"Say, does this look funny to you?"

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Shut Yer Pie Hole

Things have calmed down since Charley here in Savannah. I do send my sympathies to those in Florida, and to those who have loved ones there caught in the storm. As I posted before, Savannah has a way of skirting through a hurricane. One day, however...

So, last night I saw "Collateral" on the big screen. Lemme tell you, I loved it. It's a tight thriller from Michael Mann, who if you've forgotten has done some wonderful things on film other than "Miami Vice". It's the same Tom Cruise you've seen before, but this time he's EVIIILL like you've never seen him. That charm, that smile, that way he snaps necks and shoots point blank. Jamie Foxx however is fantastic and it's about time he's gotten some grown up roles. Foxx could have played this up for laughs, as could the entire cast. Actually, I could see this as a comedy, but it wouldn't be as effective. Don't believe me? Wait for "Taxi" with Queen Lahtifa later this year and prove me wrong. But this is straight up thrills all the way to the end thanks to the film being shot on Hi Def cameras for even more reality. So, I have to recommend this film, the last great movie of the summer.


There were only a few folks in the theater with me on Monday night. Early in the week is the best way to watch a movie for me as it means less interruptions and an opportunity to get the best seats (fifth row, center). While the film played, two young black women were sitting directly behind me. Throughout the entire film, they talked aloud, answered their cell phones, and made comments at the screens. "Ooh, Jamie! You betta run out that room 'fore Tom Cruise gets you! Child, Jada Pinkett Smith ain't all that. I'll bet she sportin' a weave. Will can pay for it." This went on and on for the course of the film. Folks who sat around them didn't say a word as they must have been scared of the 'round the way girls, but I was getting more and more tired of it. It seems as though blacks can't go to a theater without having to go Tom Servo and talk back to the screen as if the actor will just stop in his tracks, look at the viewer and say, "You know what? You're right. I'll just stay here and wait for Freddy Kruger to go by. " This is why blacks never make it thru horror films. We don't know when to shut the hell up. That's right, I said it.

Anyway, the girls kept yapping and I was just steaming the whole time time, until the girls just got louder and louder during the climax until I had enough. One of the girls got as loud as she could, ruining the moment with the classic, "Girl, you betta get out that room", when I just turned around, cleared my throat, and in my best Ving Rhames voice said, "This ain't no g***dammed DVD at your raggedy a** ol' house, so shut the f*** up and watch the g***dammed movie!" Yes, I got medieval on them and they never said another word. As the lights went up, the girls wanted to see who said that. When they found out it was me, they quickly looked away and just plain split.

The moral of the story is I don't really care who you are: Black, White, Asian, Hispanic. Hell, I don't even care if your Tyra Banks. When you're in a movie theater and I'm there, Shut the frick up and lemme watch the dang thing.


Blogger Tiffany said...

That's exactly why I avoid movie theatres like the plague. I attend maybe 1 or 2 theatre presentations per year. Any more than that and they'd have to medicate me.

7:49 PM  
Blogger ESP said...

A-freaking-men, dude. I cannot stand to have people talking around me during a movie. I even get ticked when my students talk in class during a video. Shaddup! Everyone just shaddup!

4:01 PM  

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