Sam-a-rama!

"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Sunday, May 01, 2005

How To Keep Your Husband Happy

I'm sitting here at the radio staion doing my show and trying to think of a good response to Pandora's Point System for Husbands. I sat there for what felt like hours trying to come up with something that will counter her little quiz. After a while, I had an major epithany.

WE CAN'T WIN, GUYS.

Lord knows I tried to come up with something that would cancel out the whole thing, but it all came back to one simple fact. Women will destroy you. One dumb mistake from a guy, no matter how long you've been with a woman, poof! You are gone. And, don't beg to go back to them, fellas. No...That just makes it worse and we wind up looking whipped and we can't go to the bowling ally with lash marks on.

See, I figured them out. I don't know all their secrets, but I do have the insight on one thing. They don't really need us guys. We are here for their amusment, like when a kid buys a goldfish. When they start floating at the top of the bowl, it's time to flush it down. They won't miss it that much, as it's just as simple to go to Wal-Mart and get another one.

Guys, we don't have a choice in the matter, either. We have to take it. We'll do our darnest to make you happy, or at least, what we think will make you happy.Simply because you are our mother, lovers and freinds, and honestly we can't do with out.We do one wrong thing, you all have to tell your girlfriends and that's living death. Once you do that, the other girls will give you that hard stare while you're just going the kitchen for a glass of water. No words. Just an "Oh lord, Girl. You could have bought a monkey and done better than him" look.

Ladies, we love you. We have no choice, as it's either you or play for the other team. I really don't wanna be traded. Just look at us in sympathy and realize we're just trying to keep you happy is all. We know we get it right all the time, but be happy that we made the attempt. You look out for us and we'll be there for you no matter what.

One more thing...Want to get us away from the TV? Wear that little red dress and some heels while holding a beer. We will follow you anywhere you want us to go.

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