if it's brief. It keeps me going and let's me know there are folks out there that care. No more crazy nights, either. Its time to settle down and relax more. I know40 is the new 30 now, but I've done way too much for one person. It's time I acted my age now. Sam Johnson is growing up. Finally.

I hope your resolutions go the way you planned. I'm gonna do my best to keep my mission statement. If anything, I'll just remember it the way it has always been...

I'm gonna make it do what it do.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Guilty Pleasures-2005

I haven't done a meme in a long time, and with the year almost over, I could have done the typical list. However, let's talk about something fun. you know, those things you did when no one else was looking. So, to start it all off...

Guiltiest Song: "Trapped In The Closet-Chapters 1-11". Okay, I have said on record that I can't stand R. Kelly. The man is a pervert. However, "Trapped" was a freak soap opera worthy of "Passions". Homosexuality, midgets, pies, police, torrid affairs...it doens't get any better than that. All you needed was somebody peeing someone and R. would have had the biggest song since "Heat Of The Moment" by Asia.

Guiltiest TV: I didn't watch much reality tv this year, save "The Appentice". It still gives me the chills to see Donald drop the f-(fired) bomb on someone. Watching Martha telling someone that it just isn't working out is kinda like hearing Marcia Brady saying, "Something suddenly came up". Second place goes to the theme for "Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends". Cutest theme EVER.

Guiltiest Food: The Ginormous Breakfast Sandwich from Burger King. I know that's no tthe right name for it. However, you couldn't help it even though you knew it would kill you just for knowing it's colesterol count. I only had one and it's lasted me six months just by still sitting inside my intesins and damn, it's still good.

Guiliest Drink: Vault Energy Soda. Drink like a soda, tastes like an engery drink, whoops the Hell outta you like Ike on Tina.

Guiltiest Crush:

Catherine Keener. I've been watching "The 40 Year Old Virgin" (Guiltiest Movie as I haven't seen "Wedding Crashers") and got a hugh jones for her ever since. Yes, women in their fourties and up are as sexy as they were in their twenties. Only more experienced.

Guiltiest Man Crush: Jeremy Piven. We should all hug it out, bitch.

Now, who to pass this out to? Pandora, David, Swan Shadow, Randy and Kevin. Heck, everybidy on emy blogroll! Do IT! (Guiltiest Catchphraase said like a Soprano.)

Sunday, December 25, 2005

"When Titans Meet"

I hope you all had a great Christmas on Sunday. I got...Well, paid. I have been here at the stations since 11 am and won't leave until 12:30 am, so you know I'm ready to go. NOW. There were a few good moments, though. Okay, at least one, since everything else was a Lewinski.

As you remember, I left the phone nubers to the stations here so anyone who wanted to call me today could, as I all I wanted was to hear some friendly voices today. I got one in the form of David from Better Living Thru Blogging! I gotta tell ya, I was surprized that anyone called me and I'm glad that he did. After the bad day I was having (being called an Athiest by a listener on the R&B station for not playing Christmas music. I told him, "Don't hate the player, hate the game", but he kept on until I told him...Let's just say he got to know me a little better after that), he cheered me up just by telling me "Merry Christmas" which was soemthing no one else had done since I had been on the air all day. I'll admit to you guy, by the way, it may not seem like it, but I have a very foul mouth and kinda dropped a couple of words to David, which I hope didn't shock him. Sorry about that, friend. But, if you were to really meet me of the page, I am a sick individual. I learned from Pryor, Carlin and my uncles. Words you never heard before and if you did, you would call the FCC to stop me before I even got on the air. Anyways, I hope you unsdertand that the day was a long one, David. But, I'm glad to finally talk to you. Thank you once again for making me an Official Montanian (Montanan? I forget. Sorry). If it's okay with you, I'll make you a Official Savannaian. I know, it almost sounds like "alien". It's almost right then it comes to this town.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

I Wish It Was Christmas Today





I did have one more little thing I had to share with you, thanks to my pal Jeff McDermott. With all the crap going on 364 days of the year, I wisha it was Christmas everyday, too. Dig in a nd hope you got something good this year!

Dashing Thru The Audio Snow

Here's my holiday schedule for Christmas Day...

Noon-4pm:WEAS (912-947-0093)

5-9pm-WIXV (912-947-9595)

9-12amWBMQ

That's right. I am the sacrificial lamb this year. Somebody had to do it and it turns out to be me. So, give me a call at one of them during the day, if you'd like, just to make sure I haven't gone nuts, or bring me some holiday ham. But, you enjoy your Christmas. Let me know if you got something good this year.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Santa Sam-a-Rama!

Alright, kids step right up! Santa's here and he's got loads of gifts ofr you this year! Now last year, I gaave out copies of "Riu Chiu" by The Monkees, which is a wonderful Christmas song. So much so, I'm giving you a copy of it again. Go on and dig in Santa's bag and get one for yourself. It in Windows Media, so I hope you have no problems playing it.

Now, let's see. A lot of you love movies and it is the holidays after all. So, the biggest film this year had aliens along with Martians. Of course, we're talking "War of The Worlds" with Tom Cruise (c'mon, I know that you can piece that joke together. The readers here ain't dumb.) So, for you this year, here's the greatest aliens vs. Papa Noel movie ever made...

Look, I coudn't get "The 40 Year Old Virgin" for you (One of the year's best, by the way), so I got you "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" in Stream-o-vision from Archive.org. Sit back with the kids and enjoy this classic.

Finally, I got a an ecard for you. Now, I sent it out via email to most of you, but for those whoes address I don't have, you can pick it up right here.

Before I go, I'd like to dedicate this post to Karen Greaves, who lost her life after an auto accident in Australia. Karen and I met via the web and we talked often, mostly about her kids Ethan and Lani. During this holiday season, my prayer and sympathy goes to them. To anyone who've lost a loved one this year, you're not alone. I promise. I hope that your holidays are as sweet and wonderful as they were before. It won't be the same, bt you know that somewhere, somebody special is hoping that you're enjoying it.

Okay, that's it. I may post one more thing today, but other than that, It's break time. Thanks so much for making me work harder to make you laugh this year. Thank you all for making me work hard fundraising (WE WILL BE WORKING MUCH,MUCH HARDER ON THAT NEXT YEAR). Thank you for making me become a much better person over all this year. To everyone on the Blogroll to you left, to the folks at Blogger for finally giving me the WWW here, to Carl for making me smile, and to you the reader...Thank you so much for making The RSJS your home and we'll hope that Sam-a-rama becomes a hub you stop by during your flights of fancy around the web. Happy Holidays to all of you!

Oh, and the holidays starts tomorrow with Festivus. I'd do "the Airing of Grievances" then, but we've done enough Bush jokes for one year.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

"Crazy Delicious"



This is the second time I've had to post "The Chronicles of Narnia" rap here since it runs on Flash. If you have it updated on your broswer, you should be fine. Just hit the play buttton on the screen and it should run fine. I should say that this is the funniest SNL thing I've seen in a long time, plus the beat is dope, as the kids say.

Don't forget to check in Thursday for your presents. Santa Sam did you right this year. Promise.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Carl and the Christmas Wish

It was getting closer and closer to the holidays and Carl Wintergaten was excited for it, as penguins do. He knew that it getting colder and that when it snowed, penguins could do all sorts of things outside. They could dance in the snow, they could make snow angels, they could even glide on top of a snow bank on their stomach. There was only one little problem...Carl lived in the Southeaast of the United States, where it never snowed. But, he moved to the South to be near his best pal, Sam and knew that in Savannah, it would never, ever snow. Every year, Carl would make his Christmas wish for snow to blanket the entire city, but it never happened. He knew it wouldn't. But, he knew that it wouldn't hurt to ask.

Still, Carl loved being here in Savannah with Sam. It wasn't Antartica, but it was wonderful being here with his freind. They did all sorts of things together like going to the movies, playing Frisbee in the park, and reading comic books together. Sometimes, Carl's other best freind Bippy Wigglesworth would come over and they would get in all sorts of adventures and they went travelling to visit as many folks as they could. Being here was so much better than being where he came from. Everyone wore the same clothes and did the same thing. But at the same time, he felt homesick for all the snow. He wished Sam knew how much fun he had sliding on the ice on his tummy.

Sam meanwhile was busy with so much during the holidays that he almost forgot abbout Carl. When he wasn't working, he was off to the doctors to make sure he would get sick. Sam was still having kidney problems and going off to dialysis every other day. He was happy when he met Carl after putting an ad in the paper saying he needed a roomate to help him out and they became the best of freinds ever since. But now, Sam was just too tied up to hang out with Carl like he used to. Carl knew it. So one day, he had and idea.

One day after Sam had come home tired from the clinic, Carl sat him down and said, "Hey Sam, did you make your Christmas wish yet?" Sam looked surprised and said, "Oh my! I've been so tied up with everything, I almost forgot that Christmas was just days away! I haven't even set up the house for it! I don't even have your present yet!" Then all of a sudden, Sam began to cry. He told Carl that he didn't have any money this year to buy anything this year because of bills and he wouldn't even be able to buy a tree or anything. That's when Carl had the idea.

Carl looked at Sam and said, "Don't shead a tear, old freind. I'm gonna make my Christmas wish this year and this time, I'm gonna share it with you." Sam said, " But Carl, it's your wish. Don't waste it on me." "Nahhh", said Carl. "It'll be worth it." Then, Carl slapped his wings together, closed his eyes and said, "I wish that it would snow for me and Sam here this year." Sam looked at Carl and said, "Carl, don't so that. You know it never shows here in Savannah. You shouldn't waste your wish on that every year, if not wasting it on me." Carl told him, "Don't worry, Sam. It'll work out. Now, you go off to bed. You had a long day today. Let me worry about the wish."

Soon, Sam went off to sleep, while Carl grabbed the phone and made a few quick calls.

Soon, Christmas had come. Carl was so excited that he was up before Sam. He jumped onto Sam's bed that mornng and said,"Wake up, wake up! Christmas is finally here!" Sam then came downstairs and noticed that there was a huge Christmas tree in the living room. Sam looked shocked and said, "When did we get a tree in the house?!"

Carl said, "I dunno, but we got presents under it! Merry Christmas, Sam!" Carl then grabbed a box from under the tree and handed it to Sam. He then opened it to find DVD box sets to his favorite tv shows, from "A-Team" to "Wacky Races". He looked at Carl and said in a soft tone, "Thank you , old friend." Carl looked at Sam and said, "Hey, I should thank you for the present you bought me" and Carl pulled his box from the tree and opened it. It was a copy of "March Of The Penguins" which had Carl's sister Marge and her son Huey in it in a featured roll.

Sam looked at Carl and said, "I never had a chance or the money to buy you a gift, or efven get a tree. I'm sorry, Carl." Soon Carl figured out how the tree got there with all of those presents, but he couldn't tell Sam. Carl just looked at him and said, "Well, I'm not sure either. Maybe we should look ouside and see if there's anyone out there." They then opened the front door and saw that the entire outside of the house was covered in white stuff.

"It's snow!" they both said and ran into the banks outside their house. " I went to sleep last night, but before I drifted off, I saw the weatherman and he never said anything about snow", said Sam. He then noticed that even though it was cold outside, his house was the only one on the block with four feet of snow. His house was the only one on the block, possibly in the city with snow on it. He looked at Carl and all Carl did was shrug his shoulders, as if to say "I dunno".
After playing in the snow for a bit, they went back inside the ouse and noticed that there was all sorts of food now on the table. Turkey and stuffing, cake and pies, mulled cider on the stove, all kinds of holiday food. Carl looked at Sam again and said, "I have no idea".

Sam thought it would be a great idea to call of their freinds over to see the snow and enjoy their food, but it was too late for that. All the television stations in the city found out about the miracle and came over with the cameras. Soon, word got across to the networks and everyone found out about the snow. His freinds came over without even calling and started making snow angels and snowpeople and started snowball fights. Even Bippy came by and began speaking to reporters saying, "In Montana, it snows all the time during the winter. But, I never heard of it ever snowing Savannah, at least in one spot!" Everyone had a wonderfull time playing in the snow and enjoying all the good food Carl and Sam had. Carl and Sam even tummy slid on the banks of all the snow in the back yard. They sang songs and told stories and laughed all day until it got late and it was time to go home. It as a christmas no one would ever forget.

When Carl and Sam finally sat down to relax, Sma looked at his penguin pal and said, "You knew all about this, didn't you?" Carl just looked up to Sam and said,"Hey, I'm just getting my Christmas wish like I asked. I'm just glad to share it this year with you. Thanks for being a good freind to me, Sam." "You too, Carl", said Sam. They sat next to window and saw all the snow on the ground, while sipping on warm cider.

Meanwhile, a rented motor home was driving away from the city of Savannah, with a snow machine being towed behind it. Inside, a group of Emperor penguins were laughing away and singing "White Christmas" before they headed off to the airport.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Follow Up To "A Freind"

Welp, I found out who the aannonymous freind was and was completely surprized on who it was. I'll keep it private on who it was, since it was obviousalt written for me and not for you, Nosey Nancy. I will say publicly that I hope that said person has wonderful life and enjoys thier destiny.

Okay, that's it. Go back to doing what you were doin' before...

Friday, December 16, 2005

How Not To Kill Your Fellow Man During The Hollidays

Ya know, if Arnold had done "Jingle All The Way" the right way, there would have been bodies everywhere and we would be done with Sinbad forever, with Arnie saying, "Now who's a ho-ho-ho"? I was two thirds away from doing that at the local Wal-Mart getting my ingredients together for my cider. Add to the fact that I was feeling like my butt had been whupped thanks to dialysis (why do I even think about moving when I should try to rest after that hell) and it was a ride a minute.

As soon as I pull into the parking lot, I'm having to sit behind cars trying to wait on spaces. You know, they say you should excercise by trying to walk alot. Put your car just a little further than you would normally park and get rid of some calories. Yeah, you could do that. However, you decide to just sit there for five frickin' minutes and see if there's anyone in the car. Guess what, Jughead...There ain't. MOVE!

After pulling him from his window and giving the mook a good thrashing (my vision), I walked into the store and quickly got what I needed, except for one thing: Mason Jars. Now, out of anything that the retail dreamsrusher would have, it would be Mason Jars. But, they didn't. I asked one salesperson and they just looked at me as if I just made the name up and said no. My rage began to flare, but I kept it in check. It wasn't the salesperson's fault. There was no need to beat her into a pulp. After all, it is the holidays and junk. I found some bottles however, so that should do.

AS I got to tthe line to check out, my legs felt like they were getting ready to give out on me and I felt woozy. I quickly grabbed a Vault soda from the cooler next to me and began to chug it down, giving be that extra boost I needed to get me thru the long line. I then began to check out with the speed that I needed. Then, the bottles wouldn't register.

I sat in that freakin' line forever waiting for a price check. Soon, I began to black out and felt like something had begun to take over my body. Before you know it, I was in my car getting ready to crank up, whistling "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town". AsI was pulling out of the parking lot, I was that the Wal-Mart as in flames. Children were screaming. I could smell the plastic of the Smiley face mascot in the air. Grown men began to cry, wondering where would they get their jerkey and 10-40 oil? While I drove away, all I could say to yself was, "Now, your jingle bells have been rocked".

Really, I got the right price after waiting forever got to the car and quietly went home to make the perfect cider. But, if Arnie had done it my way, he wouldn't be going thru the crap he's got now.

Mulling Over The Holidays

Tonight is the big night that I really get into the Christmas spirit as I begin making my homeade mulled apple cider. I've been doing it now for about three years and I've enjoyed making it for freinds, but this year I plan on trying some new things with it. Possibly adding cherries or another fruit along with it, to give it that extra lift. Like the brandy inside dosen't give it enough. I wisah you guys were here while I made it so you could have a sip or three. I'll try and some shots up for you here when I'm done so you can at least get the pitcure, so to speak.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Looking for "A FRIEND"

We gotta problem and we're gonna sovle it today.

I've been getting some cooments from someone calling themselves "a friend". Now, The reason I have the comments is so folks can...comment. Now, for those of you who have blogs and use it, comments can be a good thing or a bad thing. Except when you get annonymous folks leaving notes and they don't tell you who they are. Especially when they go, "Love ya. You should write more often".

WHO THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO BE WRITING TO, HUH?!

I have lived for 39 years on this planet and have made frieds from crack dealers to Toni Braxton so far. Unless your one or the other, please. Drop me a line at samjohnson@gmail.com and let me know who you are. Or you get bupkis, 'cause I gotta headache and I don't feel like guessing over 100,000 folks. AND, NO FREAKIN' HINTS. JUST COME OUT WITH IT. PLEASE.

Oh, yeah...And have a good day.

I gave away an ATV last night...


and I look like I want to ride it before I give it away. I-95 had a big givaway for a Yamaha ATV and I went out withthe guys to help congratulate the winner. That's him on the ATV, along with with (clockwise) Bill White, Caveman ( his real name is Myron Humperdick), yours truly, Johnny Dollar, and Don "Scooter" Scott. Yes, no one ever said rock and roll was pretty, folks.

"You must become a Prince before you become a King anyway"

Since we're talking controversy today, Prince has a new single out that came out on Tuesday called "Te Amo Corazon", with a video directed by Salma Hayak that sounds an looks fantastic. When I was married, my ex used to drive me crazy about the guy, when I knew that he was good. She however had her own little dreams about the guy. I'm glad I dropped her off at Lake Minnnetonka. Still, I can't fault the guy, becaause he's as good as they come and better now than he was twenty years ago. Check out these clips and prove me wrong ("Partyman" is my favorite slip, as he spoofs the "Batman" film he did the soundtrack for and hits a few other stars as well). Oh, and if you see the ex, let her know that Prince is happliy married now, so she lost two good men, will ya?

As Sirius As It Gets

Tomorrow is an important day in radio as Howard Stern leaves terrestial broadcasting and heads on to satellite on January 9th. We should all know by now from all the hype that's been generated over the past few months because of it. I for one am jealous because pay radio seems to be the way to go these days if you really want to do a radio show. Mind you, I feel great working in free radio, but at the same time, satellite is such a growing prospect. If kinda feels like when NBC and CBS started up in the late 20's/ early 30's heated you know it could get only better. With Stern now heading up two channels on Sirius, look for folks to start looking a bit closer to the format and prices to start going down next year, making it even more affordable to jump on.

Now, do I see Howard doing everything he promised Sirius and making them bigger than XM? Yes. I know...All it is is Howard throwing cold cuts at girl's asses and folks saying more curse words and nudity. Yeah, but now he can say what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants without the FCC on his tail. Of course his fans will jump on it. I hope that Stern's presence on satellite radio will give way to more DJ's crossing over and doing shows as well (hint-hint). Plus, you'll have to pay for it, meaning if you don't like the show, you can switch over to Martha Stewart or whomever you want, without a lot of commercials. That seems worthwhile to me.

For those of you who may have heard the King Of All Media or those who haven't, Friday's your last chance to hear him now on the cheap. I wish him the best of luck and hope that I get as lucky as he is right now, making millions of fans and dollars.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Mooks I Work With

Above you is a photo of three losers who still believe in the power of radio. In a world filled woth Jacks and Arrows, these three men feel they can save the industry now that Howard Stern has left them. From left to right is respected idiot and the host of "Sam-a-rama", Caveman, who handles 6 to midnight and Bill White, who does the late night thing. Please visit Rockofsavannah.net and show your love for rock and roll by telling the new Program Director Don Scott that we need a raise or we'll start playing Air Supply and nobody wants that.

Pandora knows her music

Now the Pandora I know is a wonderful person and a good blogger, but I have now met a new Pandora who can help me find artists and songs and create a radio station just from that one search. I'm torn. Who do I turn to for Matthew Sweet?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

New Stuff!!!

I'm doing little tweeks and things here for the site that's gonna work out well for everyone, I think. I just added the Chat-a-rama below to your left so folks can get together and talk about stuff they like here, stuff they don't and just random stuff as I continue my campaign to bring people together. Also, I'm now able to host audio online, so expect to hear some really cool stuff from some great bands, artists and more. So, first up on Sound-a-rama on Sam-a-rama®, here's a tribute to Richard Pryor with the classic "Monkeys", in mp3. P.S. to Swan Shadow...I know you wrote about the bit, but you know you gotta hear it from the man's mouth. Enjoy, everybody!

The Band From The Sixties You Never Heard

I'm not gonna lie, but if I had the space to run some of my footage from "Soul Train" circa 1973, I'd have it up and running for you. I'm glad I don't, because Spike Priggen would kick my butt with something from "Hullabaloo". I don't know where he gets his stuff and I don't care. Just as long as he posts it. Yes, I am a kiss ass, but the guy's got some good stuff and somebody'd gotta say thank you for putting them online.

Today I get to Bedazzled and I see a clip from "American Bandstand" from I believe from 1967, with featured act Arthur Lee and Love. Now, these guys never made the charts, but their sound is incredeble. Lee, their lead singer, looks a little buzzed in the clip, possibly from his alleged drug habit. However, Love did his best to keep the band going, they still never went anywhere. Lee is now a cult figure for British musicians and was even honored by members of Parliment recently for what has been called one of the greatest albums of all time by the BBC, "Forever Changes". You be the judge. I'd heard only legends about this band and today was the first time I had ever heard their music. Now I can't "Little Red Book' outta my head. It's that good.

Monday, December 12, 2005

WORST.PRESENT.EVER.

Leave it to Old Pal Dave Hewitt to take a few moments to help me come up with a new post, as I'm stuck here at work listening to Marv Albert calling Monday Night Football. If I die now and his is the last voice I hear, I will haunt him and his toupee for the rest of his days.

At work we were asked to submit our worst Christmas present story. Many people commented that it was really fun. I though I would pass it on.

My worst Christmas Present by Dave Hewitt

My father was notorious for shopping the day before Christmas.Consequently, I received the toys that the other children did not want. One year I was given a toy called 'Pollution Probe'. It was definitely created to make a political statement, not for its play value. Inside was a rather lengthy booklet telling children why they should not pollute and what they could do about it. The booklet was filled with pictures of kids doing the experiments included in the kit and pretending to have fun. The main feature of the kit was a test tube and a tablet enclosed in a foil package. We were instructed to collect a sample of water from a nearby stream and check it for impurities. But I lived in Canada and it was winter. There were no running streams - they were frozen. This toy had no immediate gratification because I could not do the experiment. Pollution Probe also contained a garbage bag. We were asked to go to a park and pickup trash. Again, I was in Canada in the middle of winter. If there was any garbage in a park it was covered up by snow. That Christmas while all the good boys played with their new GI Joes, Isat at home with my very own trash bag. Ironically, my Pollution Probe kit is now in a landfill and it was never used.

Okay, your dad just made that up. He had to. No way would I accept that excuse. "Hey kids! I didn't get you that Evel Kenievel you wanted for the holidays, but I got you this so you can learn how the man is destroying our eco-culture!" I would have just packed up and moved out of the house the day I got that one.

So, what was your worst present? Let me know..

Saturday, December 10, 2005

"That's Just Richard."

Let me tell you what I know about Richard Pryor.

It's 1979 and we have Home Box Office, not HBO. We didn't have vcr's back then either. If you missed it, that was too damn bad. So, it's Friday night and everyone's outta the house except for me and sisters and there doing some stupid crap. Anyways, I find out that "Richard Pryor-Live in Concert" is coming up. Now, I had always heard my momma say he was wrong and dirty, but I had seen him on Lily Tomlin Specials before, plus he had his own show for a few weeks. I thought what could'nt hurt to watch the guy?

Here it is, years later after I taped the movie on a nintey minute cassette tape and learned everything to memory, taking with me the Tao of Rich and using it on the air. Everyone, from the bad stand up comic to the good ones, to every rapper you know, to movies and television was influenced by Rich. We didn't became Niggers. We became Niggas. We got the pride back in being Black. When Rich saw that get outta control, he said stop. No more niggas. Just like heathens, nobody ever listened and the Legacy of Pryor loomed on.

It's a double edged sword with Rich. He was one of the funniest men who ever lived, but will be condemmed by some for his humor and attitude. Look, you could only watch Geoge Gobel only once before you realied back then he wasn't funny. Richard Pryor was funny. None before, none afterwards.

"Sometimes they used to have that on the news that I was dead. That to me is the weirdest shit, to be assumed dead and you still be alive."

Comedian Richard Pryor dies at 65

Just in from USA Today. My sympathies to the family as I feel I just some close to mine as well. I'll talk about it later.

IT'S PEANUT BUTTER-JELLY TIME!

It's peanut butter jelly time!
It's peanut butter jelly time.
It's peanut butter jelly time.
It's peanut butter jelly time.

Now where he at?
where he at?
where he at?
where he at?

There he go.
There he go.
There he go.
There he go.

peanut butter jelly.
peanut butter jelly.
peanut butter jelly.
peanut butter jelly.
Do The Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly with a baseball bat!

Do The Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly with a baseball bat!

Do The Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly with a baseball bat!

Do The Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly,
Peanut Butter-Jelly with a baseball bat!

I saw it on Famliy Guy and just had to do it here. Besides, I had a great night last night and it's the weekend. You gotta get your groove on once in awhile....

Friday, December 09, 2005

Eat A Sandwich, Twiggy.

I got this from Whitney Matheson. Mary Kate Olson just did an interveiw for "W" magazine, where she gives these womderful words of wisdom...

- MK was once "obsessed" with Sigmund Freud. "It just really hit me, just the way he explains the mind and, like, how it works in certain people or certain diseases," she says.

- She likes wearing "amazing jackets." Why? Because "you can wear your pajamas underneath and everyone's like, 'Oh, fabulous jacket,' and I'm like, 'You should see what's underneath!'"

- On why she left college: "Like, papers don't really make me happy."

How the frick does one become this rich and this damn stupid? Somebody tell Danny he's gotta feed these kids so they can have the energy to read something...

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Fraiser Smurf??

Should have posted this sooner, but all the other guys got to it before I could and I figured just wait for a couple of days. But here it is. Kelsey Grammer as The Beast in X-3. Now, this could be cool, but we thought the same thing as Stallone in "Judge Dredd". If you haven't sen the new trailer online yet, go here. It looks okay, but I feel like I'm missing something, since it's Brett Ratner directing this time and not Bryan Singer, since he's off doing "Superman Returns'. Why I haven't posted the link to that trailer, I have no idea. Enjoy this one anyway.

It makes me wonder, though. Maybe we can get Niles to play Mr. Peabody in a movie. Now, that would be funny!

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Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The "Other" Real Sam Johnson Show

Out of sheer bordom oday and not wanting to write about Briteny and Kevin breaking up, Or Elton John in a commitment ceremony to his long time love, I decided to finally write about my alleged namesake. The first one of you who says, "You're gonna write about jackasses" gets a poke in the snoot.

I knew that the man has a brilliant writer, but I never knew he suffered for his work. The man was penniless for a long time and had Tourette's Syndrome. It's interesting that aalong withtheh name, we also have a few things in common, which is kinda cool. He also had the best quotes as well...
"No man but a blockhead ever wrote, except for money."
On second marriages: "The triumph of hope over experience."
"Sir, I have found you an argument; but I am not obliged to find you an understanding."

Okay, they aren't "Caddyshack" quoteable, but back then they meant something to alot of folks. I don't think any of my writing is gonna make you go off and repeat it to anyone else, but I do the best that I can. Here's hoping that I can at least live up to the man's name and do well putting down these words. I know today ain't a great post, but at least I put something down for you to read.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

He Said, She Said...

I thought you would like to know a bit more on what happened to me on Satuday night at Smackdown, so I decided to let you hear Heather's take on it. Besides she's a great writer and I'm hoping that she'll do her own blog other than on My Space. I hope she doesn't mind that I do this, but I'd like to expose her (watch it there, mates!) to more folks. So here come's Heather!

Last night was one of my milder moments.... lol! Got to see Sam.... that's my boy!!! We went to see WWE Smackdown last night, which was probably the most anticipated event to hit this town in years for every redneck and thier brother.... LOL! Sam had extra tickets, and asked why we wanted to go. My answer, of course, was the most creative, I'm sure. LOL! So, off I go.

Catch Sam at the front door, after trying to find parking. HA! Ever gotten stuck behind a country girl in the city? Well, I have. Last night, it was Boomhauer's wife. I swear, this numpty could not figure out whcich way to turn in the parking garage. To go "up". I was cursing like a sailor, screaming for her to move her ass. Which I might add was made heavy likely by either the donut in her hand or the cake shoved in her pie hole. Either way, she was too distracted. I finally whipped around her and took her spot, leaving her to her pastries. I was already late, and if I'd stayed behind the white Ford Explorer with Effingham County plates (wouldn't cha know it) another minute, I would have snapped and gone up to her car window.... and handed her some Hydroxycut. Yikes.

So, anyhoo, I get there, and there's Sam. Wearing yellow glasses, looking like Mr. UberCool DJ. LOL!

We head in, and spend the first five minutes turning around in circles trying to figure out where our seats are. Luckily, his buddy Perry saved us from having to wander aimlessly. So, I am introduced around to everyone, and we are seated, and just in time too. Let the Smackdown begin!

I must say that while I've never been one for men in tights, oil and hopped up on roids, last night was a great time. Until they brought out the amateurs. Cue for smoke break, and half hour wait in line for an overpriced soda. Amusing though - I kept watching this one white girl behind the concession counter who looked like she was strung out on meth, turning the same eggroll over and over again (you notice that Sam? lol!).

We get back out there just in time... highlight of the evening was a six man tag team match..... and all I have to say is: Brian, I love ya.... but, I wouldn't throw Batista out of the bed for eating crackers. Even if steroids shrank his shit. LOL! A word to the wise, if you are wrestling and juicing. Steroids shrink your dick. Don't wear small ass, clingy shorts. Everyone can see that you are hung like a hampster. How disappointing. But, he sure was pretty to look at! Up until they finally brought the man out, if I'd have had to see one more weak attempt at an armbar or incorrectly executed rear naked, I would have gone down to the ring and begun to open a can of whoop ass.... lol!

So, the show ends about ten. TIME FOR A DRINK!!! But not before I try to lock up one of his interns in a REAL rear naked, right there on the sidewalk. LOL! So, we head downtown, with me at the wheel, looking very pimp with three guys in the car. Whoooohooo! I gots game, ya'll. Just kidding.

So, we hit the new Savannah Down Under. Of course, Sam and I both know just about everyone in Savannah, so, we all order the first drink (Jager for me, of course) and spend the next twenty minutes making our obligatory rounds. Lest someone say we had the gull to ignore em.

Last night was a blast. The guys were perfect gentlemen.... well, until they saw me take a shot from between Amber's boobs, and they lost it for a brief moment, but quickly regained decorum. LOL!

Let me tell you all about Sam. Sam is awesome - and we chattered away like we'd known each other all of our lives, like best friends from gradeschool. Couldn't pry us apart last night. Sam is a fantastic guy, and I couldn't think of anyone who could be a better friend. Hell, he knows my whole life story, yet, he still listens to me bitch.... ya gotta luv him! Definately going to remain a close friend for many years to come. This guy would be the first one to bail you out of jail. Or, more likely, he'd be the guy sitting right next to you in the cell, going, "Shit! That was fun!"

So, I'm knocking em back, knowing I have to go to work in ... I look at my cell phone for the time.... four hours. LOL! So we head out, somewhere in the time between the bar and home, Perry ends up humping my car, Kevin is sitting there shaking his head, and Sam and I are laughing hysterically.

I guess you had to be there.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Working Class Hero

"Where you been, Johnny? We miss ya. All the Beetles miss ya!"
Lee Marvin, "The Wild Bunch"

I got the news of John Lennon's death on Tuesday morning as I was getting ready for school. I saw the CBS Morning News give extended reports on his murder and fan reaction from around the world. I had never experienced anything like it in my lifetime then. It seem like the entire country was in a state of shock.

My first rememberence of John was in the Beatles cartoon show on ABC Saturday morning. The music was fantastic and had me rockin' as a babe. Then came "Yellow Submarine" in 1970 after The Ed Sullivan Show on a Sunday night. They looked kinda familiar, but it was them, but they had a lot of facial hair and weird colors. I'm not mistaken, but I think I was tripping at four years old.

As I got older, I discovered their music and their movies, but most of all, I discovered their fearless leader. John was a smartass from day one. He had pluck, he had the energy and he was having fun. The attitude of rock with the soul of a poet. This man was gaining my respect when others were getting into the disco lights.

Wen Charles Kuralt hit me with the late news, all I could was just sit on the bed. My mama came into the room and asked my why I was getting late for school and I showed her the tv screen. She just looked at me and and shook her head and said, "He was just a man, baby. That's all he was ." She realized that I actually liked this guy and understood how I felt. She let me watch the rest of the reports and wrote me a note okaying me for being late. She cared.

When I got there, the school was kinda quiet that day, especially in the chourus room where I had class during third and six period. We were supposed to practice for a Christmas show, but all we did was talk about John. What surprized me was the fact that all the kids: White, Black, Asian, Latin, whoemever was affected by it. It was an assasination. Most of the students were just born as JFK was shot and The Beatles were making their way to America. They never knew the pain of a nation when both Kennedy brothers, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Malcom X were gunned down. Now, we had our own.

Ever since then, I've grown to enjoy the writing, the artwork and the lessons that John Winston Lennon taught us during his time here. All he was saying was give peace a chance. Some of us have forgotten that. Perhaps on the 25th anniversary of his death, we should go back to those words and try to remember that man who taught us that.

Merry Crimble, Johnny. We miss you.

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Watching The Wheels

People say I'm crazy doing what I'm doing,
Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,
When I say that I'm o.k. they look at me kind of strange,
Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I'm lazy dreaming my life away,
Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,
When I tell that I'm doing Fine watching shadows on the wall,
Don't you miss the big time boy you're no longer on the ball?

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,
Well I tell them there's no problem,Only solutions
,Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I've lost my mind,
I tell them there's no hurry...I'm just sitting here doing time,

I'm just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,
I really love to watch them roll,
No longer riding on the merry-go-round,
I just had to let it go.

More on John later today...

Sunday, December 04, 2005

My Newest Friend

Last night, I went to go see WWE Smackdown Live at the Savannah Civic Center. Lemmie tell ya, I had a great time as it's one of the few macho things I get to do thse days. I went along with a couple of the other DJ's from I-95, along with a old pal of mine, Perry Foster. I also had with me someone who I think is the coolest chick...EVER.

Now, her name is Heather. She's a divorcee with a one year old son. That's cool, but here's the clincher...

She's a former Marine who knows Brazilian Martial Arts. Remember that movie "Only The Strong Survive" about teens being taught capoira by an ex Marine? Well, she knows that stuff. Well. I know, because I had her choke out one of our station interns.

She's actually one of the coolest persons I've met in a long time. Once we got together, it was instant friendship. We had mad banter like you wouldn't believe, like we knew each other from kindergaten thru high school. We talked about everything from bad spouses to Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat (who was there at Smackdown, by the way. A little older, but still has the moves). That's what friends do.

I've met alot of folks in my lifetime. There's some I can call friends, others are good friends. I have a feeling Heather is going to shoot up to best friend status with a bullet.

Now, if I can get her to work on her own blog...

Saturday, December 03, 2005

The All New Stars After Stars After Stars!

I've updated the blogroll and it looks pretty good now. Links have all been fixed and updated, and you may notice some old ones are gone but some new ones have been added. Stop by any of these sites and please tell them I sent you along. Now, go. Suppport these guys and gals!Oh, and Spike? I hope you don't mind the new name.

Friday, December 02, 2005

Finally...

After days of hard work, hours of sweat, and minutes of crying over the fact that I can't get it done, I finally did it. This is it. Comments are now working properly. Yeah, there's a couple of cosmetic things I gotta take care of, but this is the one. Carl decided to visit his fgolks for a few days, but he will return, I promise. The game has a couple of kinks that needs fixin', but the clock works and so does the calender. Plus, we have ALL the archives from the RSJS from the beginning. So, let's think of this, December First as a fresh start. Please enjoy.

commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Thursday, December 01, 2005

Okay, here's the thing...

I got the last new look, like all the others from Blogskins, where I thought I could find one that, at the very least, had comments inside the code, but no luck. I have been busting my hump trying to get it right, but no luck. So, I went back to the beginning. I really feel bad about it becasue I wanted to show off and wanted to really impress you guys, but I guess that won't happen. Honestly, it feels like I'm losing readers sometimes and now I'm jsut doing this for nothing, but I know I'm not. I'd just like for folks to ejoy their visit here and stay for awhile, but I can't even get a new look right.

Aw well, we got the new name at least.

The Super Bowl Of Love

I know things look kinda familier, but it's all I can do without throwing my lappy outta the window. Well, at least we got a new name out of it. Look for a new mission statement this weekend. I'm too busy getting ready for Lovefest 2005.

Tonight is the night that Dave Letterman and Oprah Winfrey wrap up a fifteen year old "feud". I don't know if you cana call it a feud since O never really retaliated in the press or anything else. If anything, she showed up on Leno's show, which makes no diffence to me since I don't watch that show and won't until 2009 when Conan O'Brian takes over. Still, it'll be intereesting to see how Dave and Oprah react to each other tonight and how far this will go. Will Dr. Phil have to intervene? Will Regis have to break things up? WIll little Harry Letterman have to come out and say, "Please stop fighting...For me"? Tune in tonight for the fireworks. Until then, here's a timeline of how it all began for Dave and Oprah. I think it started with the Oscars.